If you could make a TV show......

Yokel

LE
I was going to suggest ACAB's half hour....

96. ARRSE half hour

This week, former Guardsman and Copper ACAB, enjoys liquid refreshment whilst setting the World to rights. Later episodes will feature people driven to drink by PhotEx.

97. Brasso, Meths, or Cleaner?

An exciting new panel show in which contestants listen to incoherent rambling, and have to guess what the drunken twat has been drinking.
 

Yokel

LE
I was hoping for more suggestions, such as:

1. Programmes featuring stupid, anti social, or easily triggered types getting taught a lesson.

2. Programmes involving scantily clad women.

3. Spoof adverts for products with names like Creamy Delight..
 

Yokel

LE
98. Triggered!

This week we see how many people sign a petition against the dumping of Di-Hydrogen Monoxide, hear how somebody has started staging a protest outside his local lifeboat station as they once rescued a black man who lived more than five miles away, and see how campaigners are demanding changes to Midwifery courses in case a pregnant man needs to give birth.
 

Yokel

LE
99. But it was a good life....

Old and bold types tell you about how they walked ten miles each day to school, spent all day having hammers thrown at their heads, then walked another ten miles home. But it was a good life!

100. Return of the Yummy Mummy

Thirty three year old Lara says goodbye to the frump look as she has a makeover and does a photoshoot in only PVC boob tube and shorts.
 
The Gruniad.

Set in a local paper and catalogues the reporting triumphs of The Westbury Guardian and its 12 year old reporters who spend most of their time trawling local faceache and twatter for copy; such as that bloke who had to wait 20 mins at the drive thru for his wrap and the continuing mystery of the missing Blacky the cat.

Regular players:
Amy - The coked up 20 something reporter convinced she's heading for the big time, even though she can change the name of a street three times in the same report.
Simon - The sports reporter with a thing for Amy who dreams of being a PE teacher- but is too thick.
Johan - The Hipster editor who believes 'scrotal media' is the answer to the falling circulation.
Hamish - The ancient photographer, who pitches up at stories with the worlds collection of expensive photography gear but after getting all his toys set up just uses his iPhone.
Assorted Local Councillors - who would turn up to the opening of a crisp packet if they thought it'd get their picture in the paper.
Inspector Dent - The utterly incompetent local police inspector who thinks the 'power of running' will solve all problems and (desperate for promotion) feels posing for pictures next to his latest disaster while saying how its a great success will somehow make it happen.

Sadly not a comedy.
 
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Yokel

LE
Come on guys - time to crank it up for Yuletide. Ho Ho Ho - Bah Humbug!

101. The Nude Bakers

Do you like a girl with a nice pair of buns? Or some juicy baps you can sink your teeth into? Tough - or nudist baking ladies will be making Mince Pies and other seasonal fare.

102. Slop Man

Our hero travels around trying his hand at different jobs. These week he has a go at being a painter and decorator, and works as a part time chef.

103. Job Swap

We take low IQ people with poor interpersonal and technical skills, and remove them from management positions.

104. PMT Matters!

IT JUST DOES - OKAY!
 

Yokel

LE
105.Go Woke, Go Broke

Another episode of dickhead ideologues deciding to ruin companies by insulting their customers. This week we bring to market a new shaving foam with two prices - one for straight white males and a lower price for anyone else.

106.The Gasman

Britain's most flatulent person talks about his life and diet.

107. Punch The Lefty

Self explanatory!
 
Just in time for the Xmas schedules sit back and enjoy 'Taking the Mick'.

The heart warming tale of Mickey Rooney a poor smack head, granny burglar forced to live on the streets and beg for his next fix through no fault of his own.

Gasp as Micky is forced to doss around town due to a 'debt' he has incurred, through no fault of his own.

Smile as Micky is given a tent to live in by kindly charities.

Sit on the edge of your seat as Micky camps out next to the local Police Station as he doesn't feel safe anywhere due to the money he, through no fault of his own, owes to some Liverpudlian gentlemen.

Sigh as Mickeys worldly belongings are scattered by the wind and destroyed by the rain as Mickey doesn't bother to zip up/secure his tent - through no fault of his own.

Cry as Micky tells his tragic tale to the local paper saying how people thought he was scum treated him with no respect just because he had gotten into debt through no fault of his own.

Cry tears of joy when another charity kindly finds Micky a home for Xmas so he wont have to live on the streets.

Smile at the naivety of the charity workers who honestly believe that their supporting Micky will not result in a trashed flat and a massive bill, while Micky, through no fault of his own ends up back on the streets.

