IBA Defense & Supporters Christmas Pantomime - an audition

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, Nov 15, 2011.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    As those of you who receive the ARRSE Insiders Newsletter will be aware, our close personal friends and associates the IBA Defense & Supporters Christmas Pantomime have been dropped right in it. Johnny Depp has other plans. Ricky Gervais has offered to step up, but who can remember the last time he was funny?

    So it is down to us. The humble ARRSE, to offer an assist.

    IBA Defense & Supporters Christmas Pantomime | Facebook

    We are doing Cinderella so we require people to audition for the parts of:

    Gladys, the Fairy Godmother

    Gloria, her sister - a bad, but incompetent Fairy (Jarrod has indicated he is taking Mummy out for tea that day)

    Puck, a Mong Pixie

    Elves, Imps, Fairies, etc. (junior chorus)

    The Baron Hardup the Short (the one role we feel confident of casting)

    Cinderella, his daughter by his first wife (principal girl)

    Petunia & Nasturtium (Petty & Nasty), Ugly Sisters, imported daughters of his second wife

    Griselda, their mother and the Baron's second wife

    Buttons, the Baron's handyman

    The Squire Welwyn

    Baldock, the Squire's bailiff

    The Prince Charming, heir to the throne of Concordia (principal boy) The Lovely Iron Duke has claimed this role for his own.

    Dandini, Aide to the Prince

    Coachman with an alien space monster in his gut (Panzerknacker we thought?)

    Villagers, etc. (senior chorus)
  2. My newest signing, 3stripedwoodentop is a very versatile actor - normally associated with brutal killing and / or dismemberment by hand type roles - he would relish the chance to broaden his repertoire and take the part of Puck the Mong Pixie. He can supply some of his own props if required - balloons, ice cream etc

    I'll waive the normal agent's fee on this occasion.
  3. can i be cinderella?
  4. Il be the fire lighter....
  5. Just get in the van.
    • Like Like x 1
  6. I can shave my nutsack and play both the ugly sisters.
  7. I'll put my hand up to be Baldock then. I'm a cunt so I might as well stick with what I know.
  8. Firemen to the irons please, firemen to the irons.
  9. Traditionally, the part is played by a doris. Sure you wouldn't feel more comfortable as an Ugly Sister?
  10. Lady James would get it.
  11. May I prompt? I'm very good at it.

    I may be a little late.
  12. Any space for a big bad wolf? Or am i in the wrong pantomime?

    What about Big Bird to play the pumpkin?
  13. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer