If you had a free hand, how would you redesign man and woman?

As the question asks, what would you change if you had free reign on a new design?
Give women a 'nag shut-down' switch. If it looks like they're about to go off on one, they go unconscious for an hour.

Men get a natural exoskeleton to protect their balls.

The world will be a much better place all round.
Actually the solution is quite simple. (for WE read the male of the species)

First we set "restore" (in the manner of our computer software systems) to a point about thirty minutes after "God created woman". Those of us who are unhappy about the appearance or attitude of the "creation" they have been allocated should then reset to a point thirty minutes BEFORE that momentous occasion.

Now we have a second chance. And it is in our hands not to screw it up again!

At this point I pass the motion to the floor for suggestions.

Use your new opportunity wisely gentlemen.
Remove the nipples from men and add some hard cover for the testicles.

Women will come in for some serious redesign - disconnect the wiring from brain to uterus and connect it instead to eyes and ears; add a second vagina working 90 degrees out of phase to the other one (so there's at least one in working order at any one time); position both further away from the anus - that's always available if you want that sort of fun but it shouldn't be compulsory; find some way to connect mouth to brain without the memory having any input; regulate hormone production in some sensible way, rather than the shockingly haphazard effort we're stuck with now. Breasts... actually, breasts are fine. Breasts can stay.
Tits would be 'non sag'!
Clunge would be self tightening, and babies would come from laying an egg no bigger than a turd
Jiz would taste like chocolate ice cream
Female body hair would cease to exist
Penii would be 'detachable' ( tours would be soooo much easier)
Men would be able to multitask ( like walking and breathing)
Wine would actually render me devastatingly attractive, funny, fabulous at dancing etc instead of just making me THINK I am.

Posted from the ARRSE Mobile app (iOS or Android)
I'd fit an extra pair of tits in the gap between the girls belly button and her hips....Plenty of room there. That's why it's called a waste ! ( waist, geddit ? No ? I'll get my coat).
Be Turkish ( or a fully fledged Raghead), nothing like a good stoning cos the missus had a headache.

Tolerance aye?


Book Reviewer
Not so much redesign than reprogramming. Any woman who takes longer than 1 hour to select a pair of shoes should suffer irreversible and permanent mental shut down.

New Posts

Latest Threads