Edited to add.
SBS productions wishes to point out that 'Taking the Mick' is a fictitious programme and the title character bares no relation to anyone living or dead, in particular potentially litigious estates of small American actors who wasn't anything like that and its spelt different and everything.
 
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Yokel

LE
108 Hairy Housewives: Guess the Growler.
Nice to see someone entering into the spirit of this thread. Why not have something like that scene from the film Porkies. What about a Christmas erotic comedy? Police are investigating a suspected theft from the leisure centre changing room, but all the witness saw was a bottomless women from the waist down.

The only way to narrow it down is an identity parade. The victim and witness realise they are mistaken, and just for the sake of charity the women release a charity calendar with a difference.
 
Real housewives of Chelsea.

Groups of yummy mummies complain about the hardships that they face, such as the outstanding parking tickets on their Range Rover, how the Ivy now lets in the Hoi Polloi and the demands on their time, in spite of the fact that they have a cleaner, Philippino nanny and are getting f*cked on a daily basis by their personal trainer while their husbands are working themselves towards an early grave to pay for school fees and membership of the Hurlingham.
 

Yokel

LE
109. The ARRSE Christmas Lectures

A series of talks by the learned persons of ARRSE. Topics include how to hide the fact you have been drinking, how life was better in the old days, evading Kent Police, Meths based refreshments, how the SLR was NATO's super weapon..

110. Christmas Food and Drink

If you feel a little bloated by the seasonal fare then why not take a break from meals and snacks and learn about things you cannot make as you lack the cooking skills needed.

111. Christmas Cardigans

A late night show in which a number of young ladies tell us what Christmas means to them, whilst wearing an open Christmas cardigan and nothing else.
 
112 Expose your Member.

Similar to Krypton Factor but with a lower bar - out of necessity.

Your MPs are set tests of real world skills, General Knowledge (looking at you Lammy)
Parliamentary Knowledge/Current Affairs
Real World Skills, can you shop/make a meal etc.
Prizes involve being sent to celebrity get me out if here situations to see if they can function sociably.
Polemicists get sent to small dysfunctional communities to establish their own little Utopias.

Feature spot on MPs who deserve special investigation - Keith Vaz etc
 

triggerigger

War Hero
Ex Pro celeb boxing
Ainsley h v Audley h
Chris Evans vs Chris Eubank
Ant n Dec vs Mike Tyson
Gordon Ramsey v George groves
Phil from East enders vs Ricky Hatton.
Chris Peckham vs Joe calzagihi.:)
Three four minute rounds.
To the death.
 

Yokel

LE
112 Expose your Member.

Similar to Krypton Factor but with a lower bar - out of necessity.

Your MPs are set tests of real world skills, General Knowledge (looking at you Lammy)
Parliamentary Knowledge/Current Affairs
Real World Skills, can you shop/make a meal etc.
Prizes involve being sent to celebrity get me out if here situations to see if they can function sociably.
Polemicists get sent to small dysfunctional communities to establish their own little Utopias.

Feature spot on MPs who deserve special investigation - Keith Vaz etc
Sounds great. What about other challenges such as running a small business for a week or attending evening classes with constituents? IQ tests should be part of the programme. They also have to write essays which are then marked by academics and write a business plan.
 
Sounds great. What about other challenges such as running a small business for a week or attending evening classes with constituents? IQ tests should be part of the programme. They also have to write essays which are then marked by academics and write a business plan.
Call Princess Productions - I think we're onto something!
 

Yokel

LE
113. Saturday Morning Crumpet

Start the weekend with some tasty fresh crumpet....

114. Would you give up your seat?

This week our hilarious panel show has two guest members, formerly of Change UK. Questions include "do you listen to what people want?" and "did you think people would appreciate it?".

115. Bend it like Keith Vaz

"Hi, my name is Jim, would you like to buy a washing machine? Please, finish your Coke first......"

116. Batman

Participants drink tots of Pusser's Rum as they grab hold of bats and try to signal to the pilot of an approaching aircraft - all simulated of course. Or is it?

 
113. Saturday Morning Crumpet

Start the weekend with some tasty fresh crumpet....

114. Would you give up your seat?

This week our hilarious panel show has two guest members, formerly of Change UK. Questions include "do you listen to what people want?" and "did you think people would appreciate it?".

115. Bend it like Keith Vaz

"Hi, my name is Jim, would you like to buy a washing machine? Please, finish your Coke first......"

116. Batman

Participants drink tots of Pusser's Rum as they grab hold of bats and try to signal to the pilot of an approaching aircraft - all simulated of course. Or is it?
Looks to me like the Peyote is working just fine.
 

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