If I start smoking a pipe will people think I'm a c*nt?

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Bushmills, Oct 19, 2011.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. Allreet lads?
    I am a two and a half pack a day smoker and am thinking of taking up smoking a pipe for the following reasons:
    • Cheaper
    • Less harmfull to health
    • My little boy has asthma (I never smoke in the house) but apparently he can pick up cigarette toxins from my clothing.
    I am 44 and can not bring myself to smoke roll ups as it seems a bit "Walton" and "Strangeways". Therefore, do you think I will look like a w*nker smoking a pipe or at 44 I am enough of an old duffer to get away with it?
  2. Your son picking up cigarette toxins from your clothing is about as likely as your daughter becomming pregnant from using the bath that you once wanked in.

    I reckon you would look daft with a pipe, but then I smoke roll ups so who the fuck cares what I say. Pipes, in my non qualified opinion, would probably do more damage to your gums and teeth. Can't you just find someone who does cheap fags?

  3. Jarrod ?
  4. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    Smoking a pipe is like wearing pink. If you cant carry it off with absolute confidence you will look like a wanker. So practice at home. Its amazing how many birds love the smell of a pipe and if like me you go for a half billiard they think you are Sherlock Holmes.
    • Like Like x 1
  5. Only hippies and muslims use pipes! Real men smoke unfiltered woodbines
  6. Bushmills,
    Easier just to quit, Hard to begin with but as time goes on you,ll feel less like you need a tab, Would your wee boy not be affected the same way
    by the toxins on your clothes by pipe baccy?
    I found chewing gum helped me stop smoking and unlike with a pipe, you won,t look like someone from a pathe news film.
  7. If you desire to smoke a pipe it will confirm your predilection for little boys anus's and the sweet tang of a pubeless perinium..
    • Like Like x 1
  8. Get down the docs and ask for 'Champix' - they do work, take away the craving when trying to quit - and give you crazy dreams to boot.

    Or switch to a 'natural tobacco' - i.e. no benzine, formalahide, etc added. I knocked 50 secs off my 1.5 time when I switched!

    p.s. Yes you'll look like a cunt with a pipe. Either quit or commit and stop this fannying about.
  9. Wunh? That's like spending 2 weeks wanking in Thailand.
    • Like Like x 1
  10. B_AND_T

    B_AND_T LE Book Reviewer

    Although I don't like the word, yes you will look like a cunt!
  11. I do actually have a pipe but rarely smoke it. I find it's not the same and i'd light a cig up after smoking a pipe. It's just not my desired way to smoke. If it works for the poster then all well and good.
  12. it also adds a visual full stop to whatever you're saying and looks to be good for gesturing whilst speaking like a country gent. why not grow a moustache to go with it?
  13. Tried champix. Didn't work. Plus it sends some people mental.
  14. Get a pipe. Lock yourself into your bathroom. Strike a pose with your pipe in your mouth in front of the mirror. Do you look like Sherlock Holmes? Do you look like a craggy-jawed 1940s matinee idol cast as the skipper of a destroyer, or as a dashing fighter pilot? Do you look wise? Interesting? Trustworthy and dependable? No. You just look like a twat. Break the pipe in two. Throw it in the bin. Unlock the door and exit the bathroom, vowing as you do so to give up smoking all together.
    • Like Like x 3