If Arrse did Bond....

#1
Right, loathe it or love it, the umpteenth Bond is about to be released.

Now, the question is, who would play whom?

Now, logically as Bond is 'feared by his enemies, adored by his nation and trained by the navy' (copyright some fcuking muppet 2 1/2 ringer who was chasing his 3rd in a horrendously embarassing 1997 recruitment campaign) it should be the Senior Service who plays Bond, i.e. Me, however whilst I can do the Sean Connery 'arched eyebrows' thingy, being a matelot, I shouldn't be trusted with bang sticks so therefore I am happy to be ruled out and am quite content to be 'drunken matelot in dodgy bar in Dubai sniffing after anything with a pulse and a shadow no 413' whilst directing it.

Who are your nominations?

Slug has already mentioned that she wants to be the streetwhore who gets banged like a sh1t house door in a force 9.
 
#5
I'm scottish and in the RAF Regt. So I'm naturally hard, good at driving, and attractive to wimmin.

Surely I can be the only choice for JB.
 
#7
Bill, if they need someone to open the barrier in the 'Airport Entry' scene, they know where to come. For the interesting bits, they will come to the more experienced services!
 
#8
Oi Butler, if I am going to get banged like a sh1t house door in a force 9, will you hoover my room? Do I have to call the RAF Regt in? Bonesey. pack your bags mate.
 
#11
id be another 00

possibly a young whippersnapper, dashing good looks and sex appeal but naive in the ways of mi6. gets bitch slapped by bond frequently

dies heroically
 
#13
easy-wan-kenobi said:
id be another 00

possibly a young whippersnapper, dashing good looks and sex appeal but naive in the ways of mi6. gets bitch slapped by bond frequently

dies heroically
Gets saved by the heroic blonde bird (not you Moody, this one's mine), and is given mouth to mouth before he dies. No 5, you were not as good as No 4, but hey, you never bought me chips.

Runs off to James Bond (who in real life, is actually Bernoulli), into the sun.
 
#14
Devil_Dog said:
Can I be the one who takes Dale's virginity?
She lost that when the rest of the human race was crawling out of the sea and the continents were joined.


I wish to take the role of the evil megalomaniac baddy. I have my own laaazor and short side kick.....mmwahahaha. ;)
 
#15
That leaves me as the egoistical, megalo-maniacal evil genius then, with hundreds of lithe half-naked women as playthings.

I'll try and put a brave face on it.

Edit...hmmm, looks like a duel with Flash is in order...
 
#16
The Lord Flasheart said:
Devil_Dog said:
Can I be the one who takes Dale's virginity?
She lost that when the rest of the human race was crawling out of the sea and the continents were joined.


I wish to take the role of the evil megalomaniac baddy. I have my own laaazor and short side kick.....mmwahahaha. ;)
How dare you talk about MDN like that.......
 
#17
Awol said:
That leaves me as the egoistical, megalo-maniacal evil genius then, with hundreds of lithe half-naked women as playthings.

I'll try and put a brave face on it.

Edit...hmmm, looks like a duel with Flash is in order...
You'll lose. I'll catapult my short side kick at you.........plus I wont tell Bond my cunning plan to take over the world and I'll not show him around my secret island. I'll just shoot him in the face the first time I meet him.
 
#18
Dale the snail said:
The Lord Flasheart said:
Devil_Dog said:
Can I be the one who takes Dale's virginity?
She lost that when the rest of the human race was crawling out of the sea and the continents were joined.


I wish to take the role of the evil megalomaniac baddy. I have my own laaazor and short side kick.....mmwahahaha. ;)
How dare you talk about MDN like that.......
I said short, not fat and balding.....
 
#19
The Lord Flasheart said:
Dale the snail said:
The Lord Flasheart said:
Devil_Dog said:
Can I be the one who takes Dale's virginity?
She lost that when the rest of the human race was crawling out of the sea and the continents were joined.


I wish to take the role of the evil megalomaniac baddy. I have my own laaazor and short side kick.....mmwahahaha. ;)
How dare you talk about MDN like that.......
I said short, not fat and balding.....
Who is he going to play then? The one with the pussy?
 
#20
The Lord Flasheart said:
Awol said:
That leaves me as the egoistical, megalo-maniacal evil genius then, with hundreds of lithe half-naked women as playthings.

I'll try and put a brave face on it.

Edit...hmmm, looks like a duel with Flash is in order...
You'll lose. I'll catapult my short side kick at you.........plus I wont tell Bond my cunning plan to take over the world and I'll not show him around my secret island. I'll just shoot him in the face the first time I meet him.
No, no. In my movie, Bond IS the mad egomaniac, the twists of all twisty, twisty things.

He spends 2 hours chasing himself across 5 continents, only to have sex with himself at the end inside an underwater spacelab, whilst watched by Miss Moneypenny who is in fact his own secret daughter, the result of a gay tryst between Roger Moore, Sean Connery and that white fluffy cat.

It's genius I tell you, pure genius.

*ends with evil cackle*
 

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