If D-Day happened today

I suppose the headlines would look like this:

 

My, my, we have got our cynical head on today

Surely you missed a vital one though:

"Phil Shiner and a detachment of UK Human Rights Lawyers were parachuted in in advance of the main landing force. They are now in direct liaison with Oberbefehlshalber West and the first cases against Allied Forces will begin shortly. The first communique has already been dispatched:

"Send more taxpayers money - oink!"

 

How about:

Troops forced to collect The Sun's France for a pound tokens in order to join battle due to equipment cuts

 

Nice one Centurion

 

I'd prefer to see how today's press would report events then:

 

Couldn't be done because it would breach too many Health and Safety regulations.

 

POW's wearing a polar badge will be murdered by the SS - damn that's an historical truth

 

And the Canuks and Septics would need Schengen visas.

 

Don't forget the Gerries Yooman Rights also.

 

"A number of cases have been brought against British soldiers by Germans claiming that they have been called Huns, which they see as offensive. Shami Chakrabarti's group Liberty has taking up the case and is hoping to recieve £5,000,000 worth of damages for hurt feelings"

One for the pacific:

"British soldiers have been caught up in a race storm after killing a Japanese soldier"

 

"Are you on the beaches? Have you been affected by this story? Email or text your photographs to the BBC at freebiewobblyphotos.co.uk

"An inquiry is underway following the broadcast on June 5th, of vital information about the position of the likely Allied assault beaches in a live two-way between Jeremey Vine and a BBC Defence Correspondent".

"Breaking news here on Sky: reports are coming in of heavy fighting on Obama beach, where the Americans are taking heavy casualties. More on that when someone cuts and pastes the wire copy to my laptop. And now the weather with Julie".

"Mark Mardell joins us now from Brussels to assess the likely economic impact of the Normandy invasion".

"Tune into Five Live tonight for a phone-in from Bayeux about how the fighting has affected disabled civilians".

 

"Citizens in St-Mère-Église have complained to allied commanders of excessive noise pollution caused by the Dakotas, machine guns and hand grenades. The citizens are seeking compensation for this and the case is expected to be heard in court tomorrow.

Citizens from near-by Bion are sueing the War Office for descrimination after finding out no paratroopers were to land in their commune while most of the surrounding communes were liberated in the early hours of this morning."

 

"The French 2nd Armoured Division" prepare to land in Normandy to help liberate their country" (Finally arrive on D+55)

 

Surely the main news would be how it is against people's human rights to force them to join up and how more recruites are dropping out of training due to being shouted at and being dissed.

 

We would be 'CATTLE-TRUCKED' and many, many good men and women would die. Despite the plethora of Bliar engendered 'chavs' and general 'filth' littering our streets and leaving our schools unable to read and write properly, they would almost certainly 'Die Hard'.

Why would we be CATTLE-TRUCKED? Because of:

a lack of political direction and an acceptable moral justification.