If ARRSE ran a television channel...


Book Reviewer
...what would the line up consist of?

Clearly it would be un-PC. That's a given. It would have to include lots of Top Gear and probably have JC as lead anchor for the news and for chat shows.

Every evening there would be a war film of some sort. I'll allow porn only after 2300 hrs though.

What else would be on our line up, and what programmes would be outright banned? Who would we sign up to do our chat shows and political commentary? Who would do the news and weather?

Over to you...
On the banned any reality TV other than BAD LADS, that includes strictly come dancing.
We could have a new reality TV show "I'm a politician, leave me here to die" and set it in Basra or Helmand?
We should keep the X Factor though.

The judges would be;

Me, Mdn, Biscuits_AB and Moodybitch.

Keep the same format but the last show would be the rivals milling each other. The winner would then be shot in the face on live TV.
What about politician vs soldier cage fights

oh and tramp vs immigrant, if the tramp wins he gets the immigrants benefits
Reality TV couldn't go. I have a few good plans for that.

How about "Celebrity Naafi Island" Put 12 "Celebs" in a naafi for a month with a different platoon in each week. Enjoy.

Big brother - Filmed in an OP living in hard routine, sh1tting in bags the works.

Other ideas

Devils kitchen - FAO chefs
Dragons Den - Resettlement ideas
Police Camera action - RMP, RP's and the Badge

Oh and lets not forget a two part documentary about a serving soldier who decides to give it all up and sign his penis back into the stores :D
Truth or forfeit with politicians............. if the ARRSE hierachy thought a politician or media scumbag wasnt telling the truth they could be put on a panel headed by the evil ones, Flashy, MDN, Biscuits and Slug for interrogating ooops sorry interviewing. After the kangaroo court they could be whisked off to Daves villa in Spain for a fortnight or to a spin the board location directed by the panel.
These places could include Iraqistan, Maried Quarters in Colchester, On the street with homeless ex Squaddies, or others chosen by ARRSE members. All would come with free flight on a Hercules (without ear defenders, and PAYD catered by Sodexho.

Might need a nightly 2 hour slot though as could have plenty of customers.
We would need live footage of real executions for The Execution Special at 2200 each night. Saddam and his chums etc. Plus the Tache Comp. Plus live reporting of the beastings at Gitmo. Subliminal footage of Mrs T. Party political broadcasts by BNP.

Plus a Blue Peter type thing *How to sex up your dossier*.
What about unit bar friday would have to be put on very late
duffdike said:
Subliminal footage of Mrs T. Party political broadcasts by BNP.
I don't think you'd need any subliminal messages. Neofascism does down a storm on this forum already.


How about live friday night naafi punch ups.
we could also get a competition going to find the hardest regt/corps etc.

Also live grandslamming back at the block would be good for a laugh :D
We would of course have to put on re-runs of 'Soldier, Soldier', 'Spearhead' (anyone else remember that?), 'Bilko' and 'Enemy at the door'.

Blue Peter would be renamed 'Green Bob' and would have stripping and assembling various weapons, driving various new mil wagons around and a spot where you see a new married quarter being built using sticky backed plastic.

The presenters would be Katie Melua, Daisy Donovan and that fit chick from corrie - all wearing sussies.
At last, a channel where "Platoon" can be put down as educational.

How about a soap opera set in Camp Bastion, or an updated version of M*A*S*H.

And agree to all ideas about horrible deaths and pain for reality show contestants and host. Ant and Dec first up against the wall followed by Tess Daly and Kate Thornton after they've had their back door smashed wide open by any units on tour at the time. Same goes for Danni Minogue except she can live to service the next unit too.
Flashy, I like your style young sir.

How about putting Sharpe on that reruns list, the heer amount of munters he went through should give him a naafi god like status as it is.
How about some documentaries on Military History?

Great Military Disasters : Episode #1. US Special Forces Fiascos.

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