If you could meet your 14 year old self.......

#1
What three pearls of life's accrued wisdom would you impart to them?

Mine would be:

1. Never drink anything alcoholic with blackcurrant added to it.

2. Don't get married til you're at least 30.

3. Don't waste any money, sweat and tears following the England football team anytime after Italia 90.


Not a lot to impart but each one is a hard learned lesson.
 
#2
1. Don't get caught stealing Railwayana.
2. Screw EVERYTHING that walks.
3. Kill Afghan Kandak at the earliest opportunity.
 
T

trowel

Guest
#3
What three pearls of life's accrued wisdom would you impart to them?

Mine would be:

1. Never drink anything alcoholic with blackcurrant added to it.

2. Don't get married til you're at least 30.

3. Don't waste any money, sweat and tears following the England football team anytime after Italia 90.


Not a lot to impart but each one is a hard learned lesson.
My 14 year old self would probably slap me round the back of the head for being a boring, pontificating, old twat.
 
#4
My 14 year old self would probably slap me round the back of the head for being a boring, pontificating, old twat.
I know what you mean. The older me would mutter 'and get a haircut' whilst the younger me flicked Vs at the fat, bald, old git!
 
#5
My 14 year old self would probably slap me round the back of the head for being a boring, pontificating, old twat.
By an odd coincidence, that'd probably be what I'd do to my 14 year old self.

Oh, and tell him not to believe all that crap about masturbation.
 
#6
1. Never get married shag any thing but always walk away

2. Never listen to a sprog officer when in a contact in Basra

3. Save money and not piss it up the wall
 
#7
1. Don,t put junior guardsman as your third choice.

2. Don,t trust the sergeant at the AFCO {ACIO as it was then}

3. Don,t believe anyone who says that you always get one of your first two choices.
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#8
1. Your dad actually is right about most things and you'll spout his words of wisdom in some years time

2. Don't start smoking

3. Save 1-2 days pay every month
 
T

Tinman74

Guest
#9
1. Gwars go like a train through a tunnel.

2. Dont fuck want you cant fight.

3. Never reply to a PTI that it was easy.
 
#10
1)Not to shag the older bird (17) you pull at a party in Parr, as she has crabs.:omfg:

21 years later I'm itching at the thought of it.

2) DO NOT MARRY ANY WOMEN CALLED SYLVIA TRUST ME ON THIS.

3) See point 2.

4) Never think when facing some cunt with sharp pointy things "Oh yeah right, they're bluffing".
 
#11
1. Get a trade in the army preferably medic cos they make a bomb offshore are always in demand and do less work than me ( which is not alot)

2. Stay in the full 22 yrs civvy strasse ain't all its cracked up to be.

3. Drink in moderation
 
#12
1. Never tell a woman the back of her head is her best side

2. Never go back to the ex for a shag for old time's sake, it will end with five years of bunny boiling.

3. When a small, fat GP wearing shocking red braces tells you that you're imagining the gut wrenching pain and that you are mental, you should definately head butt the fat cunt across the room before going to hospital and getting the blockage in your colon sorted out.
 
#13
It's going to be alright.
 
#14
A good one Jarrod248,

and it made me laugh.
 
#15
"Start a cult. You'll thank me for it, one day."
 
#16
1.Do exactly as you intended to do and dont listen to anyone that says "youll never be able to do that" slack arrsed cnuts.
2.Shag for britain, always, always bag up!
3.Get on every course going, instead of feeling sorry for the slacked arrsed cnuts whinging "We have to cover for you now". Where are they now? feckers.
3a.Dont try and drink so much, and save a bit more.

SK
 
#17
1) Papillion will win the National this year.
2) You WILL NOT suit blonde hair. Really.
3) That one is a liar, that one is really gay, that one has serious boundary issues and that one will bore you to tears for three precious years. Hang on for that one - he may have a barely-understandable accent and very odd eating habits, but he's surprisingly rich and has a big willy.

LB
 
#18
Never mind meeting myself; I'd much rather meet my 16 year old girlfriend of the day :-D
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#19
A good one Jarrod248,

and it made me laugh.
Time we has some rain or this years potatoes will be tiny. What do you mean you need a new car, nothing wrong with what you've got. I hope you're putting plenty of money in the bank. Why are you going abroad on holiday, have you money to burn? You don't need a car anyway, get a small van. Want to borrow some money? I'm not a bank. Don't like fish? Course you do. Stiff neck? I told you to wear a tie.
 
#20
Son, you recently turned down Sylvias sister, Barbara. Recant and go and do her now, you can get away with it as you are both just 14.

Always shag older women if you get the chance - including the old Irish bird at the bowling alley who will look at you in a funny way and try to touch your arse when you are 15. The thing about older women is that they don't yell, they don't tell and they are as grateful as hell.

Don't get married. Don't ever get married. Never get married. Capisce?
 

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