Ideas for Xmas Morning

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by ewan2000, Dec 24, 2008.

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  1. Has anyone got any good ideas to prove to the kids that the chunky red bloke has visited said Army Quarter and deposited his wares under my tree tomorrow morning :D

    Looking for cool unusual ideas not beer and cookies :)
  2. take the kids out with some oats covered in glitter to tempt the magic reindeer down, when 1 of you takes them out the other places the presents under the tree

  3. ..give them port then tell them with pokey fingers he

    or get your boots, rub them in the mud then put a few dirty great prints from behind the TV (you have no chimney so he magic'd down the co-ax from the roof) to the tree...they love it and it's only a bit of mud after all....

    we leave crushed digestive and some silver balls cake toppers in a bowl with the downs kids we support and they buy it, the hedgehogs always eat it cuz it's sweet, espec if you melt a slight bit of butter into the digestive first to carry the smell...
  4. Tell them he's not real, and that it's all made up. They'll thank you for it in the long run.
  5. kids at school will do that for you so no need.
  6. Get a sieve, some flour and an old pair of shoes. Place shoes on floor and sieve the flour over the shoes, repeat for as far as you want. Instant santa footprints which can then just be hoovered up.
  7. Someone not very far from me had the bright idea of dressing up as Santa in a cheap plastic suit and strolling round the house at 2.00 AM on Christmas Morn. Unfortunately the children were terribly traumatised and he spent the rest of the day banished to his Mum's.

    Probably should have stuck to his usual half eaten mince pies and pretend reindeer dung.
  8. Many, many, many years ago, when I was young, my Dad used to leave cookies for Santa and carrots for the reindeer. In the morning the cookies were gone and the carrots were half eaten with bits of knawed carrot on the floor and Dad and Mum would comment on how messy reindeer are. I have no idea if reindeer actually will eat carrots but if I don't know your kids probably don't either.

    I am not a police offiicer but because of my job I have a police radio assigned to me. The police in my town always seem to spot Santa just about midnight and if the radio is on, one will hear "Car 13 to all units. Someone just pinned my radar at 200! Strange vehicle, operator is a heavyset white male, white hair full beard, red jacket, red pants, heading up Broadway towards the Square....etc" other units then pick up the chase. The officers can be very imaginative in calling in the chase. They never deploy SWAT to shoot him down.

    Sadly, when my son was little the non-Christian kids at his school seemed to be trained to tell the others that there is no Santa.
  9. leave a pile of raisins, tell them Rudolph had a poo!
  10. Get your deepest bass voiced mate to phone the little angels round about now and tell them if they're not in the land of Zzzzzzzzzzzzz by 8 o'clock.they're getting fcuk all.Usually works till 2 A.M,Ho,ho,ho. :D :wink:
  11. Surely thats the Easter bunny. :D
  12. Rudolph leaves horse carp on the flat roof.
  13. Get a fat rlc bloke to dress up
  14. Kill a deer. Take it home. Prop it up against the wall in your front room. Bit of powder, tinsel, etc. Hey Presto a fcuking reindeer. Bonus is you get the wife to cook it for Boxing Day.
  15. I surprised my trout last year.

    She came down on Christmas morning to find me being buttfcuked by a gang of Bulgarian travellers.

    We are no longer together.