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IckleMissNawtis Guide to Dating

#1
The trick to successful dating is learning how to interpret the hidden signs, those giveaway gestures that can tell you so much about a person. Train yourself to recognize - and decode - these KEY "SIGNS." Figuring out these moronic little indicators can save you a lot of time and effort.


1. Woman won't unlock car door for man - Doesn't engage in oral sex

2. Man gets in car without opening door for woman - No foreplay

3. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant - Prefers virgins

4. Insists on going to a brand new restaurant but gets lost on the way - Is a virgin

5. Can't hail a cab - Impotent

6. Insists on going to a homely little cafe with windmill motif - Compulsive Don Quixote

7. Insists on going to a romantic candle-lit restaurant - Compulsive Don Juan

8. Insists on going to a Polynesian bar - Compulsive Don Ho

9. Wants to go to a French restaurant - Will swallow

10. Wants to go to a deli - Won't swallow

11. Takes too long deciding what to order - Has trouble reaching orgasm

12. Orders salad dressing on the side - Will give you a hand job, but will not go "all the way"

13. Gives explicit orders to waiter - Will expect incredibly skillful gymnastics in bed

14. Asks for extra rolls - Will say she is using birth control when she's not, will get pregnant and sue

15. Insists on ordering for you, referring to you as "The lady will have..." - Thinks you had an orgasm when you didn't

16. Asks for "The Usual" - Insists on missionary position only

17. Asks what the specials are - Will want you to use handcuffs

18. Fills up on bread and crackers - Premature ejaculation

19. Doesn't finish everything on plate - Has already come

20. Insists on having some of whatever you ordered - Will make you sleep on the wet spot

21. Changes mind after ordering - Will never call you

22. Changes tables - Nymphomaniac

23. Drinks Decaffeinated. - Fakes Orgasm (Female)

24. Orders in French - Fakes Orgasm (Male)

25. Sends food back - Will sleep with you, brag to all his friends, then try to borrow money

26. Asks for detailed descriptions of desserts - Needs you to talk dirty during sex

27. Orders a dessert involving ladyfingers - Wants a handjob

28. Orders a dessert involving nuts - Castrating Bitch

29. Wants to split dessert - Is dying to get rid of her apartment, move in with you, rearrange all your closets, and take down all your baseball posters

30. Credit card is refused - Low sperm count

31. Under tips waiter - Small penis

32. Under tips parking valet - Small penis

33. Under tips cabby - Small penis

34. Uses toothpick - Is trying to tell you size isn't everything

35. Removable cassette player in car - Pulls out repeatedly during sex

36. Cellular phone in car - Penile implant

Hope that this helps you!!

xxx

ps maybe I should have just posted this straight in the sin bin and save the MODS from getting RSI? :wink:
 
#2
So if you're so good at dating how come you're single?

If you're really keen you could try wandering around the Cathedral end of Canning street - you're bound to pull. ;)
 
#3
Turns up on a website with a fat arse and shite net curtains.....Is a cock hunting fat slag
 
#5
EX_STAB said:
So if you're so good at dating how come you're single?

If you're really keen you could try wandering around the Cathedral end of Canning street - you're bound to pull. ;)
Do you really want to get me started on that really long boring story? Shortened version - single by choice...

Its far too cold to be going out tomming, and besides which my twin sisters got my best skirt and boots tonight... Thanks for the advice tho :wink:

xxx
 
#6
Praetorian said:
Turns up on a website with a fat arse and shite net curtains.....Is a cock hunting fat slag
Awwwww heres my bessie never fails to show me the love do you :blowkis:

xxx
 
#8
Shortened version

'My oversized body puts men off, also my tendancies toward self mutilation are more than enough to satisfy my sexual desires'
 
#9
suits_U said:
Shortened version

'My oversized body puts men off, also my tendancies toward self mutilation are more than enough to satisfy my sexual desires'
aww suits maybe you should ask one of ya fellow "squaddies" to help you out there I'm sure they'd be more than willing to oblige xxx
 
#10
IckleMissNawti said:
Praetorian said:
Turns up on a website with a fat arse and shite net curtains.....Is a cock hunting fat slag
Awwwww heres my bessie never fails to show me the love do you :blowkis:

xxx
You are a cunt. I want to slowly run a blue flame over your cunt with a blowtorch, and then scrape the melted mess onto a peice of bread and feed it to you, before battering your head off of the pavement until theres brain showing.

