If only it was a joke

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by B_AND_T, Nov 23, 2006.

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  1. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Thank you for calling the British Army. I'm sorry, but all our units are out at the moment, or are otherwise engaged. Please leave a message with your country, name of organization, the region, the specific crisis and a number at which we can call you. As soon as we have sorted out Kosovo, Bosnia, Macedonia, Serbia, Iraq, Afghanistan, Northern Ireland, Sierra Leone, the Congo, marching up and down bits of tarmac in London and compulsory health and safety at work training, we will return your call.





    Please speak after the tone or, if you require more options, listen to the following numbers:



    1. If your crisis is small and close to the sea, press 1 for the Royal

    Marines.



    2: If your concern is distant, with a tropical climate, good hotels and

    can be solved by one or two low-risk bombing runs, please press 2 for

    the Royal Air Force. (Please note that this service is not available after

    1630 or at weekends.)



    3: If your enquiry concerns a situation which can be resolved by a

    warship, some bunting, flags, a damn good cocktail party and a first

    class marching band please write, well in advance, to the First Sea Lord, The

    Royal Navy, Whitehall, London SW1.



    Thank you for calling and if you are interested in joining the Army (please, please, please do, although retention is fine and we are right up to strength) and wish to be liberalised yet paradoxically paid little, have premature arthritis, put your wife and family (or gay lover) in a condemned hut miles from civilisation, and are prepared to work your balls off day and night whilst watching the Treasury eroding your original terms and conditions and promising a better pension, serving mainly in sandy climes, whilst picking up rubbish and putting out house fires all over the UK, while fireman and binmen have a little holiday, then please stay on the line. Your call will shortly be passed on to a bitter, passed-over Recruiting Sergeant in a horrendously fronted, yet grotty little office down by the railway station.



    Have a nice day and thank you again for trying to contact The British Army
     
  2. Sorry mate read pretty much the same in the jokes section
     
  3. I saw this a while ago and there was an option 4

    If your crisis is urgent press 4 for Sandline International

    Obviously Sandline is no longer around so insert some other popular PMC
     
  4. Maybe there should be a section for really bloody old jokes off the internet
     
  5. Sandline ????. Noooo, doesn't exist old chap - never did, never will, never had anything to do with our chaps. Fleet Street's imagination at its finest.
     
  6. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    In Reply:

    Polar 69, there is, it's called e-goat.

    Whiffler, Your correct! I think you will find it should be 49 Para.
     
  7. 49 Para Inc, if you please
     
  8. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Many apologies, I will now leave the room with my head held in shame.