Illusion shattered

#1
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
 
#2
vvaannmmaann said:
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
I beliee the technical term is a "Low Resolution Fox" ;)
 
#3
EX_STAB said:
vvaannmmaann said:
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
I beliee the technical term is a "Low Resolution Fox" ;)
Though I believe that the lay term is "Hot From Far Away" ! :D
 
#5
Chavalryman said:
EX_STAB said:
vvaannmmaann said:
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
I beliee the technical term is a "Low Resolution Fox" ;)
Though I believe that the lay term is "Hot From Far Away" ! :D
Regionally known as a Feffer. Fit from far, but far from fit.
 

old_fat_and_hairy

LE
Book Reviewer
Reviews Editor
#7
Correct term is 'still a fanciable woman'.

Well, I can't be choosy!
 
#9
Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch.
 
#10
I always thought it was BOBFOC :)


Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch

Edited to add: Beaten to it by MSR
 
#11
vvaannmmaann, I beleive we need to see photographic evidence of this fit body, without clothing of course, for research purposes only.

We'll get someone to photoshop the face
 
#12
Just bend her over and do her from behind, you poof.

Just leave the Border Terrier alone, you sicko.
 
#13
dhgrainger1 said:
Chavalryman said:
EX_STAB said:
vvaannmmaann said:
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
I beliee the technical term is a "Low Resolution Fox" ;)
Though I believe that the lay term is "Hot From Far Away" ! :D
Regionally known as a Feffer. Fit from far, but far from fit.
I always used Good From Far, Far From Good. I shall now be using Feffer, however :)
 
#14
Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

She may be seen as DDG by some people (blind ones with no hands).

But, come on, let us have some piccies so we can make our own minds up.
 
#16
vvaannmmaann said:
For the past few months,as I have been walking the dog,I have noticed a woman whom I shall refer to as The Blonde.She has a lovely figure,everything seemed to be in the right place.My problem was that I never got close enough to see her face close too.I tried varying my route and timing,but The Blonde always evaded me.
Then this morning,it finally happened.We met face to face.You remember the day you discovered that Santa was not real?It was like that,but so much worse.I am no oil painting,but this woman was taking the p#ss.
She must have hit every branch as she fell through the Ugly Tree.

She does however have a lovely Border Terrier.
Is 'Border terrier' prison slang? Can't find it in ARSEpedia....
 
#17
You're walking the dog, sending a text... providing the shutter noise is on mute, no-one has to know you actually have the camera active.

Or so I've been told.
 
#19
vvaannmmaann said:
Bruno,That means getting a 'phone with a camera.I wll explore other ways.
Ha, and I bet before this you thought it was just a pointless gadget, eh? Now you see why they're so necessary? MrsNoMedals was posing in nothing more than one of my silk ties the other week when I bought my new phone (5megapixel camera... excessive? You'd think so, wouldn't you?). The chances of that happening again are pretty slim, but it does pay to always have a camera to hand!

And no, I'm not posting them. If we split up again, then maybe :twisted:
 
#20
Ok... This is easy... Take a bog standard camera along with you and when you bump into her again look at the dog and say "ooohhh, that's so cute - do you mind if I take a picture"... Being the proud owner she is she will reply in the affirmative. Take the picture of her and the dog and then respond that you hope she doesn't mind that the dog is in the picture too...

You should be able to pull her from this point - so the nekked piccies should be a formality... :D
 

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