I would rather...........

Been having a conversation with a friend of a friend and I mentioned that I've got tickets for the RBS 6 nations, to which she quickly replied with that rugby isn't really her thing. As if that wasn't bad enough it turns out that she's got herself tickets to go and see that Dancing on Ice shit. Now, wanting to let her know beyond reasonable doubt that I now think she is a spacker of epic proportions, I want to tell her that "I would rather.......... than go and see that dross" but then got stuck on the bit in the middle.

The obvious and weak choice would be:

"I would rather...... stick hot needles in my eyes....... than go and see that dross" but want a more slap in your face reply.

I know that the cultured arrsers will help me out here. In your own time... carry on!
Hilti gun my scrotum to a railway sleeper on the west coast line
I would rather cut my knob off with a butter knife.
I would rather clean an old tramps ringpiece with my tongue than....

I would rather bend down and knee myself in the face 10 times than...

I would rather let a man with the record for having the biggest hands in the world fist my arrse than....

I would rather feck a bog roll tube lined with sandpaper than...
I would rather eat the peanuts from my own arrsehole
not say.
I would rather have Bubba arrse rape me whilst giving me tender kisses on the back of my neck as he rammed his bollard sized knob up my tender arrse whilst blood and sh*t spurtted out of me...

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