I'd most like to banjo TRBD with...

#1
This morning the item that I would most like to beat therealbigdizzle with is a Recuperator from a 30mm Rarden. This does change from time to time and after reading one of his posts I can often lose myself for a moment as I imagine repeatedly beating his limp groaning form with a heavy blunt object. Previous favourites have included a variety of different hammers but I also quite like the idea of dropping a floor buffer onto him from a height.

Now my question is this; which object would you most like to beat therealbigdizzle with and how?

Answers on a postcard please.
 
#2
This morning the item that I would most like to beat therealbigdizzle with is a Recuperator from a 30mm Rarden. This does change from time to time and after reading one of his posts I can often lose myself for a moment as I imagine repeatedly beating his limp groaning form with a heavy blunt object. Previous favourites have included a variety of different hammers but I also quite like the idea of dropping a floor buffer onto him from a height.

Now my question is this; which object would you most like to beat therealbigdizzle with and how?

Answers on a postcard please.
Do you not like him?
 
#3
a ceramic flagoon of acid. imagine the double whammy of the first blow, followed by the shattering and shards of ceramic, then the final shock as the acid bites.
 
#5
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#6
Spotter! Hey spaz, does it have to be an object, can it be a gas/liquid/dwarf etcetera?
 

jarrod248

LE
Gallery Guru
#7
I have a heavy blunt object I could use and it'd make him groan and moan. If I use it he would learn and shout loudly 'you're the daddy'
 
#8
Why would you consider, analyse, reject and publicly disclose the strategic use of a floor buffer as an air-dropped weapon? Its obviously unweildy, not designed for use as a weapon - i mean the clues in the mother-loving name. What are you? Who are you? I suspect with this low level of cunning use of air-dropped weapons that you are in fact Air Chief Marshall of the Royal Airforce of the tiny, remote community of Bishops Rock. Yes? come on. Answers man.
Gravity can be a useful tool. I've mulled this over during my morning shite and I'd like to stake him out next to a portacabin, then have him recite his posts about ironing discarded poppies whilst, I drop full sealed tins of Dulux onto him from the roof.

Vastatio, I'm open to all suggestions, just so long as it's painful.
 
#9
Why would you consider, analyse, reject and publicly disclose the strategic use of a floor buffer as an air-dropped weapon? Its obviously unweildy, not designed for use as a weapon - i mean the clues in the mother-loving name. What are you? Who are you? I suspect with this low level of cunning use of air-dropped weapons that you are in fact Air Chief Marshall of the Royal Airforce of the tiny, remote community of Bishops Rock. Yes? come on. Answers man.
It depends on what you classify as a floor buffer. The original British Army Mk1 Bumper was an ideal air drop weapon and has been, more than once, deployed against block invaders. A heavy weight at one end coupled with long handle for in flight stability this weapon could be either dropped or hurled for maximum effect.

Bumper.jpg

Manly British Army Bumper

However, if you're talking about the girlie (and RAF) electric floor polisher then you are quite correct, it is unwieldy and has no aerodynamic properties meaning that over a drop greater than a couple of feet accuracy is impossible, even with target painting. (thanks Spaz)

4Wayne_floor_buffer.jpg

Girly (and RAF) Electric Buffer (demonstrated by US Army)
 
#10
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#11
I'd like to spend an afternoon walloping him with a big steel ladle...... then nail his hands to a tree and set about him with a strip of cheap laminate flooring, edge on.
 
#12
I would also kick him repeatedly until the soles of my boots came off, then get myself down the QMs for another pair and repeat the process.
You wouldn't need to take a trip to the QMs I would gladly lend you my waxed and immaculately bulled size 11 Drill Boots for this task. I'm sure they'd be good for many hours of kicking, stamping and shuffling. They time it would take me to restore them to their previous condition would be one of satisfied contemplation, as I gently removed any remaining clumps of hair from the studs.
 
#13
Continual right, left and about turning at the halt on his face in said boots would be joyous both to watch and to take part in.

Almost stiff at the prospect of a beautifully demonstrated changed step during a mark time on his cheek bones.
 
#14
Continual right, left and about turning at the halt on his face in said boots would be joyous both to watch and to take part in.

Almost stiff at the prospect of a beautifully demonstrated changed step during a mark time on his cheek bones.
Better still a WRAC with no knickers on marking time on his face, the constant dandruff shower will drive him mad!
 
#15
Following his assistance in the impromptu drill session, I'd like to see his twitching frame dragged into the Gymnasium and laid out in front of a box. I'd then watch rapturously as a platoon of spotty recruits in huge v-necked baggy red t-shirts lined up to use him as a springboard for a full 30 minutes of gymnastics.
 
#16
Thinking further about this task and the use of air dropped weapons, I have a variety of large pub ashtrays - both ceramic and cut glass, of various weights, size and density in an old MFO box in the attic.

I would gladly sacrifice my kleptomaniac collection of Boozed-Up-Gizzits and rain down a sustained rate of fire upon him from an open third floor window.

Apart from my comedy oversized Kronenbourg 1664 ashtray; that item has significant personal memories for me, from when I used it to store a six months Bosnia tour of toenail clippings and belly button fluff. I wouldn't waste that on therealbigdickhead.
Take one brown, tin , NAAFI ashtray and turn it upside down. Fill the inverted ashtray with quick setting cement. Once dry, aim and throw like an armoured frisbee.
 
#17
I wasnt going to post until Spaz kindly reminded me of ironing poppies.

I favour a slower method of despatch. Tie him to a chair and tap away at his skull with a teaspoon until he either goes insane (insaner?) Or until you can dip toastie soldiers into his smashed cranium.
 
#18
After watching a lot of TV programmes and DVD's about WW1 and seeing some of the quite nasty tools used in trench raids how about a nice old fashioned trench club and start battering from the toes up
 
#19
I'd like to re-create a medievial method of dispatching twat's tie rope aroung his legs/arms then instead of using horses to pull him apart. I'd use landrovers with L plated learners from Leccy as they'd stall etc so the cunt would never know if the tug on his limb would see it coming off or a biff stalling the rover again.
 
#20
his posts about ironing discarded poppies
In the quiet words of the Virgin Mary... come again? WTF? He picks up poppies off the street and Irons them? Does he get his food from the bins out the back of Greggs?


Yes I have just watched Snatch again.
 

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