'I was only trying to frighten her'..

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Hector_Chavez_V, Dec 20, 2011.

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  1. Guilty verdict for man who buried girlfriend alive - Yahoo! News

    To be fair he did say he was only trying to frighten her :)

    Frightening and winding up your other half remains one of the last fun things to do in a long term relationship in my humble opinion..

    From the mundane, like loitering in the darker areas of the house then just poking my head out at her barking like a dog when she appears, she shits herself every time and hits me quite hard with whatever is in her hands leaving me sniggering for the rest of the day.

    To the planned, I've got my very own hobo pal called Nick, a honking drug addict I befriended after missing the last train home a few years ago, I once turned the shower on when I heard her car pull in, in she walked and it took her a few minutes to click the shower was in use, 'who's in the shower?', 'shhhh, he'll hear you' says I, 'its Nick, he's going to be staying with us for a while till he sorts himself out!' she went into a fucking apoplectic rage and delivered a machine gun bollocking, I even went to the wet room and threw the doors open and loudly proclaimed 'sorry mate, you'll have to go!!', fucking brill :)

    My mate pulled a (well known) blinder. He recorded an episode of the National Lottery, had a ticket done with the 'winning' numbers then reckoned on that they had won the following week, she was ringing people, screaming and jumping up and down, he was thrown out and it took him 2 weeks to be let back in the house :)

    Anyone else fond of winding up the Doris? Any suggestions for a Xmas wind up?
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  2. the_boy_syrup

    the_boy_syrup LE Book Reviewer

    Takes a bit of planning and you need a bird who drinks loads of tea.

    Find her usual T.V watching habits
    Try and work out when the adverts will be during her programme I.E. Corry Street adverts 19:15 she'll go for a brew or a piss.
    You then scour the Sky guide find something stating about 19:15 and set the reminder use the automatic bit.

    She gets up goes for a piss or brew during the adverts.
    Come back the T.V.'s turned itself over.
    Repeat, come home to a quivering wreck.
  3. Dig a deeper hole and use black and harry not parcel tape. Amateur!
  4. To be fair, I think he fails on the only a joke front due to his use of a stun gun which is not even legal to own, let alone use on someone, even for self defence.

    But he cant have been serious if he only buried it 4 cm deep. Or is he just a lazy cnut? Also poor drills if he was serious in that he buried her with her jewelry - thats worth money!
  5. He could have posted her to cashforgold complete and asked them to get rid of the fleshy bit stuck to it (Don't forget to yoink the fillings too!)
  6. Sex game gone wrong? Poor drills all by the pair of them. He should have told her the safety word x2, and she should have written it down on the back of her hand if she has a tendency to forget things
  7. It wasn't 'eralcd' by any chance was it?

    It was probably MPKaiser who buried her. He seems wierd.
  8. I was seeing this bird from Reading for a while. I took her back to the block, tied her to the bed and fucked the shit out of her. After I'd finished I got up and casually walked to the door (isn't it annoying how the mixture of clunge juice and jizz always manages to get flicked over your thighs as you walk?). Anyhow, I unlocked the door and stepped into the corridor then shouted "I'm done lads, anyone else want a go?" There was no pre-planning invovled and a curious door or two opened with replies of "eh? Who's in there?" etc.

    She was going mental in the room. I calmly walked back in with a cheesy grin on my grid. To be fair to her, she'd managed to stretch her legs and pick up the duvet off the floor with her feet and had done a decent job of covering herself up. Selfish bitch. It took a while before she let me tie her up again.

    Actually, a couple of you would have met her at the Charity cricket in London. Spaz dropped her off home with me.
  9. My wife and I were talking one night after our first kids, twin boys, were born. And she was going on about how amazing it was that we'd had twins, seeing as there were no multiple births in either of our families before (not that it makes a difference with identical twins anyway).

    I then mentioned that wasn't strictly true, and that a women I'd shagged not long before we met had twins and that they were mine. And that I also had a kid from another woman from about 15 years ago.
    The look on her face was priceless! She went fucking mental for about an hour. Going on about having kids turning up on our door in years to come to see "daddy".

    She calmed down when I admitted that I was only joking and winding her up.

    However, I did shag a bird just before I met my wife, AND she did go and have twin boys 9 months later. She was married at the time, so I'm hoping they're his.
    AND, I did go out with a bird for about a month, 15 years ago who told me she was pregnant on the day I dumped her. She claimed I wasn't the father, & that it was her ex's who she dumped the day before going out with me.

    People who have seen these 3 children, that also know me, claim the kids look like me. So who knows? Maybe there are 5 little Miners running around, and not just the 2 that I'm currently paying for.
  10. This sounds very much like what I believe is known in some circles as "a result".
  11. I suspect that he acheived his aim. There is a threatening side to this, if these filthy east european spongers continue to dig up our woodlands whilst burying their undead vampire wives, well who knows what they might dig up? My first wife for example! Blood boils just thinking about it.....
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  12. Obviously didn't serve in the Green Jackets did he now?
  13. Ravers

    Ravers LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Winding up the wife is top sport for sure.

    I once told mine I'd been wrongfully arrested, this bought me enough time to go out on the piss with my mates and emerge 24 hours later with no repercussions.

    My favourite game by far, is fucking with her OCD. She has to have everything in order and can't live with things that are not in their place. It drives her mental. I don't keep change in my wallet, it just lives in my pocket, when I get home I just tend to leave it on the side, this really fucks her off.

    Recently I've taken to leaving little treasure hunts for her, I leave small piles of coins all over the place, on door frames, in cupboards, in the fridge etc. It makes her cry.

    My crowning moment perhaps was a few years ago. We'd paid some Polski builder types to redecorate the flat. The day before they turned up to do the job, I decided to have some fun.

    I got the spray paint out and decided to try my hand at Graffiti. Now I'm no Banksy but I reckon I did an alright job. I did a six foot high 'piece' spelling out my name.

    When the missus came home from work I was in the garden and I heard a massive scream from inside. She wasn't impressed with my artwork and spent the rest of the night painting over it even though a gang of Polaks were coming to do it the next day.
  14. HOURS of fun! Turn alternate books upside down, put the bog roll on backwards, rearrange the cutlery drawer! A fun one is changing the lightbulbs for those different coloured 'tone' bulbs! She'll know SOMETHINGS wrong but she won't be quite able to put her finger on it!
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  15. I once told my husband I was pregnant.
    (This was of course a joke - quit smoking and drinking for nine months, with your final reward consisting of the chance to stretch a valued orifice beyond repair and handle raw human waste on a daily basis? D'you know what, I don't quite fancy it.)

    Anyway, it was a wonderful jape, right up until the moment he threw me down the stairs.
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