Im being sued

I got back from hols to find a solicitors letter from some bandit ambulance chasing company saying they sought details of the indemnity policy and personal injury liabilty for the gun club which I attend and that legal action was being brought against me by a fat whore in a wheel chair.

Some weeks ago I bought a GSG5........ basically a .22 semi auto carbine, identical in looks to an MP5. I was happily shooting away at 30 yds on the firing point when this porky obnoxious hobbly was concentrating more on me than on herself, I was in charge of the range, so I made mine safe, stepped back and corrected the position of her rifle, before carrying on.

I picked up mine again and carried on, I put about 4-500 through it that evening.

She is claiming that a .22 cartridge case from my rifle, leapt from being extracted, went down the front of her jumper and burnt her fat neck, causing burns sufficient enough to warrant her seeing a plastic surgeon.

At first I thought it was a prank so called the Ambulance chaser to see if it was serious.

Now I know there is little chance of her winning, and I'm going to have to fund my defence myself as the club is skint and can't afford to excess on the policy. Because I am childish, spiteful and with nothing better to do I want to cause her as much expence as possible, waste as much of their time and recources as possible and generally make her really regret being a fat grabbing whore.

At the time range rules were being adhered to by the letter, backed up by five other shooters. All the cases went in the same place-ish, apart from the one that injured her so badly.

My initial responce to the claim:

Dear sir

Re Sybil ……….. / Case JDF 3200/02K

I received you letter and the contents have been read, laughed at and filed (thirteen for your reference)

Before this charade continues, allow me to assure you that on the night your claimant alleges to been disfigured, melted and transformed into Simon Westons double, range etiquette, safety and range discipline were adhered to, to the letter, and four other NRA approved range officers were shooting.

Sadly an empty case is a by-product of shooting, bullet go bangy, bullet leave gun at dangerous end and cartridge case get spat out the side. It’s a little warm, but I’d contest that no one ended up like Nikki Lauder from having a .22 case touch them.

If Sybil had ever fired a round, ie if her podgy fingers could get through the trigger guard she may have realized this.

I am grateful you pointed this matter out to me, as Club Captain it made me review and check all the paperwork to make sure there were no loopholes one of your spivvy barristers may find……. I’m elated to report it was all in order, however it would appear that your claimants aren’t. She failed to sign in on the night of the alleged incident, so it would appear she wasn't even here for starters. She's also not made enough appearances over the last twelve months to qualify her for the minimum period required to retain her ticket. Also if she claims to be here, yet wasn't signed in, she is confessing to breeching a club rule

I note that her FAC is dependant on her keeping her rifle here at the armoury at the club. Today I must report it missing and report to the police that its not here, and that she’s been taking it home and storing it there. Sadly this also breeches club rules, therefore with such a serious contravention I will be writing to her to inform her that her membership is suspended, pending investigation and a police report.

Unfortunately she isn’t a member of another club, this means she has no valid reason to own a firearm. This must also be reported to the county firearms officer along with mine, and other range officers concerns about her range conduct.

Alternatively you could perhaps relay to her, that we aren’t an outfit which can be walked over by a tubby scrounger. Perhaps advise her that I am happy to defend this to the end and will not be making any offers of compensation, and should she wish a refund of her subscription due to having such sensitive skin I will arrange it.

Last time I burnt myself, it made me yelp out loud, swear a bit and drop what I was holding, that was only minor and the wound didn’t require plastic surgery. What I’m finding difficult to understand is how, after receiving such an injury she was able to continue shooting, continue spouting dribble in her Burnely accent and play two games of pool afterwards, surely she would have been airlifted to hospital

When you visit her in her ward, please pass on the clubs regards and kindly pass on this message. ‘Shooting has enough enemies without strife and conflict within, We will not be providing a meal ticket’

I’m sorry if you took this on in a no win no fee basis, but you have more chance of nailing trifle to a ceiling than getting a penny from me or the club.

Because firearms are seen in a dim light by the public I must now sign off so I can pinch a double decker to plough into a bus stop full of pensioners, shooting them would only see another silly ban on whats left

Warm regards
The most fitting response I've seen since John Prescott snotted the egg thrower. You have missed your calling, turn away from soft furry animals and don the sharkskin suit of the legal world. Did they manage to calculate the percentage of burn using the Rule of Nine, or did they just kick Professor Hawking out of his misshapen maggot and seek his assistance?
More apt would have been to direct m´learnéd ambulance chaser to the answer given in Arkell v Pressdram.



Best of luck, MDN. You might want to run a spellchecker over your letter, although I doubt they'd notice that you'd mangled Burnley.

Perhaps she just fancies you.


War Hero
cloudbuster said:
Best of luck, MDN. You might want to run a spellchecker over your letter, although I doubt they'd notice that you'd mangled Burnley.

Perhaps she just fancies you.

Is that akin to kicking little girls in the shins on the playground when you were a kid cause you fancy them?


Classic! You have to post the response!


She will now sue for hurt feelings over being called fat. May also try to finesse the bit about 'dribbling' into anti-mong prejudice.
I'Ve got a .22 Bremmer S/A that spits hot cartridges out, which sometimes bounce off the firing point baffle and down my neck. Stings a bit, but its never left a mark on me. (And I have baby soft skin, and I moisturise daily)

I'll bet the whore's not really a raspberry either, and she only fakes the wheelchair for the blue badge and free parking not to mention that it enhances her victim status!

It wouldnt surprise me if she has a history of vexatious litigation.

Send that letter.
cloudbuster said:
Best of luck, MDN. You might want to run a spellchecker over your letter, although I doubt they'd notice that you'd mangled Burnley.

And re-mangled Lauda
Last time I burnt myself, it made me yelp out loud, swear a bit and drop what I was holding

fnaaar fnaaar
Exactly how long has Blondebint (aka Action Today) been a member of your shooting club, and why didn't you slot the fat tub of guts earlier?
Spell checked and sent.

She drives to the club in a motability Mercedes A150, walks into the club then unfolds a chair, talks shit and shoots a ruger rifle.

She passes on advice based on zero experience and described my rifle as 'Gorgeous, beautiful and wants one for Christmas'

I'm a fcukign magnet to faulty women.

I have every intention of being spiteful and ensuring the only person that suffers as a result of such a poxy claim is her.

The only time I iver got slightly tinged was on a practical pistol shoot many moons ago, I had hayfever so was shooting with my gob open in the 'Standing looking gormless' position. An empty .45 ACP case hit my bottom lip, it smarted it a bit and I looked like Bubba from Forrest Gump for a moment or two, but I didn't need surgery or to see a doctor.


minister_doh_nut said:
She... shoots a ruger rifle.

They're OK if you throw away everything - especially the trigger - bar the reciever and start again from scratch. I had a round from mine go up the cuff of my jacket once, landed on the inside of my wrist and stung a bit for about an hour. Hardly the Guinea Pig Club.

New Posts

Latest Threads