I want my Cold War back!

Discussion in 'Old & Bold' started by k13eod, Apr 24, 2009.

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  1. Maybe I'm going through one of those stages of life where it's better to remember the past than it is to look to the future. But you see I want the Cold War back; it just seemed a better era than what we have today.

    When two different political cultures faced each other over a clear line drawn across Europe and observers stared at one another across no man's land wondering what the other was thinking; when the threat of aggressive action from either side was so alarming that it's extent could never be gauged because we all knew. We all knew that it would all end in tears and all end in world-wide catastrophe. When foot soldiers from both sides of the walled divide spent their entire lives painting out dated and mechanically useless equipment, drinking copious amounts of cheap alcohol or playing somewhat pointless war games whilst scientists with heads made of Teflon created ever more powerful buckets of sunshine to rain down on each other.

    So why do I miss it? Because the world was a safer place then; nobody cared much for Islamic extremists, the Middle/Near/Far East was simply areas of this planet that were kept under communist control or bribed to steer clear from the teachings of Lenin. They posed no real threat to the stability of our lives even as the mighty Soviet Empire battled with renegade Afghans, Britain policed the Micks in a cat and mouse game and America marched up and down along the line drawn across the Koreas.

    So I want my Cold War back. Ok, I can'€™t have the original so I want Cold War 2. I want the Old Guard back in power in the Kremlin with the tanks rolling through Warsaw, Prague and Budapest. I want to see the Soviet armies re-established and good old commie bricklayers hard at work building that wall. Take me back to a time when we didn'€™t need a Europe united by a trading market or a common currency; when everyone in western Europe had their own currency, their own army and their own border controls; when everyone in Europe were united by fear and the need to defend rather than the need for petty bureaucracy. That way all the '€˜essential' Polish workers can be sent home and the big issue doesn'€™t need to be sold by the Romanian homeless; we don'€™t have to suffer Russian ownership of everything from football clubs to essential services; we can have our crime home grown and taken out of the hands of Eastern Europeans and placed firmly in control of suited East End villains, psychotic Glaswegians and mental Mancunians; no longer will we have to tolerate stabbings from Kosovans or Albanians although we might return to the more intriguing scenario of a Bulgarian being stabbed in the arrse with a poisoned brolly; and we might have our fruit picked by Englishmen and women rather than hoards of Eastern European gypsies.

    So there you go; I want my Cold War back. Or rather I want Cold War 2. Not that the MoD are likely to call me up as an essential element in the defence of Europe. FFS, I'm a spacker 8 days away from my 50th birthday! So maybe I really want Cold War 2 followed by the previously anticipated WW3. No nukes mind but Soviet Shock Armies sweeping through Germany, Scandinavia, the Lowlands and France (especially France). And then I can don those old combats, denims, woolly pully and the 58 webbing that I can'€™t find it in my heart to put on E-bay. I might not be called upon to fight a retreat off the beaches of France but I somehow see myself as a Dads Army Sgt resplendent in 80's gear and armed with an old SLR brought out of stock. A last line of defiance in a much missed conflict that failed to materialise before!

    But that's because I've been drinking again!
    Last edited: Apr 24, 2014
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  2. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Oiy!! I am going to Prague on holiday later this year so can that be made a DMZ for the pruposes of Cold War 2?

    Once I am back I can join you as part Britiain's last hope (if they can find a pair of combat trousers and stable belt which will go round my waist :( )
    Bags I the gimpy.

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  3. Yep those were the days of being told that the Soviet shock troops would come streaming through the Fulda gap after the failed grain harvest. I think the world was a safer place then, the Dictators in power kept their countries under control. Now we have Glasnost and Peristroika, and all the eastern european criminals.
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  4. LancePrivateJones

    LancePrivateJones LE Book Reviewer

    I liked the Cold War.
    It was quite a nice war as wars go.

    I just felt safer in those days.

    How I miss them :(
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  5. And as a bonus the Berlin Wall kept Johnny Gyppo in his own Country...instead of swanning off all round the place, Harummph send them all packing I say.
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  6. Auld-Yin

    Auld-Yin LE Reviewer Book Reviewer Reviews Editor

    Brilliant idea OF. With all the unemployment currently around, rebuilding the Iron Wall, with special sections in Berlin, would employ lots of people. We could build one our side and the Sovs could build one on their side. :clap:
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  7. I must offer my apologies. It's all my fault it ended.

    I found out, just after The Wall came down, that a mate of mine had been trying to poach me for a nice little job in Berlin. Normally, this wouldn't be a problem but he'd actually succeeded in getting my name attached to the slot before the posters noticed that I'd put Germany down on my hit list. There was only one solution - quick phone call from posters to their Sov counterparts, who fully understood that the consequences of allowing someone to get posted where they wanted. They brought it up in the Kremlin and the rest is history :cry:

    I hate Горбачёв :evil:

    If only I'd asked for somewhere in Southern England ...
  8. You utter cad Sir! Hang your head in shame for such despicable selfish behaviour. You have contributed to thousands of Cold War warriors being at a loss as to what to do.

    Shameful :x
  9. well typed k13eod,

    i was born just after the cold war but after reading that i want it back to :D
  10. in fairness the music was better and the TA was preparing to to defend hearth and home from legions of imperial storm troopers (who no doubt had AT AT walkers) not being a temping agency.

    k13eod, can i join this new dads army of yours? I am only 40 but I still hav my O/cdt bars so can be the unit sprog officer?

  11. we're not at a loss, we just need a few more tinnies, a lamp, a sandbag and someone to tell all our 'war stories' to..."when we...."

    Thats why the Where's my SLR? post was so popular, Britains finest of its day has passed the torch to those with more able joints and better knees...but there is still life in the old dogs of war yet and they still have a bite-albeit with dentures, Sanatogen and Wintergreen rub! :wink:
  12. Pararegtom

    Pararegtom LE Book Reviewer

    Why would you want to go back to Cheap fag,s Booze, women, Loa 4 marks to the £, fantastic postings (Berlin) Snowqueen and being respected as a member of Her Majestys Armed Forces .
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  13. I'm with you all the way. I finished my Cold War with my liver half-shot. I always regretted never getting to finish the job.

    And I miss my SLR. I miss the smell of wet sandbags, the way NI gloves weighed about 3 stone when wet and running a book on whose '85 Pattern trousers would rip at the crotch first. I miss lighting that first fag of the morning after stand-to, rolled oats with chocolate powder and the smell of napalm in the morning. I miss it so much, sometimes it hurts. I feel like writing excruciatingly bad teenage-stylee poetry about it.

    Gordon, if you want to do something to make it up to us all that doesn't involve 4ft of rope and a shoogly chair - can you please piss off Putin?
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  14. Yes, your right of course, all that bullsh*t, exercises, the callouts...hang on, we had a bloody good laugh during them too!!! ;-)

    Someone get that time machine built!!!! 8O
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  15. Bizzarly enough we had barracks in better condition and more modern than most in the UK (well Bulford in 2000 when I left). Then we shipped everyone back here to the inadequet and run down garrisons of the UK.
    And yes, the music was much better, but most of all I miss the 'buzz' of cold war West Germany. A real live for today attitude that went out of the windows with re-unification.