I Will Survive

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by babylove, Oct 11, 2005.

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  1. > >At first I was afraid, I was petrified,
    > >when you said you had 10 inches Lord I almost died,
    > >but I'd spent oh so many years just waiting for a man that long, that
    > >I grew strong, and I knew that I could take you on.
    > >
    > >But there you are, another lie,
    > >I was ready for a big Mac and you've bought me a french fry, I should
    > >have known that it was bullsh*t, just a sad pathetic dream, should
    > >have known there was no anaconda lurking in those jeans.
    > >
    > >Go on now go, walk out the door,
    > >don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4, weren't you a
    > >prat to think I wouldn't catch you out, don't you know we're only
    > >joking when we say size doesn't count.
    > >
    > >Chorus
    > >I will survive, I will survive,
    > >Cos as long as I have batteries, My sex life's gonna thrive, I will
    > >always have good sex with a handful of latex, I will survive,
    > >I will survive...
    > >hey hey.
    > >
    > >It took all my self control not to laugh out loud,
    > >When I saw your little weiner standing short and proud,
    > >But to hell with all your egos and to hell with all your needs, Now
    > >I'm saving all my lovin' for a cordless multispeed.
    > >
    > >Go on now go, walk out the door,
    > >don't you promise me 10 inches then turn up with only 4, weren't you a
    > >prat to think I wouldn't catch you out, don't you know we're only
    > >joking when we say size doesn't count.
     
  2. Very good. Should change your name to Rampant Rabbit Love.
     
  3. At first I tried so hard,
    I was good to you.
    I understood your selfish ways
    And I excused you too.
    But now I've spent so many months
    And wasted oh such precious time
    That when you say these things
    I've got to answer back in rhyme

    Thinking of the things
    You used to do to me...
    You're so wooden in the sack
    I may as well have shagged a tree.
    If it comes to that, I'm sure,
    A tree would fit quite well inside.
    When I said you were the best I'd had
    I'm sorry but I lied

    You're quite a freak,
    I'll never know
    Just how your insides stay inside
    With nothing holding them below
    How do you keep your organs in?
    Your pelvic muscles are so slack
    I'd have got more satisfaction
    From an old potato sack

    You're just a Ho',
    A stinking whore,
    How dare you say I'm small?
    The Blackpool Tower won't leave you sore!
    You could fit the whole of Preston
    In that bucket of a cnut
    And you've got the nerve to tell me
    That I'm a little runt?
     
  4.  
  5. Little boy toucher wrote
     
  6. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    You won't if you start that in my presence! :twisted: :wink: :cry: 8O
     
  7. ....and yet another vrsion....

    THE MALE VERSION
    At first I was afraid I was petrified
    By the ugly slapper that was lying by my side
    I would've drunk a little less,
    I would've tried to keep my head.
    If I'd known for just one second you'd assault me in your bed.
    I tried to go, walk out the door
    But you've been sitting on my legs and I can't feel them anymore
    And now you're sitting on my face, my nose has vanished - not a trace,
    I only hope that your big knickers are not made of liquorice lace
    I want to go, I've got to leave
    Before your fat and naked body makes me want to heave
    I Only hope that no one saw me walking home with such a s*ut
    Oh God the things that you can get up to when you're half cut.
    I can't believe, I'm lying here.
    It's all 'cos of that f***ing evil drink that we call beer
    You can all sod your beer goggles, sh*t I must have been blind
    To mistake that Hoover dam for a s*xy young behind.
    Please let me go, I'm getting scared
    There's nothing I can do to stop those ugly breasts from being bared.
    I think that I must have been mad, God what made me want to court her?
    With t*ts that look like Tesco bags I've just filled up with water
    It's time to go, run out the door
    She's started hinting that she wants s*x on her dirty lino floor
    I don't think there's anything worse
    Than the al-co-hol-ics curse.
    I WILL SURVIVE!
    I WILL SURVIVE!

    To which the girls reply.........

    THE FEMALE VERSION

    At first I was afraid, I was petrified.
    By the ugly w*nker that was lying by my side.
    I would've drunk a little less, I would've tried to keep my head,
    If I'd know for just one second I'd be in your crusty bed...
    I tried to go, walk out the door.
    But I laughed so hard at your small kn*b that I fell upon the floor.
    Your b*tts a pimply mess, it's just a broken-out disgrace,
    But I'd rather look at that, than at your f***ing ugly face...!
    I want to go, I've got to leave.
    Your talk of chicks and football really makes me want to heave.
    I only know I've got to stop my drinking spirits and the beer
    Coz when I looked at you last night, hell, you looked just like Richard
    Gere!
    I can't believe, that we both sh*gged.
    You should be wearing concrete shoes or should be simply bound and gagged.
    I'm f***ing off right now, I'm jumping on the f***ing train
    And I'm not stopping till I'm home and washed your greebies Down the drain.
    Please let me go, I feel quite sick, We had the worst s*x in the world and
    you're a bloody ugly pr*ck
    I should have sh*gged your gorgeous mate, at least he's got a lovely flat
    But no I go and trust the booze and now I'm stuck with you, you tw*t.
    It's time to go, run out the door.
    You look so ugly it should really be against the law.
    I'm going to give up all the booze, I'm gonna have no stupid fun
    Coz waking up beside you makes me want to be a nun!
    I WILL SURVIVE!
    I WILL SURVIVE!
     
  8. Absolutely brilliant Eye of Newt!! Really made me laugh and I was actually singing it! 10/10 - bloody marvellous! You definitely have the X factor!
     
  9. First I was afraid, then bloody petrified
    When he pulled down his pants and showed his snakes eye
    I dropped to my knees but then I smelt the mouldy cheese
    I went all dry and then I held my head up high
    Had to throw, walked out the door,
    He turned around ‘n’ growled and begged to try it once more
    He was the one who turned me off sex for life, it made me cry
    But to try it one more time I would rather die!
     
  10. Yegh, right. "First I was afraid, I was petrified.
    Kept thinking I'd .....
    So what's the big deal? What's new?
    Am I missing something here?

    MsG