After letting my cat claw your anus to peices.
 
#11
Praetorian said:
IckleMissNawti said:
Praetorian said:
Turns up on a website with a fat arse and shite net curtains.....Is a cock hunting fat slag
Awwwww heres my bessie never fails to show me the love do you :blowkis:

xxx
You are a cunt. I want to slowly run a blue flame over your cunt with a blowtorch, and then scrape the melted mess onto a peice of bread and feed it to you, before battering your head off of the pavement until theres brain showing.

After letting my cat claw your anus to peices.
Sounds kinky, unfortunately theres a huge flaw in that plan... I don't eat carbs xxx
 
#12
Fuck off!!!!

From the size of your fat face on the display pic, it looks like you eat Cars!!!!
 
#14
Praetorian said:
Fuck off!!!!

From the size of your fat face on the display pic, it looks like you eat Cars!!!!
Oooooooooooh sticks and stones blah blah

Soooo Mr Internet Warrior, wheres your pic? I'd like to know "what" I was getting insulted by...

oh waits its k i found you on the Oxfam Fashion site xxx


 
#15
suits_U said:
Your just a fcuking mong arent you.
No need to think up whistful witty remarks here folks, shell fcuk off eventually.
Hopefully
Wishful thinking darling xxx


The more you abuse the longer i'll stay xxx
 
#18
You should be used to mind numbing viewing, what with Jeremy Kyle, Trisha and all the other daytime TV to keep you company whilst you waste your life away getting benefits.
Oh let me guess, you will retort saying you have a well paid jor or are a student.
Weve seen your type may times, each time it becomes more boring.
So let explain some points.
Nobody would touch you with a barge pole.
Nobody on here wants to have your children call them daddy
You being open about your sexuality does nothing to entice people into speaking with you.
your posts are dull and annoying
You are probably a wah of some sort

Alles Klar









Good, now fcuk off and brutalise your clout with a rusty heroine coated needle whist you stick a broken bottle up your starfish.
 
#20
suits_U said:
You should be used to mind numbing viewing, what with Jeremy Kyle, Trisha and all the other daytime TV to keep you company whilst you waste your life away getting benefits.
Oh let me guess, you will retort saying you have a well paid jor or are a student.
Weve seen your type may times, each time it becomes more boring.
So let explain some points.
Nobody would touch you with a barge pole.
Nobody on here wants to have your children call them daddy
You being open about your sexuality does nothing to entice people into speaking with you.
your posts are dull and annoying
You are probably a wah of some sort

Alles Klar









Good, now fcuk off and brutalise your clout with a rusty heroine coated needle whist you stick a broken bottle up your starfish.
DOH well of course I'm going to reply to the job comment as... I actually do have a job although its rather mindlessly boring and erm about as well paid as you are...

I'm not here looking to get touched with a barge pole or anything else for that matter... My "CHILD" has a dad, so what would they want a second one for ?

Erm as for being open about my sexuality, I admit I'm a flirt, and I have a dirty mind, if I can respond with a sexual conitation then I will, But, it doesn't mean I want to rip your clothes off and have sex with you...

If you find my posts dull and annoying DONT read them, theres a whole forum of other posts for you to read without you having to read or respond to mine

If I knew what a WAH was I would respond :?

As for your sexual fantasy, go ask your mum to help you with that one I'm sure she'll oblige xxx
 

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