I only joined the the Army because....

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Taff49, Jul 25, 2012.

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  1. I only joined the army because it was raining.
    I had done an engineering apprentice with a local factory but that had been shut down because the fat greedy fucker that owned the factory closed it and tried to flog the land for development (which, 20 years later, still hasn’t happened, and the fat cunt drowned when he fell off his yacht).
    Anyway, I got laid off and the redundancy payment, all £39 of it, barely lasted the afternoon in the Hop Pole Inn on the Upper Bristol Rd. So I set off walking to the bus station in Bath and it started raining.
    Now, the old ACIO was opposite the bus station and as I had I had missed my bus and was getting piss wet through, I spotted the only place still open at ten to six on a Thursday evening. I stepped inside to shelter and this ma-hossive bloke with a bristling mouser and an immaculate, starched red sash over his wooly pully asked me in an Irish accent “are you looking to join the Army, son?”
    I wasn’t as it happened, but to deny it would see me back outside in the rain, so I said yes. We filled out some forms, me and my new Sgt of a friend while I supped my first “brew” and I eventually caught a later bus and presented my dad with a fist full of leaflets for the Guards Brigade in general and the Irish Guards in particular. He told to sleep on it, and the following morning persuaded me to at least get a trade, so we split the difference and I joined the REME about a week later (much to Dads chagrin, he wanted me to give the R Sigs a spin.)
    How about you? How course of action ended up with you joining Her Majesty’s gun club?
  2. Army or prison the judge told me.......
  3. You worked for Robert Maxwell?
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  4. The RAF told me to get a degree!
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  5. i wanted to eat 3 times a day,,,
  6. My TA uni mate GI Joe said I'd get HGV.

    Then I saw a TV ad.

    But having been in the ATC I was well up for it anyway.
  7. My mate talked me into it, seemed like a good idea at the time,
    anyway he didn't complete basic, which left just me and 7years to convince the army I was no A mcnab,
    different days and different times I suppose?...Oh and the three meals a day was a bonus.
  8. Because my step-father wanted me to join the Andrew.
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  9. I wanted to meet interesting and stimulating people of an ancient culture, and kill them. I wanted to be the first kid on my block to get a confirmed kill.
  10. I wanted to travel the world and shag fat birds.

    Nobody mentioned getting shot at by chogies though, the bastards...
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  11. Whilst travelling the world and shagging fat birds as a divvy I ran out of money so I thought I would continue the little adventure and get paid to boot.
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  12. My family is a bunch of cunts, so it was the easiest way to get away from them, joined at 16 (went to brats) once i finished basic i didnt look back and i guess they didnt either, as i havent been in touch with the wankers since and they havent tried to get hold of me, so the feeling was obviously mutual, i think they are cunts and they probably think i am a cunt too.(along with countless other people no doubt) No regrets, made friends in the army for life and i dont think you cant get friends like the ones you make in the army in civvy street, i have mates in civvy street and as much i am happy to go on the piss with them etc, I still wouldnt trust them the way i do with friends from the army.
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  13. You're a cunt.
  14. udipur

    udipur LE Book Reviewer

    Where else can you get paid for being called "Sir" by someone who's skiffed your KFS?
    • Like Like x 1
  15. at 14 and a bit, didnt like doing an apprentiseship with Les Dawson lookalikes in th,mill, dad took me to see one of his mates in liverpool at his lovely house in sefton, did a couple of written tests dads mate said he could get me a place as an apprentice gunsmith, sounded good to me, only found out I had been signed up in the army , when I got sworn in 7days before I was due to report,dads mate was a recruiting sergeant bastard stitched me up again he had filled his quota for arborfield, I ended up at Fxxxxxxxing App Chef Wing St Omer, but revenge was mine bumped into the Kingo bastard in Minden 11 years later, for at least a year my brother in law would drop him a load of cowmanure once a month on the lawn outside his pad in rodenbeck!!