I Suddenly Appear To Be Married!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by maninblack, Sep 12, 2005.

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  1. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    Last week Wifeinblack decided that she was going to plan all the meals for the next week.

    Last night she cooked a grown up meal that we all sat down and ate…as a family!

    This morning I was told, as I was leaving, that my lunch was in a bag by the front door; I just opened the bag to see a big bowl of a nice homemade vege/tomato/bulgar with fennel seeds soup that tastes much better than it sounds, three small pitta breads, a bag of crisps, some olives and a choccy biccie.

    I appear to suddenly have a real wife.

    Can anybody advise me what is happening?
  2. OldSnowy

    OldSnowy LE Moderator Book Reviewer

    Sounds like Guilt to me....
  3. And the monthly credit card bill is due when?
  4. You'll get home tonight and she'll want to talk...
  5. Ask her who the farther is…
  6. Definitely.

    Any of the domestic sex that suddenly becomes so obliging is probably trying to hide a large fellow called "Winston" who is performing acts of outright depravity on her whilst you are tucking into your soup.

    I say shoot her, just to be on the safe side.
  7. The next Phase will be you losing the control of the TV remote ............. game over!
  8. So she wasn't doing this before? You weren't disciplining her enough.
  9. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    So, the jury are getting suspicious.....but is it enough to convict without catching a whiff of Winston's armpits in the bedroom and finding out that I suddenly don't touch the sides?

    I tried the discipline route but she cut up rough about running up and down the street with an 18lb shell case above her head.
  10. Better for you than her having an 18lb mamber in her head :)
  11. Simple answer is "What do you want?"

    It's got to be expensive.
  12. Is she doing anything else out of character? Is she sprucing up the house (getting broody) or herself (getting restless) ?
    Has she just had a significant birthday, lost a loved one, or made a new (influential) friend?
    Or has she started eating coal and sardine smoothies?

    I almost forgot this one, have you just invested in a years supply of viagra? :wink:
  13. maninblack

    maninblack LE Book Reviewer

    Yes, she is taking a great interest in all matter domestic. do you think I should be worried in case she lays any eggs?
  14. All depends MIB, if they're unfertilised you could be in banjo heaven, but if you have a cuckoo in your nest aka Winston, you may want to consider marit/infanticide.
  15. The flavor of fennel and olives are quite strong, and could be used to mask the taste of any number of poisonous household chemicals.

    Perhaps you've just left the toilet seat up one too many times?