If you were Prime Minister

What to do with the troops in Afghanistan and Iraq?

  • Pull them out as its not worth the loss of life

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Leave them in till the job is done

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#1
Ok here's the deal by some un-natural twist of fate you are the Prime Minister

Q1 The serious bit what would you do with regards to our forces in Afghanistan and Iraq?

Q2 This is why its in the NAAFI bar what other laws would you bring in?
 
#2
Kids locked out of city centres & turn the place into Shag city!

Get out of Iraq, complete Afgahn mission.

Nice looking immigrants only, port guards kill illegals on sight, no tax on anything that relates to our heritage (Alcohol...), better education, revamp the rail service, family cars have to be electric, increase defence budget, bigger navy, replace NHS, euthenise cowardly judges and sort out the legal system, shag more latino birds, kill that stupid yank that lives next to the spam pilot, lock the OST's as part of the UK, make porn compulsory and generally try and make the country as fun as possible.
 
#3
If I was Tony Bliar right now I'd be considering borrowing my body guard's pistol before retiring to a private place with a bottle of whisky.

Sorry, misread the question. If AM became PM I'd ensure that troops in Afghanistan had enough crop dusters to destroy every poppy field in the country. Possibly withdraw the troops after that leaving local warlords busy looking for something to eat.

New laws:-

Royal Navy to be restored to 1945 levels - based around a fleet of 23 carriers like we had then.

Free fruit and milk in primary schools to be replaced by compulsory daily rum ration. (It was good enough for Nelson's powder monkeys).

Reintroduction of the death penalty but only for those who fail to indicate at roundabouts.

Big Brother house to be redeveloped as a practice range for the RAF's new fleet of B52s.

Jade Goody to be redeveloped as a secondary practice range for the RAF's new fleet of B52s in case of fog at the Big Brother house.

Wearing of baseball caps to be banned except if playing baseball.

Free Werthers Originals for all.

Public flogging for owners of cell phones with 'amusing' ring tones.

Limited introduction of Sharia law. Only to apply to unmarried teenagers with multiple kids and no job.

Being Ken Livingstone or George Galloway to become a criminal offence.

Ancient monuments to be restored to their original condition - especially Hadrians Wall.

Ancient Mariners to be restored to their original condition. By God I looked good in my mess kit. If only I could still get into it. I might then be in with a chance of some last minute carnal knowledge before terminal incontinence finishes me off.
 
#4
1.Bring the boys home....all of them, and not have them fighting in anymore of Bush's oil wars.

2. Close British borders until all the illegals were sorted. If you can help our country, you stay, if not, you're out.

3. Remove all luxuries from prisons, start chain gangs, start borstals/ boot camps.

4. Make dole scroungers work for their dole - cleaning streets, graffiti etc etc They have 6 months to find a job then bebefits go down to just enough to prevent starvation.

5. More police, with powers to protect themselves and others with impunity.

6. Stop foreigners using the national health hospitals.

7. Make hard drugs free on national health so anyone that wants to kill themselves on drugs can do so freely. Would cut drug related crime and wipe out drug dealers.

8. Remove the country from Europe...fast.

9. Abolish the human rights ruling.

10. Abolish ambulance chasing, compensation lawyers.


Probably could come up with a few more, but wont.
 
#5
"If I were Prime minister," I thought "why of course I would bring the boys home..."

Then I stopped and really thought. If I were Prime Minister, I would fight these wars rather than just about hold my own in them. After all, even with the Army, the TA and the RAf at their current paltry levels of capability they could hold their own until my New Model Army was ready. A side benefit would be the elimination of unemployment too.

Then we could actually win these wars. I would not give a stuff about the media and vietnam era casualty footage because there is no way I would ever have been elected PM in any case -it must have been a coup!

As for "laws" - what is wrong with rule by emergency decree/dictatorial powers? Frankly the way this mob shove out new laws and statutory powers you would hardly notice.

After we had "kicked Afghani butt" or rather completed the 250 year process of finally imposing British rule on Afghanistan, we would turn south and re-institute the sirdar's powers over the whole sub-continent. The new re-unified Indian Army would be a major element in pacifying Iraq and indeed restoring rule of law and empire over the Gulf.

Africa...well you get the picture. Let's face it take any fifty years under the empire versus any fifty years under either the UN or US/USSR super-power hegemony and you don't need a Ph D from the JFK School at Harvard to work it out, do you!
 
#6
If I were Priminister I'd top myself. Oh, that wasn't the full question was it. I'd leave all my money to the Labour Party, and earn a posthumous Knighthood.
 
#7
As to the "bringing the boys back" - completely agree but we can't have one major pullout, en masse for a variety of reasons including lack of major airlift capability.

Also : we're essentially doing a security job that the Iraqi police should be doing. At least on BANNER the RUC were helping out rather than just sitting around.
 
#8
I think you should all get me out first, I've only been here a month and Ive lost nearly 2 stone which i can bearly afford!
 
#9
hallveg said:
I think you should all get me out first, I've only been here a month and Ive lost nearly 2 stone which i can bearly afford!
Are you being serious? If so why have you lost so much weight? Is it a medical problem? (stress/depression/food poisoning)

A friend got posted to a field hospital in Iraq just after the end of the fighting. We wrote asking if we could send him anything from back home. He wrote back asking us to send food as the hospital was short.

I saw some troops in Afghanistan on the news recently. They were part of some sort of mobile patrol group and they all looked painfully thin.

Is there a problem with troops in the field getting enough to eat?
 
#10
If I was PM I'd introduce a compulsory team spirit building weekend for all MPs, which just happened to involve being blindfolded, put on a bus, dressed up in DPM, getting on a rather large transport aircraft at Brize
and being dropped off somewhere hot and dusty........and they'd get to take their kids as well.

