I want you to keep me in Tabs, Scratchcards and Beer

Will you Give?

  • FOXTROT OSCAR you lazy cnut

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Why of course you poor deprived individual.

    Votes: 0 0.0%
  • Its not going to suck itself is it?

    Votes: 0 0.0%

  • Total voters
    0
#1
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
 
#3
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
Im in a different boat. Im 23 and I feel Ive 'done my bit' I want to retire and live off the system that Ive paid into for the last 7 years. I like daytime tv, hate getting up in the morning and quite fond of unattractive, tracksuit clad, croydon facelift sporting girls.
 
#4
Surely there's an RSI you can claim for too?

I would happily donate to your worthy cause however, as my personal records have been lost by the revenue, I'm afraid that all my cash has recently been transferred to Poland and Nigeria.
 
#5
Heed - just change your name to Squeeth. That idle, workshy, high principled, can't get my hands dirty sheeite seems to manage just perfectly.

Apparently all you have to do is stick out one non-job application a week.
 
#6
Taz_Man said:
Heed - just change your name to Squeeth. That idle, workshy, high principled, can't get my hands dirty sheeite seems to manage just perfectly.

Apparently all you have to do is stick out one non-job application a week.
That was my point.

I demand to be OUTRAGED that I am not being kept by you working drones! WORK HARDER!! I want MORE DOLE MONEY!
 
#7
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
 
#8
<sniff-sniff> Do I smell a bandwagon? Ooh, me too! Me too!
:D
 
#9
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
 
#10
a_nony_mouse said:
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
"Have you done any work, paid or unpaid in the last two weeks?"
:twisted:
 
#11
Tax_Tw-t said:
a_nony_mouse said:
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
"Have you done any work, paid or unpaid in the last two weeks?"
:twisted:
I guess now isn't the time to mention cash in hand :wink:
 
#12
a_nony_mouse said:
Tax_Tw-t said:
a_nony_mouse said:
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
"Have you done any work, paid or unpaid in the last two weeks?"
:twisted:
I guess now isn't the time to mention cash in hand :wink:
Oooh, do tell...


Actually, no don't, I have to act on it, no matter where I hear it from. :roll:

I will therefore assume any replies to this are fictitious, humorous hypothetical examples.

There, that's me covered from having to do any work!
 
#13
a_nony_mouse said:
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
Only with a slap to the face and fcuking legs!
 

B_AND_T

MIA
Book Reviewer
#14
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
Good Sir, I represent the Government of Scammersham. Please send you bank details and I will transfer $20000,00000,0000 which belonged to a bloke in an air crash.

God be with you.
 
#15
I just couldn't manage of 59 quid a week. Where would I get my fine cognac and cigars from if I had to live like a pikey? Imagine the embarrassment of having to wear artificial fibred clothing and plastic shoes. God it would almost make you an instant chav. Fcuk that. I'm off to count my wages and remind myself I get to sit around most of the time and earn two grand a week.

Besides with a decent salary you can hire an accountant to keep your tax bill to a minimum so as not to subsidise poor lazy fat people. :D
 
#17
Ord_Sgt said:
I just couldn't manage of 59 quid a week. Where would I get my fine cognac and cigars from if I had to live like a pikey? Imagine the embarrassment of having to wear artificial fibred clothing and plastic shoes. God it would almost make you an instant chav. Fcuk that. I'm off to count my wages and remind myself I get to sit around most of the time and earn two grand a week.

Besides with a decent salary you can hire an accountant to keep your tax bill to a minimum so as not to subsidise poor lazy fat people. :D
Plus they make your nuts and feet smell :D

Heedthebaw - what a great idea. I adore Jeremy Kyle and Trisha so I could watch them all day. I don't quite fit the job profile but I could always take up smoking - I mean you have to make an effort don't you?
 

Legs

ADC
Book Reviewer
#19
Airfix said:
a_nony_mouse said:
Airfix said:
Heedthebaw said:
I was wondering, as I am a workshy lazy bastard if the Good people of ARRSE would be willing to keep me in the above essential accoutrements of my planned slide into slovenliness, Morbid Obesity and finally Death.

I plan to do as little as possible for this freeloading. I am giving up my gainful employment because my Boss said something nasty to me once.

My main qualifications to do this are some high minded principles on why the world owes me a living.

Please give generously - in the form of taxes - so I may live in as workshy a manner as possible.
I'm outraged! You've improved on my idea!

If a third anti Squeeth thread is started, do we get to feed him to the pigs?
Will he get paid for that? :roll:
Only with a slap to the face and fcuking legs!
What have I done to upset you?
 

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