Let me tell you something that happened to an ex Fusilier I know, who weâll call Tony since thatâs actually his name. Tony gets completely fcuked up on alcohol one night but happily has taken the precaution of bringing his car to the pub so he wonât have to stagger home pissed "like some scabby peasant".. Tony realises from the length of time it takes him to get the key in the car door that heâs totally hammered so he decides to offset this by wearing a seatbelt. No problem there then. Off he goes. At speed. As he drives along the main road he hears a loud bang from the front of the car and sparks start coming out of the engine. Tony has punched enough REME fitters to know that this is some sort of adverse mechanical effect that warrants investigation. Unfortunately when he tries to slow down and pull over he finds that not only are the brakes not working but the steering is also slow to respond. The car grinds to a halt by itself and on getting out Tony is quickly able to diagnose the fault. The vehicle is upside down. The loud bang was him mounting the kerb and flattening a bus stop (which luckily it being 0100, no one was standing at), the camber of the road then flipped the car onto its roof and the âsparks coming from the engineâ were in fact the bonnet grinding along the tarmac. Pressing the brake had indeed stopped the wheels from turning but given that they were all in the air, this sadly had little effect. Whilst Tony is surveying this scene and wondering when the ringing in his ears will stop, he realises that he is actually hearing police sirens. Tony now begins to sober up and realises that aside from the legal implications, the Mrs will literally kill him. Tony takes the executive decision to run away and hide until he sobers up (this takes two days) and is able to report the loss of his car keys. A salutary lesson to us all. Stand well back from the bl00dy bus stop, especially after midnight. In fact just drive, it's safer. But not whilst drunk obviously because that would be illegal. And don't do drugs.