If D-Day happened today

I suppose the headlines would look like this:

"This just in, spokesperson of General Rundstedt's staff just took our reporters to places where they can see scores of civillians slaughtered by indiscriminate unlawful warcrime bombing..."
"Special feature: direct view from German bunker on Omaha beach..."
"Reichminister of information denies any invasion took place and claimed that any and all so-called Allied force that might find itself in France was already beaten to the sea..."
"Allied troops face a quagmire in the hedgerows of Normandy, ouŕ military analysts claim it was no surprise and the operation will end in fiasco..."
"Prisoners of war reportedly mistreated by Airborne forces..."
"Assault on Merville and Pointe du Hoc batterys is another example of HQ providing false information to justify the invasion, there were no guns capable of firing on the beaches. SHAEF lied, people died!"
"Live footage from anti-war protests in Washington, D.C...."
My, my, we have got our cynical head on today :D

Surely you missed a vital one though:

"Phil Shiner and a detachment of UK Human Rights Lawyers were parachuted in in advance of the main landing force. They are now in direct liaison with Oberbefehlshalber West and the first cases against Allied Forces will begin shortly. The first communique has already been dispatched:

"Send more taxpayers money - oink!"
How about:

Troops forced to collect The Sun's France for a pound tokens in order to join battle due to equipment cuts
wompingwillow said:
How about:

Troops forced to collect The Sun's France for a pound tokens in order to join battle due to equipment cuts
Nice one Centurion :D
I'd prefer to see how today's press would report events then:


EXCLUSIVE: Behind the scenes with Big Brother.
AMAZING TAP-DANCING DOG: We ask if this could win Britain's Got Talent.
SMOKES LIKE A TRAIN, DRINKS LIKE A FISH, SWEARS LIKE A TROOPER: Our Health Reporter asks if Churchill is really fit to govern.
PROFILE ON 'UNCLE JOE' STALIN: Why does he get such a bad press?
FORCES SWEETHEART SCANDAL: Vera Lynn seen wearing wrong-coloured shoes at Army base.

[align=center]IN OTHER NEWS[/align]

DUTY CUTIE: See Wendy take her clothes off for the troops on page 3.
INVASION ON: Our investigative journalist reveals leaked documents confirming Normandy invasion set for ten days time.
ALSO REVEALED: Plans to bar reporters from accompanying US landing on Omaha Beach. Does this cover-up affect our right to know? (Vote in our poll on page 7)
LATEST CASUALTIES: Several Service personnel killed in various far-off places.


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big_mad_ejit said:
Couldn't be done because it would breach too many Health and Safety regulations.
Don't forget the Gerries Yooman Rights also.


"A number of cases have been brought against British soldiers by Germans claiming that they have been called Huns, which they see as offensive. Shami Chakrabarti's group Liberty has taking up the case and is hoping to recieve £5,000,000 worth of damages for hurt feelings"

One for the pacific:

"British soldiers have been caught up in a race storm after killing a Japanese soldier"
"Are you on the beaches? Have you been affected by this story? Email or text your photographs to the BBC at freebiewobblyphotos.co.uk

"An inquiry is underway following the broadcast on June 5th, of vital information about the position of the likely Allied assault beaches in a live two-way between Jeremey Vine and a BBC Defence Correspondent".

"Breaking news here on Sky: reports are coming in of heavy fighting on Obama beach, where the Americans are taking heavy casualties. More on that when someone cuts and pastes the wire copy to my laptop. And now the weather with Julie".

"Mark Mardell joins us now from Brussels to assess the likely economic impact of the Normandy invasion".

"Tune into Five Live tonight for a phone-in from Bayeux about how the fighting has affected disabled civilians".
"Citizens in St-Mère-Église have complained to allied commanders of excessive noise pollution caused by the Dakotas, machine guns and hand grenades. The citizens are seeking compensation for this and the case is expected to be heard in court tomorrow.

Citizens from near-by Bion are sueing the War Office for descrimination after finding out no paratroopers were to land in their commune while most of the surrounding communes were liberated in the early hours of this morning."
"The French 2nd Armoured Division" prepare to land in Normandy to help liberate their country" (Finally arrive on D+55)


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Surely the main news would be how it is against people's human rights to force them to join up and how more recruites are dropping out of training due to being shouted at and being dissed.
We would be 'CATTLE-TRUCKED' and many, many good men and women would die. Despite the plethora of Bliar engendered 'chavs' and general 'filth' littering our streets and leaving our schools unable to read and write properly, they would almost certainly 'Die Hard'.

Why would we be CATTLE-TRUCKED? Because of:

a lack of political direction and an acceptable moral justification.
Allegations of mistreatment of POWs at Eden camp leads to repatriation of all German POWs. Prisoners reported being forced to wear ill-fitting uniforms with 'POW' stamped on the back. Hans Freising told our reporter,
"I feel so degraded and downtrodden. I am not even allowed internet or telephone access and am told that if I wish to communicate with my family I have to write the letters!" Other prisoners reported horrific treatments which included things such as shared accommodation, no access to Illegal drugs for recreational use and having the unelected Col. Thompson as camp commander.
It could happen today!!

Is the British Army capable of deploying 2-3 full divisions?, is the navy capable of moving them? is the army capable of deploying an additional airborne division? is the RAF capable of moving them?
I dread to think.

All the gang land knife boys would pooh their pants, the Immigrants would all suddenly remember where they left their passport and Benefits claims for Disability allowance would go through the roof.

But one things for sure, I wouldn't want to be the poor cnut that'd have to write the risk assessment.... :D

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