If world War 1 had been a bar fight.....

Discussion in 'Military History and Militaria' started by threesend, Feb 4, 2011.

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  1. If World War 1 was a bar fight

    Germany, Austria and Italy are stood together in the middle of the pub, when Serbia bumps into Austria, and spills Austria’s pint.

    Austria demands Serbia buy it a complete new suit, because there are splashes on its trouser leg.

    Germany expresses its support for Austria’s point of view.

    Britain recommends that everyone calm down a bit.

    Serbia points out that it can’t afford a whole suit, but offers to pay for cleaning Austria’s trousers.

    Russia and Serbia look at Austria.

    Austria asks Serbia who it’s looking at.

    Russia suggests that Austria should leave its little brother alone.

    Austria inquires as to whose army will assist Russia in compelling it to do so.

    Germany appeals to Britain that France has been looking at it, and that this is sufficiently out of order that Britain should not intervene.

    Britain replies that France can look at who it wants to, that Britain is looking at Germany too, and what is Germany going to do about it?

    Germany tells Russia to stop looking at Austria, or Germany will render Russia incapable of such action.

    Britain and France ask Germany whether it’s looking at Belgium.

    Turkey and Germany go off into a corner and whisper. When they come back, Turkey makes a show of not looking at anyone.

    Germany rolls up its sleeves, looks at France, and punches Belgium.

    France and Britain punch Germany. Austria punches Russia. Germany punches Britain and France with one hand and Russia with the other.

    Russia throws a punch at Germany, but misses and nearly falls over. Japan calls over from the other side of the room that it’s on Britain’s side, but stays there. Italy surprises everyone by punching Austria.

    Australia punches Turkey, and gets punched back. There are no hard feelings, because Britain made Australia do it.

    France gets thrown through a plate glass window, but gets back up and carries on fighting. Russia gets thrown through another one, gets knocked out, suffers brain damage, and wakes up with a complete personality change.

    Italy throws a punch at Austria and misses, but Austria falls over anyway. Italy raises both fists in the air and runs round the room chanting.

    America waits till Germany is about to fall over from sustained punching from Britain and France, then walks over and smashes it with a barstool, then pretends it won the fight all by itself.

    By now all the chairs are broken, and the big mirror over the bar is shattered. Britain, France and America agree that Germany threw the first punch, so the whole thing is Germany’s fault . While Germany is still unconscious, they go through its pockets, steal its wallet, and buy drinks for all their friends.

    And when Germany wakes up, it goes out to its car, gets the gun out of the glovebox and heads back inside...
  2. Goatman

    Goatman LE Book Reviewer

    Actually, IIRC ( bearing in mind strong drink was involved Yer Honour) Austria punched SERBIA first - and then only after Serbia's tearaway nutjob cousin had taken a succesful pop at Austria Uncle Franz, leaving him in ICU, where he koofered it.

    And when Russia took a swipe at Germany , well , that particular bit of the general free-for-all went on until Germany sneakily sent Russia a puzzling telegram marked ' Lenin- Special Delivery ' - about three minutes in.

    Oh and whilst Japan did indeed stand by the side for most of it with an inscrutable smile on its silly face, there was some swanning about a bit off ITALY's backside with a dark blue contingent for a good while.....but managed to persuade Germany they might be good pals to have in future brawls.
  3. AlienFTM

    AlienFTM LE Book Reviewer