If Arrse did Bond....

Discussion in 'Films, Music and All Things Artsy' started by the_matelot, Nov 14, 2006.

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  1. Right, loathe it or love it, the umpteenth Bond is about to be released.

    Now, the question is, who would play whom?

    Now, logically as Bond is 'feared by his enemies, adored by his nation and trained by the navy' (copyright some fcuking muppet 2 1/2 ringer who was chasing his 3rd in a horrendously embarassing 1997 recruitment campaign) it should be the Senior Service who plays Bond, i.e. Me, however whilst I can do the Sean Connery 'arched eyebrows' thingy, being a matelot, I shouldn't be trusted with bang sticks so therefore I am happy to be ruled out and am quite content to be 'drunken matelot in dodgy bar in Dubai sniffing after anything with a pulse and a shadow no 413' whilst directing it.

    Who are your nominations?

    Slug has already mentioned that she wants to be the streetwhore who gets banged like a sh1t house door in a force 9.
  2. Can I be some Trolley Dolly on Bonds private jet please?
  3. I'll be "M"
  4. Can I be 4th Henchman to the evil genius baddie please?

    I was going to ask for 5th Henchman, but I reckon I'm better than that.
  5. I'm scottish and in the RAF Regt. So I'm naturally hard, good at driving, and attractive to wimmin.

    Surely I can be the only choice for JB.
  6. Odd Job Please
  7. Bill, if they need someone to open the barrier in the 'Airport Entry' scene, they know where to come. For the interesting bits, they will come to the more experienced services!
  8. Oi Butler, if I am going to get banged like a sh1t house door in a force 9, will you hoover my room? Do I have to call the RAF Regt in? Bonesey. pack your bags mate.
  9. Can I be the one who takes Dale's virginity?
  10. NB, Do one.

    <chucks bergen & webbin on>

    I'm on me way Dale!
  11. id be another 00

    possibly a young whippersnapper, dashing good looks and sex appeal but naive in the ways of mi6. gets bitch slapped by bond frequently

    dies heroically
  12. Bill, tie a scaffolding plank to you feet....if you have to ask why, join the RAFP.....
  13. Gets saved by the heroic blonde bird (not you Moody, this one's mine), and is given mouth to mouth before he dies. No 5, you were not as good as No 4, but hey, you never bought me chips.

    Runs off to James Bond (who in real life, is actually Bernoulli), into the sun.
  14. She lost that when the rest of the human race was crawling out of the sea and the continents were joined.

    I wish to take the role of the evil megalomaniac baddy. I have my own laaazor and short side kick.....mmwahahaha. ;)
  15. That leaves me as the egoistical, megalo-maniacal evil genius then, with hundreds of lithe half-naked women as playthings.

    I'll try and put a brave face on it.

    Edit...hmmm, looks like a duel with Flash is in order...