• ARRSE have partnered with Armadillo Merino to bring you an ARRSE exclusive, generous discount offer on their full price range.
    To keep you warm with the best of Merino gear, visit www.armadillomerino.co.uk and use the code: NEWARRSE40 at the checkout to get 40% off!
    This superb deal has been generously offered to us by Armadillo Merino and is valid until midnight on the the 28th of February.

If you were locked in your shed ...

#1
If you were somehow forced into and locked in your shed by a local gang of South American hoodlums, what A-Team type machine could you build and smash through the door with?

Mine would be an old pram, powered by an electric strimmer, with an old bag of cement to give some oomfh. The "weapons" would consist of a spinning kayak paddle mounted to a cordless drill, with fishing hooks harry-blacked on the end for added effect.

The only drawback would be the length of lead on the strimmer, but no-one would come within 15ft of my shed.

Beware South American drug cartels!!
 
#2
I don't have a shed. But if I did, it would have a trap door in the floor leading to a nuclear blast-proof cellar full of weapons, a stash of foreign currency and a dozen fake passports. Apparently you can get the whole thing mail order.
 
#4
An old Jag engine strapped to a lawn mower with some MDF armour sporting 300 2 inch masonary nails. The weapon would be a length of piping firing old copies of 'Look-In' and 'Jackie' magazines (the DU style ammo is a couple of old 'Flick meine Arsch' jazz mags). I'd be wearing an old German helmet painted yellow (dont ask!) and a chinese fighting suit.
 
#7
I'd be screwed with the contents of my shed (the garage is a different matter and once the police allow me back in I'll be sorted)

the closest I can manage to an A team style assault will be charing out on a mountain bike waving an axe. I'll have to use the archery kit before riding the bike as I think I'll not manage bike and bow at the same time.
 

Fugly

ADC
DirtyBAT
#8
I wouldn't be breaking out for a while, it's where I keep the excess beer. I might have to knock a hole in the wall to piss through, though.
 
#10
theoriginalphantom said:
I'd be screwed with the contents of my shed (the garage is a different matter and once the police allow me back in I'll be sorted)

the closest I can manage to an A team style assault will be charing out on a mountain bike waving an axe. I'll have to use the archery kit before riding the bike as I think I'll not manage bike and bow at the same time.
How about if you replace the handle bars with the bow, and cover yourself in rolled up "Gentlemen's" magazines as armour.
 
#14
I'd batter the door down riding on my orange coloured Flymo, complete with mahogany coloured fire surround, two metal filing cabinets and numerous tins of assorted colour emulsion which I would fling with wild abandon with my leaf rake (nearest I can manage to a smoke screen) and chopping off legs at the ankles with my loppers, whilst shouting Flob-A-Dop_Weeeeeeeeed with a plastic flower pot on my head!






Oh, no I wouldn't, cos I haven't got anything to plug the Flymo into.......bollox!!
 
G

Goku

Guest
#15
milsum said:
Goku said:
I’d use the lifeless body of a little blond girl as a battering ram.
Bit squishy now isn't it? Best put it in a pot and stew it for dinner when you get hungry.
I took her to the local taxidermist while she was fresh, I could use her to batter a rhino to death now :D
 
#17
I would use my farts and my lighter to improvise a flamethrower to burn my way through the door.

Apparently they are of sufficient quality to achieve this, or thats what my Missus says, although I suspect it is her in the main.
 
#19
BlotBangRub said:
I would use my farts and my lighter to improvise a flamethrower to burn my way through the door.

Apparently they are of sufficient quality to achieve this, or thats what my Missus says, although I suspect it is her in the main.
BBR that implies you've found a bird willing to overcome your personality to endure your noxious fumes. She must be quite a lady. She is a lady, isn't she?
 
#20
milsum said:
BlotBangRub said:
I would use my farts and my lighter to improvise a flamethrower to burn my way through the door.

Apparently they are of sufficient quality to achieve this, or thats what my Missus says, although I suspect it is her in the main.
BBR that implies you've found a bird willing to overcome your personality to endure your noxious fumes. She must be quite a lady. She is a lady, isn't she?
Well, she has an extremely large 'clit'. Should I be worried?

A thought has just occured to me... Dear God!!!! :cry:

I'm gay!
 

Latest Threads

New Posts