If you werent british by the grace of god

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bitterandtwisted, Feb 6, 2012.

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  1. What nationality would you be???? And what reasons why......

    I think Id like to be Italian, also in the mafia.

    Cutting people gonads off, for not paying me money, making oodles of money tax gratis.... Sticking the fingers up to Burlesconi and charging him a fortune for my prossies, also get bosses perks like getting the odd discount off on a nosh....

    Going to casino's and squadering millions but it didnt matter becuase I fucking owned it.....

    Bumming loads of dirty italian sluts who sniffed coke of my bellend and then let me put inamate object up their bottoms all day....

    Listening to Italian opera on the Italian rivera whilst on my luxury yacht in great big craveat and smoking jacket............

    You can tell I have thought about this long and hard.....

    So ya wankers what nationality would you be if you werent a Brit????? Yanks need not apply.......
     
  2. FORMER_FYRDMAN

    FORMER_FYRDMAN LE Book Reviewer

    English.
     
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  3. Thai Lady-boy.
     
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  4. I wouldn't want to be anything but British, so if I wasn't I would shoot myself......after giving myself 50 lashes for being a different nationality.
     
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  5. Well it put out to all chaps here as we are in the British Army - well some of us are????
     
  6. I'd instantly top myself if I was foreign. All foreigners are fucking weird. Especially the ones that speak funny.

    But if I had to choose I'd be Russian, as they have vodka on their кукурузные хлопья and use vodka to cure vodka-induced hangovers.
     
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  7. I'm sorry but there is NO alternative to being british!
    Why would you want to be a johnny foreigner?
    Besides if I had the misfortune to be a dago I'd probably end up with the shitty end of the stick and end up as a waiter.
     
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  8. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    I wouldn't mind being Finnish. It's a well known fact that all Finnish blokes are guaranteed to win the World Rally Championship at some point in their lives.
     
  9. I could just about face life as an Aussie,
    Apparently the criminal record is no longer compulsory, you just have to go around talking down your nose at foreigners.
     
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  10. German, they've some fucking cool names, Guderian, Manstein, Jochen Peiper, all of which have Frenchmen's bumholes twitching at the meerest hint of a tank trank squeak!
     
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  11. I'd be an Iraqi or an Afghan.
    That way, I could cut about all day in a man dress or cheap nylon inter milan traksuit and a pair of flip flops,
    cover myself in my own shit,
    Wash my clothes in a dirty puddle,
    smear my own fecal matter right up my back with my left hand then go and get scoff
    Eat scoff with bare hand thouroughly sanitised from the earlier shit wiping session with dirty water and no (I SAY AGAIN) NO soap
    Sneak off for some filthy sex with an underage boy/girl or donkey (the donkey can be any age I'm not fussy)

    Then (and this is the best bit) call you lot "Dirty cunts" oh how I'd laugh.

    Well untill I copped a big fat JDAM round the ear anyway. Fucking infidels.
     
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  12. As anyone who has been to the UK will know, we like to do things differently from the rest of Europe and, come to think of it, the rest of the world. We are the odd ones out and definitely the black sheep of Europe. While most countries drive on the right side, we drive on the left, otherwise known as the ‘wrong side’ by most other people in the world. Not only do we drive on a different side of the road we have different plugs to those in Europe, we measure ourselves in feet and inches not metres and weigh ourselves in stone rather than kilograms. On top of this we measure distance in miles rather than kilometers, our clothes and shoe sizes are also different to European sizes and we even have our own form of swearing, not to mention the fact we have our own time zone – GMT (Greenwich Mean Time) – making us one hour behind the rest of Europe (except Portugal, who also have GMT). And then there is the Euro…..

    In short, we’re an awkward bunch and considered ‘strange’ by the rest of the world; but why is it that we are so ‘different’ from everyone else?

    Cos we can and Fuck 'em all
     
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  13. English! Wouldn't want to anything but ENGLISH!
    I'd go and live in a foreign country but I wouldn't want to foreign, just ENGLISH!
     
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  14. True, to quote Rhodes "To be born an Englishman is to win first prize in the lottery of life"!!
     
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  15. Welsh with ginger hair.
     
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