If you could make a TV show......

#81
Best seller for me would be a weekly hour called "Can't Work/ Won't Work"
Chavs & general scum being chain ganged into litter picking ( theirs probably), chewing gum removal by toothbrush, graffiti removal with cotton buds ( preferrably in the pissing rain) and pot hole filling overseen by brutal (retired) forces training staff. Beligerent non-compliants to be Tazered into submission.
Reward? 5 minutes on a non smart PAYG to tell the world of their views plus barely edible prison-level scran at the end of the day. In the dark that is..and that's just summer.
Losers? Compulsory scrote snips & Fallopian tube tie-offs then kettled into enclosed buildings with basic rations & bedding, with 12 foot high electrified razor wire, perimeters encircled by land-sharks.
Oh...the joy.
 
#83
Tamsin Greig and Olivia Coleman are lesbian lovers...............that’s all I’ve got so far.
28. Sapphire Love Adverts

A lovely female same sex couple go into business running and modelling and advertising agency, prompting many young ladies to seek fame and fortune as models. However, as well as the official agency work, the girls have a profitable business filming spoof adverts and doing spoof adverts for magazines, and special interest collectors. Just like this one in fact: https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/suggestive-adverts.206724/page-2#post-8459616

29. Shut Your Cakehole

Members of the public are invited to air their dumb opinions and gripes, whilst an audience is invited to throw stale rock cakes, three month old doughnuts, and stiff sponges. This week visiting Thai resident JohnG bores everyone to death with tales of how he thinks things should be, and recieves a beating from a man armed with a specially toughened swiss roll.
 
#84
30. The Sperm Bank

A behind the scene look at sperm donation. Meet cheery receptionist Lucy, who cheekily tells donors to think about her, assistant Keith who says he would like to offer a hand, and donor Hans who says he has to look at Pregnant Babes to get him into the right frame of mind.

31. Fake Sperm Bank

Renting a shop space and investing in some magazines and tissues, our team of jokers spare no effort in embarrassing willing donors on live TV. What a bunch of tossers!

32. Britain's Funniest Accidents

Adding insult to injury. This week 29 year old Frank has to visit casualty with a broken nose, a black eye, and a broken tooth after visiting a dyslexic tattooist and getting a tattoo dedicated to "The sweatiest girl in the world".
 
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#85
33. Brainy Bikini Babes Explain....

Splash! Watch our cheery and friendly STEM girls splash about in the pool as they explain the mathematics involved with landing an aircraft on the deck of an aircraft carrier, with the aid of a scale model. Commemorating both the year of Engineering and the 100th anniversary of the first aircraft carrier, our girls will charm, entertain, and educate you.
 
#86
Through the keyhole

Drunk tramps are to perform keyhole surgery on MP's

The public vote on whether should succeed or fail

They get their weight in buckfast if they meet the public vote, but don't know the result until after the surgery
 
#87
I was thinking of this sort of thing - but with tasteful female nudity. More later....
Is that the one where ladies lie in front of hilly features to see if their bosoms match the mountains? (warning: some episodes contain trig points. Specifically episode 5, 23, 800 and 1642).


The follow up series with blokes was not to my taste at all, especially the hill in Cornwall and the one set on the Campbeltown, ahem, peninsula
 
#89
Mind How You Go

MPs and Lords lose all their allowances and perks and have to live in the country they created. Fly on the wall documentary style coverage as they find out what happens when you don't have police protection 24/7, subsidised homes, food, drink, expenses and other taxpayer-funded largesse to squander as you see fit! Watch MPs queue for NHS treatment! See them struggle to interest police in Internet name-calling!
 
#90
I'd love to see a new game show where members of the public have to answer questions to win prizes for celebrity guests.

Linda from Birmingham who works at the local Poundland on minimum wage answers fairly easy questions and she wins a new Lotus Elise for her celebrity 'partner' Martin Freeman. Linda gets a souvenir mug and a photo of her and Martin with the host of the show, Peter Andre.

Next up is Simon from Halifax (unemployed) playing to win a Villa in Spain for Claire Balding.
I like it. With some refinements if I may. I think that the poor people would still get even easy questions wrong by sheer stupidity or because of some weird sense of unfairness and outrage. So if the contestant failed to win the prize for “their” celebrity they should fight naked in mud with axes and blowtorches.
 
#93
I had an idea once for a film where the Adams Family went on holiday with the Munsters and got up to all kinds of nonsense.
 
#94
24 hours in custardy
34. Twenty Fours Hours in Custardy

This week we follow four students girls attempting to go about their normal activities wearing nothing but a layer of custard, for a whole twenty fours hours. If you like girls, students, or custard, this will be one not to miss.
 
#95
34. Twenty Fours Hours in Custardy

This week we follow four students girls attempting to go about their normal activities wearing nothing but a layer of custard, for a whole twenty fours hours. If you like girls, students, or custard, this will be one not to miss.
After watching Episode 4,579 I`m still not sure if I like the format. It has potential though, definete potential, I`ll keep watching.
 

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