Discussion in 'Current Affairs, News and Analysis' started by meridian, Jan 20, 2009.
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Pretend General for the day
Reduce the size of the MoD civil service. return the jobs to guys in uniform. Bin contracts with Carillion, Aramark, MHS etc and instead that (where possible) these jobs where taken care of 'in house'.
Oh, and destroy PAYD with tactical nukes!!!
Merge the RAF with the AAC and FAA.
Fewer civil servants. More infantrymen.
Bring in JSF
Buy more UAVs
Chop down the entire opium poppy crop in the ME, refine it to heroin and morphine and sell it to hospitals and smack addicts in the UK to raise cash, bankrupt the Taliban and the drugs gangs and obtain the cooperation of the Afghani natives.
Repeal the treaty on cluster munitions and mines. If they don't like it, they shouldn't be our enemies...
Rebuild the navy.
Pizza for lunch.
Keep shtum about the dire state of HMF while I still had hopes of making the honours list.
Obviously once my time was up I would jump into every quango I could and would publically slate the MOD and gobment from the safety of the private sector (esspecially if I had a new book coming out).
That would show them.
HAHAHAHAHAHA, sounds very familiar of a certain somebody..
While its very easy to say "fewer MOD CS", has anyone thought what that actually means? Given the MOD has been cut year on year for the last 10 years or more, we're always doing more with less.
If you want wholesale cuts, then thats fine - what defence or business activity do you propose that we no longer do to make this happen? This is a serious question - if you cut CS numbers then you either need to accept that things don't happen as quickly admin wise (roughly half the CS is in admin roles), or you put troops into these roles and pay more money for doing the same job. Experience suggests that senior officers get very grumpy when the admin clerks are fired and you can't sort out filing and records and then have to appear in public environments without the correct information.
You've got roughly 25K non admin CS who work in secretariat, policy, intelligence, procurement, techncial areas, training and so on. Now if I had to cut CS numbers, I'd cut the H&S posts, the diversity posts and all the cruddy "feel good about yourself if you're not white, but you must loathe yourself if you're white middle class" trainer posts. The problem is that we only lose 500-1000 posts tops if that happens.
So my question is simple - where would you make these cuts, and how will you ensure the work gets done to the same cost afterwards, particularly bearing in mind that Service personnel are 2-3 more times expensive to use and employ than a CS.
Bring back puttees
Issue clasp knives
Expand and reform the Army Catering Corps to running Unit catering
(Starship Trooper) Everybody that serves and leaves with honourable discharge (and forms thereof) will be entitled to go to top of housing welfare higher form of unemployment benefit if required (firms to be fined for not employing ex-mob and tax breaks if they do)
Return NAAFI to the orignal NAAFI with their growlers, egg banjos and other minging grub
Pigs bars to become compulsory all SNCO and above banned and no comebacks whatsoever
Each County must provide a Batallion of Infantry regardless of population size and fund it from central government and County (All serving see Starship Troopers)
Bin those two aircraft carriers (manned by whom?) and invest in Future Soldier kit and equipment
Go back to the old days and let the military lead the future projects:
Signals to oversee future comms
RAC to oversee future Tank thingys
In consultation with the contractors
Bring back the WRAC (Brilliant Corps totally under rated by government)
Shut down Abbey Wood
Provide toilet paper at the Dixies corner toilets (You know who you are)
Tax all firms that employ foreign labour over national labour and plough money into single en suite man rooms for all personnel
The list could go on but will stop their - off to land of nod
Who DO you mean?
This is doomed. You'd have to be secretary of state for defence rather than a General to get much changed - because you be told theres no money for change. Even then you'd need compromising photographs of senior treasury officials in a state of deshabille with Ms or Mr Whiplash.
A General couldn't make these changes however if I was running defence I would introduce the following:
Serious investment in RAF passenger and cargo aircraft. We need an up to date fleet that can cope with sustained use with minimal maintenence.
Serious investment in troop carrier and attack helicopters. Whilst people go on about the reliabilty of CH47 etc perhaps if there were more helicopters they wouldn't take such of a hammering all the time.
R & R starts when you get back on UK/German soil.
PAYD reviewed and run by military chefs. Rather than paying cash you have a swipe card that deducts the cost of what you eat direct from your wages.
More emphasis on retention and career management. This also means posting people to one of their 3 prefered locations.
Accountabilty for civil servants, especially the pay people in Glasgow!
Employ procurement experts who are supported by the MoD end users. This means rather than ask a staff officers opinion on something ask the pte whose going to be actually using the bloody thing.
Reform the military hospitals.
Increase wages across the board.
Sort out single accommodation and married quarters. Ditch MHS and hire a company who know their arse from their elbow when it comes to FM.
No tax on tour. This doesn't mean you'll only get the most junior pte tax back, you get your full tax back.
For those who are married and own their own house (i.e. unaccompanied) when you are on tour your other half only pays single person council tax (which the other halves of those in jail do).
Allowances keep up with inflation, prime example cost of fuel!
Increase the size of the Army across the board so you can expect 36 months between tours instead of the 12 months which I get at the moment!
Replace Movers with people who know what the fcuk they are doing.
Mount a coup.
Refuse point blank to deploy troops without direct orders from HM unless the resource allocation was sufficient.
Swap the defence and social security budgets round, in ten years we'll have retaken the empire!
Bin MOD CS who are assigned to 'evaluate' military equipement such as submarines, MBTs, aircraft, weapons etc, when they know fcuk all about them; and for the CS to actually think about what it means operationally rather than financially when they submit their report.
Also, stop selling or trying to sell our heritage by turning our old buildings the spiritual homes of Corps and Regts to luxuary flat developers.
Divert the Welfare budget into defence as well.
What hospitals? You can't reform what isn't there anymore.
However, I would suggest building a brand new custom hospital, preferably near an airbase (such as Brize, Lynham etc...), with all the bells and whistles, that would give priority to military personnel.
The new 'Mega' hospital would include:
A dedicated pyschiatric unit with emphasis on treating PTSD (including roving teams to visit medical centre's around the country).
Suitable (Z type) and sufficient accommodation for families so they can visit their loved ones.
Suitable (Z type) accommodation for wounded/injured/sick service personnel who are in transit.
A brand new up to date rehab dept to work hand in hand with Headley and the RRUs.
Numerous Intensive Care beds.
The specialist departments would include:
Tropical disease centre
This would mean that the NHS could 'buy' places in these specialist area's from the MOD (at a suitable cost), just like they are currently doing from other NHS Trusts.
This would ensure that all military medical staff skills were kept up to date with relevant skills, regardless of whether it is peacetime or not.
The initial outlay would be expensive, but the benefit's reaped would be great.
Sorry, poorly worded. I mean re-establish the military hospitals.
Separate names with a comma.