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If you could go back in time...

#2
I'd go back and tell Gail Porter to nosh me off or I'll magically make her hair fall out. After my black eye had gone and Gail was looking nice and shiny I'd tell Kelly Brook the same thing and carry on from there.

I'd also have sold my white fiat uno a month earlier in 1997.
 
#3
I'd go back to the end of term school disco and Head-butt my spotty self many times over for shitting my pants and running away when a very drunk and very fit Tina barker offered to suck my cock and let me finger her whilst everyone was doing the time warp.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#5
I'd go back in time and slip thalidomide into my next door neighbour's mum's tea while she was pregnant.
 
#6
I would chose about 1940 and on, after antibiotics were discovered and put in to use.

Also it was a more natural world.

I take it I wouldn't be defending Okinawa or a resident of Nagasaki !
 
#7
Can't make my mind up. Either take that steep hill a little slower on my bike, when I was 5. Or avoid playing fisticuffs with a moving car, when I was 12.


... or maybe asking that tall, rather beautiful blonde girl out on the off-chance, when I was 15, instead of logically analysing my chances :)
 
B

Boozy

Guest
#8
Thinking back...I'd probably have had locks fitted to my bedroom door at university...would have saved a whole heap of hassle. Even better i would have looked for a one person flat rather than the 3 absolute bellends i ended up cohabiting with!
 
#9
Thinking back...I'd probably have had locks fitted to my bedroom door at university...would have saved a whole heap of hassle. Even better i would have looked for a one person flat rather than the 3 absolute bellends i ended up cohabiting with!
Did someone break in and ravage your bottom? Pics please.
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#10
I'd go back to the battle of Waterloo, or perhaps Rourkes drift, with a GPMG and 50000rds of 1in5 bit. It'd be quality.
 

wedge_cadman

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#11
No need to go far back, probably only for self improvement;
Firstly go back to university with Bill Gates, Steve Jobs et al and invent the personal computer and the operating system making sure windows 3.11/95/98/ME are assigned to the waste bin.
Secondly meet Tim Berners Lee and invent the Tinterweb and introduce him to Gates/Jobs
Thirdly back to the playboy mansion and sell my new PC/Internet idea to Hugh Heffner. Streamed Playboy porn channel

Therefore as a young chap at college I would have had all day porn tv as I was unable to chat girls up and flicking the pages of magazines was too much trouble when having a pull.
 
P

PrinceAlbert

Guest
#15
Now you must decide what you want 1B1T or 4B1T, we dont supply 5B1T. And do you need some spare barrels for the GPMG?
Durrrrr, sorry 4B1T will be fine. I'd need a couple of barrels please. Why not the SF tripod too?
 
B

Boozy

Guest
#17
Did someone break in and ravage your bottom? Pics please.
Well it was probably something not entirely dissimilar haha, I escaped from one drunken advance with my honour in tact via a swift counter attack with a hockey stick (i'm female). On another occasion i returned to find a mini riot had taken place and my room had been totally trashed. there was also questionable stains on my bed and it looked like someone had been trying on every piece of clothing i left behind. Much laundry was done before i could sleep that night haha

But theres something decidedly dodgy about 3 men who choose to share the same double bed despite all having a double bed of their own while claiming they were straight... no wonder they never got laid!

Another thing I'd do would be to go back and stop the litte f*cker who pushed me over in the mad rush to get on a ride at blackpool pleasure beach in the early 90s, slashing open my chin in the process. that b*stards goin under the coasters wheels if i go back in time!
 

wedge_cadman

War Hero
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#19
Lieutenant John Chard: Do you think the Welsh can do better than that, Owen?
Pte. Owen: Well, they've got a very good bass section, mind, but no top tenors, that's for sure.

Take Simon Cowell and friends for judging and make sure they're on the receiving end of PAs GPMG
 
#20
I'd go back to the battle of Waterloo, or perhaps Rourkes drift, with a GPMG and 50000rds of 1in5 bit. It'd be quality.
I like your thinking. Harriers pilots would want to go to pearl harbour etc.

You've got to admit that at thr beginning of saving private Ryan those kraut looked to be having a ball with those mg42's. Up until the flamethrower turns up....