If you had to put a CSE show on ...

#1
Ok, don't know if this has been done before, search shows nothing.

Got to thinking about some of the CSE shows I saw during my career. Some memorable moments ... some quite forgettable ones as well. Saw The Stranglers twice and, as mess host, spent two extreme nights on the lash with them. Paul Daniels was, well, Paul Daniels ... on stage but what a star back in the mess. The faux ABBA band Bjorn Again were ok if you like all that Dancing Queen shoite and Shakatak were, as expected, awful ... the only sport to be had was making one of the band members cry back at the bar.

Don't get me wrong; they all give up their time to travel to far places and entertain the troops, although I think the publicity works for them to. But what if you had to put a show together? What and who would be on the bill? Forget about your muckers or what they might want to see, this is your one shot so it's what YOU want ... fuck everyone else.

So my one off evening is:

The Compere ... Mr Al Murray

The Dancing Tarts ... Svetlana Orlova's dance group

Erodance studio.The winners of 5 Russian Cup Erotic Dance show 2009 ( ARDO) - YouTube

Erotic dance performance.Svetlana Orlova's dance group. - YouTube

The Band ... Deep Purple
 

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#3
Compere: James May

Main Act: An Episode from Takeshi's castle, in which members of Girls Aloud are stripped naked, covered in OMD-90, and forced to negotiate an obstacle course whilst pursued by a gang of robotic fisting gnomes.

Band: Iron Maiden

Interval act: Winona Ryder's Ping Pong ball trick:
 

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#5
We had some geordie cunt do stand up for us on H13. He was absolutely dire. Didn't get a descent laugh all night. It was actually cringeworthy.

A decent comedy act or a few tarts putting on a show with varying degrees of nudity and depravity is all i need
 
#6
Live sex show featuring The Proclaimers and The Saturdays, followed by the summary executions of carefully-selected politicians*.

*All of them.
 
#7
Live sex show featuring The Proclaimers and The Saturdays, followed by the summary executions of carefully-selected politicians*.

*All of them.
How bizarre - I was just listening to them in the car (The Proclaimers that is), and was struck by the notion of how good "I'm gonna be (500 miles)" would be as backing for a grumble flick...
 
#8
I wouldn't know what to stage for you younger crowd, but I would like to see Joe brown again ..he came to bahrain and was brill ( he liked a pint)the downside was the supporting act which was some Irish comedian in a emerald green suit who was utter utter shyte! cant even remember his name.
 
#9
Compere: Joker62

Singers: Bootifull, BigBird and Scoobs.

Dancers: K13, Jarrod, Aunty Stella, Trans, Reni and 5A.

Comedians: Biscuits_AB, Bravo_Bravo, VG and Falsh.

Magic Tricks: PG and his amazing disappearing hamsters.

Optical Illusions: The Lord Flash and his Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines.

Interval Entertainment: Dragknuckle, his dad, and a ball gag.
 
#11
I wouldn't know what to stage for you younger crowd, but I would like to see Joe brown again ..he came to bahrain and was brill ( he liked a pint)the downside was the supporting act which was some Irish comedian in a emerald green suit who was utter utter shyte! cant even remember his name.
Opening post says fuck everyone else ... it's your show mate and you can play who YOU want :)
 
#12
Compere: Joker62

Singers: Bootifull, BigBird and Scoobs.

Dancers: K13, Jarrod, Aunty Stella, Trans, Reni and 5A.

Comedians: Biscuits_AB, Bravo_Bravo, VG and Falsh.

Magic Tricks: PG and his amazing disappearing hamsters.

Optical Illusions: The Lord Flash and his Magnificent Men in their Flying Machines.

Interval Entertainment: Dragknuckle, his dad, and a ball gag.

Can anyone else see the one major flaw in Sluugys plan. Yep, you got it, B_B can't do "abroad".
 
#14
#15
I saw Ed Byrne in Muscat - he was fucking hysterical! However, the British Ambassador's wife was not amused and walked out...repeated use of the word 'cunt' might have had something to do with it. Al Murray at Banja Luka was quality too.
I could not, however, bear to see Jim fucking Davidson at Ali Al Salem.
 
#16
The cast from an entire series of 'Aerobics Oz Style'
 
#17
Ross Noble and Charley Boorman in Bastion a couple of years ago. Dull. Had to call them back to clear up their rooms when they left. Idle twats.
 
#19
Once had to endure Joe Pasquale and Showaddywaddy. I very nearly shat.

Dream line up:

Compere: Jim Jeffries
Music:The Pixies
Main Event: International Beach Volleyball tournament. Im sure we could manage the sand.
 
#20
Presenter- Paddy McGuinness

Band- The Lancashire Hotpots

Comedian- John Bishop

Plenty of pies and ale for the food and drink!

Sorted!
 

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