Idiot neighbour!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Whisper, Feb 19, 2009.

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  1. Now it's nice to see that my neighbour makes the effort to fly the flag for Blighty by, well flying the Union Jack. But the cockstand pi55es me off. Conversation with him was as follows.

    Me: Nice flag, there is something wrong with it though.
    Him: It's my f***ing flag I can fly it if I want, it aint racist
    Me: No, it's not racist, but most days you fly it upside down.
    Him: Eh?
    Me (rolling eyes): It's upside down, look at the thickness of the white stripes.
    Him: B0lloks no such thing as upside down.

    Is it just me being petty or should I pop out at night and swap his upside down Union Jack for a set of his wife's knickers?
  2. Careful, you might need a bigger pole.
  3. I go for swapping it for a pair of his wife knickers. Take a picture and let us see though ;)
  4. Biped

    Biped LE Book Reviewer

    Print out the instructions from the interweb, post it through his doors, or better still, print out this thread in which I call him a c0ck-swallowing retard who does our flag a serious disservice by associating himself with it, let alone flying it upside down, the cunt.
  5. Not petty at all.

    First of all though, being petty as I am, I'd get the terminology right and refer to it by its proper name, the Union Flag, unless your neighbour has a warship in his garden, in which case I apologise :)

    Then explain to him (although I am reliably informed that it is a myth) that flying the Union Flag upside down is a sign of distress or surrender used to secretly signal other ships in the days of wooden boats. If he's the patriotic type, he'll be horrified to think he is flying a flag of surrender and will correct it forthwith.

    Failing that melt some styrofoam cups in petrol, light the goo and throw it at him.
  6. Top tip.

    Learn to walk on your hands, and do so whenever you are within 100yds of home.
    Not only will your neighbours flag always appear the right way up, but you will prolong the life of your shoes.

    Hope this helps.
  7. Throw faeces at him until he corrects it. Increase the effect by jumping up and down in a slightly crouched fashion while making chimpanzee noises.

    Either he'll start to fly the flag correctly within a day or two or you'll be put somewhere horrid men with their nasty flags won't bother you ever again.
  8. Replace it with an Afghan one overnight. He'll literally die of rage.
  9. Whay have you got a pair of his wifes knickers?
    Have you been raiding the washing line?
  10. And of course keeping it half his face away and bite off the fingers of one hand... :oops: ...perhaps not ...the last chimp that did this was 'slotted' by Plod... :oops: :oops:
  11. Flying the Union Jack upside down used to be a covert sign of distress... Something no foreigner would notice. Of course it depends on the person flying the flag actually knowing the difference and not being an utter knob end!

    Good for you for spotting it though!
  12. The Rifles recruiting team had their Union Flag upside down on their stand in South Shields the other day... :roll:
  13. In that case you'll probably find they're all being held captive by Talliban rebels over the tea and biscuits 8O
  14. Probably a legitimate covert distress signal having been stuck in South Shields
  15. Beat me to it. I was curious too.

    Is there something you would lilke to tell us Whisper?
    Night-time washing line and binocular Commando are we?