I only joined the the Army because....

#1
I only joined the army because it was raining.
I had done an engineering apprentice with a local factory but that had been shut down because the fat greedy fucker that owned the factory closed it and tried to flog the land for development (which, 20 years later, still hasn’t happened, and the fat cunt drowned when he fell off his yacht).
Anyway, I got laid off and the redundancy payment, all £39 of it, barely lasted the afternoon in the Hop Pole Inn on the Upper Bristol Rd. So I set off walking to the bus station in Bath and it started raining.
Now, the old ACIO was opposite the bus station and as I had I had missed my bus and was getting piss wet through, I spotted the only place still open at ten to six on a Thursday evening. I stepped inside to shelter and this ma-hossive bloke with a bristling mouser and an immaculate, starched red sash over his wooly pully asked me in an Irish accent “are you looking to join the Army, son?”
I wasn’t as it happened, but to deny it would see me back outside in the rain, so I said yes. We filled out some forms, me and my new Sgt of a friend while I supped my first “brew” and I eventually caught a later bus and presented my dad with a fist full of leaflets for the Guards Brigade in general and the Irish Guards in particular. He told to sleep on it, and the following morning persuaded me to at least get a trade, so we split the difference and I joined the REME about a week later (much to Dads chagrin, he wanted me to give the R Sigs a spin.)
How about you? How course of action ended up with you joining Her Majesty’s gun club?
 
#2
Army or prison the judge told me.......
 
#5
i wanted to eat 3 times a day,,,
 
#7
My mate talked me into it, seemed like a good idea at the time,
anyway he didn't complete basic, which left just me and 7years to convince the army I was no A mcnab,
different days and different times I suppose?...Oh and the three meals a day was a bonus.
 
#9
I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture, and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
 
#11
Whilst travelling the world and shagging fat birds as a divvy I ran out of money so I thought I would continue the little adventure and get paid to boot.
 
#12
My family is a bunch of cunts, so it was the easiest way to get away from them, joined at 16 (went to brats) once i finished basic i didnt look back and i guess they didnt either, as i havent been in touch with the wankers since and they havent tried to get hold of me, so the feeling was obviously mutual, i think they are cunts and they probably think i am a cunt too.(along with countless other people no doubt) No regrets, made friends in the army for life and i dont think you cant get friends like the ones you make in the army in civvy street, i have mates in civvy street and as much i am happy to go on the piss with them etc, I still wouldnt trust them the way i do with friends from the army.
 
#13
My family is a bunch of cunts, so it was the easiest way to get away from them, joined at 16 (went to brats) once i finished basic i didnt look back and i guess they didnt either, as i havent been in touch with the wankers since and they havent tried to get hold of me, so the feeling was obviously mutual, i think they are cunts and they probably think i am a cunt too.(along with countless other people no doubt) No regrets, made friends in the army for life and i dont think you cant get friends like the ones you make in the army in civvy street, i have mates in civvy street and as much i am happy to go on the piss with them etc, I still wouldnt trust them the way i do with friends from the army.
You're a cunt.
 

udipur

LE
Book Reviewer
#14
Where else can you get paid for being called "Sir" by someone who's skiffed your KFS?
 
#15
at 14 and a bit, didnt like doing an apprentiseship with Les Dawson lookalikes in th,mill, dad took me to see one of his mates in liverpool at his lovely house in sefton, did a couple of written tests dads mate said he could get me a place as an apprentice gunsmith, sounded good to me, only found out I had been signed up in the army , when I got sworn in 7days before I was due to report,dads mate was a recruiting sergeant bastard stitched me up again he had filled his quota for arborfield, I ended up at Fxxxxxxxing App Chef Wing St Omer, but revenge was mine bumped into the Kingo bastard in Minden 11 years later, for at least a year my brother in law would drop him a load of cowmanure once a month on the lawn outside his pad in rodenbeck!!
 
#16
Never managed to get my mile and half below 10 minuets and wanted to see more of the world than just Afghanistan or Germany.
 
#18
A step father who was an abusive drunk who would kick the shit out of me for no reason.
At sixteen and a half I moved my mum in with my brother and joined up sadly mum moved back in with the wanker.
I did have the pleasure of standing over his bed in the Macmillan home whilst he was dying and in extreme pain telling asking him if it hurt and laughed when he said yes not very big of me but hey the fucker died my old mum is still going at 87
 
#19
Wanted to serve in the Armed Forces since childhood, having grown up with exciting tales of my parents' and elder brother's time in. In the mid-80's the prospects for women in the RN were too limited, the RAF trades were boring. Joined TA and as the nearest unit was a medical one, ended up being a QA. Liked it so much, I joined the real thing.
 
#20
I joined because I'm a masochist. At my interview I was asked what I wanted to do and I said I want to be an RSM, the interviewer said I had the opportunity to travel & I should go far, the further the better.
 

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