Except for Anne Widdecombe - I'd keep her back so I could bone her senseless and win the thread on freak shagging.
 
#11
At a guess the rather fat avatar on Hallveg makes me think he is taking the rise about losing a couple of stone ... as for me being PM... I would pull out the troops not for tactical purposes you understand but because really like Tooony the Looony I don't have a clue either.. what I do know is I cringe everytime I hear of another casualty or death... I know this will sound strange but I actually quite liked Saddam and have to say that he sort of had it under control sometimes when I see crowd scenes over there and the hate that was shown when that copter came down I think to my little self... F*ck em.. anyways... not a politician,.. but... well I just wanted to have a little say..of course if what I say has upset anyone it was not intentional and if someone wants to fill me in on my ignorance.. then please do but I think that another tyrant needs to fill Saddam's boots and then leave them to it..
 
#13
If I were Prime Minister I'd institute a prosecution of the previous incumbent. After re-introducing the death penalty for treason.

Troops out of Iraq, it's going to be a civil war anyway, better get it done and over with as quickly as possible. Concentrate resources on AFG where there's international consensus on the legitimacy and try to recover some of the moral high ground. Defeat the Talibs and press Pakistan for 'hot pursuit' ROE across the border. If they can't stop the baddies crossing the border north, we should be able to interdict them south of it.
 
#15
Fallschirmjager said:
I'd pull all troops out of both countries. I wouldn't want to nuke my own soldiers now would i.
Thats what I like about you FSJ no sitting on the fence and no half measures! :thumright:
 
#16
buggrit said:
1.Bring the boys home....all of them, and not have them fighting in anymore of Bush's oil wars.

2. Close British borders until all the illegals were sorted. If you can help our country, you stay, if not, you're out.

3. Remove all luxuries from prisons, start chain gangs, start borstals/ boot camps.

4. Make dole scroungers work for their dole - cleaning streets, graffiti etc etc They have 6 months to find a job then bebefits go down to just enough to prevent starvation.

5. More police, with powers to protect themselves and others with impunity.

6. Stop foreigners using the national health hospitals.

7. Make hard drugs free on national health so anyone that wants to kill themselves on drugs can do so freely. Would cut drug related crime and wipe out drug dealers.

8. Remove the country from Europe...fast.

9. Abolish the human rights ruling.

10. Abolish ambulance chasing, compensation lawyers.


Probably could come up with a few more, but wont.
This is uncanny
I was going to start a thread on here on the lines of, if you woke up as PM, what would you do and the examples I would have given are listed almost word for word here.

Either (a) AARSE is giving out some sort of ray which reads your mind.
(b) Fools never Differ
(c) Great minds think alike
(d) buggrit and driver are in tune with most of the country.
(e) Its a slow Friday at the office and I have to much time on my hands
 
#17
Ancient_Mariner said:
If I was Tony Bliar right now I'd be considering borrowing my body guard's pistol before retiring to a private place with a bottle of whisky.

Sorry, misread the question. If AM became PM I'd ensure that troops in Afghanistan had enough crop dusters to destroy every poppy field in the country. Possibly withdraw the troops after that leaving local warlords busy looking for something to eat.

New laws:-

Royal Navy to be restored to 1945 levels - based around a fleet of 23 carriers like we had then.

Free fruit and milk in primary schools to be replaced by compulsory daily rum ration. (It was good enough for Nelson's powder monkeys).

Reintroduction of the death penalty but only for those who fail to indicate at roundabouts.

Big Brother house to be redeveloped as a practice range for the RAF's new fleet of B52s.

Jade Goody to be redeveloped as a secondary practice range for the RAF's new fleet of B52s in case of fog at the Big Brother house.

Wearing of baseball caps to be banned except if playing baseball.

Baseball to be banned.

Free Werthers Originals for all.

Public flogging for owners of cell phones with 'amusing' ring tones.

Limited introduction of Sharia law. Only to apply to unmarried teenagers with multiple kids and no job.

Being Ken Livingstone or George Galloway to become a criminal offence.

Ancient monuments to be restored to their original condition - especially Hadrians Wall.

Ancient Mariners to be restored to their original condition. By God I looked good in my mess kit. If only I could still get into it. I might then be in with a chance of some last minute carnal knowledge before terminal incontinence finishes me off.
I'll vote for you, AM, with one amendment!

Litotes
 

Biped

LE
Book Reviewer
#18
I think the first thing I'd do would be to multiply forces funding by a factor of ten and deal with the issue that dare not speak its name, but is staring us in the face whilst wearing a bomb belt.

Re-introduce conscription for wasters, junkies, dole bludgers, crims and chavs.

Declare a holy jihad aginst all muslims, wherever they might be and start work. For Muslims in the UK, forced repatriation to homelands or those of their parents, grandparents, great grand parents, grand muftis and fecking ayatollas.

Nuke any country run by muslims until there was only glass where there used to be sand.

Use our armed forces to tackle the ones that escape.

Job done, problem solved.

Then . . . start one the next bunch; evangelists with Labour voters not long after.

It's harsh, but these are harsh times.
 
#19
first thing i would do is ban rap music and then turn tim shitbreathcuntluggsithinkiamblackwheniamnottwatface westwood into a figure 11 target on my own personal nuke range
next would be war with France we have been fighting them on and off for a thousand years its about time we started on them again
all people convicted of a crime sent to the falklands turned then turned loose on the live firing ranges give the troops some real targets on field firing
punch arsen wenger (or how ever you spell it) till his head explodes
make it illeagle to want to be a politiction unless you have spent at least 30 years being of some use to the country (not a lawyer)
re-establish trading links with the commonwealth
sort uncle bob and his ZANU/PF cronies out
make soaps illeagle especially eastbenders
what ever else i want
 

Similar threads

Top