I need to run this by you..

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by wheelchairwarrier, Dec 11, 2006.

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  1. I dare not consult Mrs WW about this because a, she would disapprove, b, is female.
    We have been invited to a festive cheese and wine “do” by the most obnoxious twat that ever walked this earth , the cnut always makes a big thing about my disability, and is over the top in trying to accommodate me, I feel it is time to exact some revenge. By chance the patronizing git is a wine buff and will always give his considered opinion on the wine you bring along, usually talking it down.
    So I intend this year to take a bottle of white wine ( this is my extent of my expertise apart from the alcohol percentage ) remove the labels and replace the cork with an unbranded one thus passing it off as home made. Hopefully when he approved of this tipple I can announce that it is in fact my very own fermented urine,and pray he chokes on it.
    Now I need to know , is this childish and silly , regretfully I am unable to beat seven barrels out of him so this is my alternative, and what wine would be suitable, he likes “fruity and full bodied “ ( I do too but only in women (fat chance!!))
    WW
     
  2. Why not use real pi$$?
     
  3. How much better will you feel if you trick him? Why not just tell him he's an arrse and don't bother going.

    Cheers,

    Ex STAB
     
  4. Would love to help but my expertise in wines goes as far as "Thats cheap...AND it gets you pished!!! Bargain!"

    Why not get a bottle of Leibfraumilch, drink half, refill with your finest urine and go for that?
     
  5. said cnut is Mrs WW's boss sort an obligation to go , but may just get doubley legless and then tell him he's an arrse, would real pi$$ have the right boquet (sp) ?
    WW
     
  6. My german isn't very good but...

    Leib-frau-milch

    Love-Woman-Milk????


    Is that really what it translates to? Does it contain woman jizz?
     
  7. Virgins Milk, a Leibfrau's a virgin. Its good cheap sweet tasting plonk
     
  8. I think its more to do with being the favourite drink of women.

    But you're right, it is Love Woman Mik.
     
  9. About on par with my knowledge of wine - I can tell red from white, sometimes with my eyes shut
     
  10. Great, try out a "Serena" , BANFI sauvignon blank (2005) IT .

    Nice enough wine,sweet and to another non wine drinker - white or red is OK by me.

    It does taste of elderflower wine AKA my mum made in 1985 but is really a qualty wine. The books quote crap like that blond tart on the food programme (who ended up eating kangarooo-cock in the jungle)

    It has the smell of plums and fresh fish with a tint of raspberry and red stag scent. CraPP.

    If you can get it put it in an older green bottle for the tasting.

    (And piss in it).
     
  11. spike7451

    spike7451 RIP

    Get a bottle of rot gut wine from Lidls! I got given a damaged bottle a few weeks back (label was torn off) & trust me,it's rough!!!! You could use it as paint stripper & it gave me a hangover like I'd been on a ARRSE crawl!!
    On sort of the same thread,One of my uncles used to pop into my Dads on the way home from the shooting club & have a dram with Dad.I was home on leave once & he popped round,Dad offered him a dram & my uncle said "As long as it's not that cheap stuff like that Stewarts Cream of the Barley",hinting to Dad to get out the Malt. Unfortunatly,Dad only drank the Stewarts brand & when Dad gave him the glass,My uncle remarked "That's a nice drop,is it **********?"
    What made it more satisfying was when ever Dad went down to my uncles,not once in over 30 years did my uncle offer my Dad a drink other than tea!!!
    Smack it to the smug bastward,WW.
    Good luck!
     
  12. Why not create 6 or 7 half-brews and take them down your local naafi, I'm sure the lads down there would be more than happy to try them out for you.
     
  13. If he's into guessing vintages, give him a sip of your own p1ss then ask "Now how old am I, cnut?
     
  14. Get him a bottle of 'Buckfast', decant it into a good red wine bottle and get him to prattle on about warm berry's and oak scents an other sh*te, then tell him "well a million jocks cant be wrong", I know he wants white, but say you picked up this cheeky little number that seems popular.

    Alternativly do the same with a bottle of Black Tower, decanted into a good white wine bottle and listen to him make an arse of himself?
     
  15. More subtlety required.

    The point is that you want something that he knows nothing about and you can giggle about if for years afterwards, every time you meet him again.

    Buy two bottles of wine from the same vineyard - one old and expensive and one new and cheaper.

    Open old expensive bottle and enjoy it.

    Second cheaper bottle - use a glass cutter to break off the neck and then smash the glass around the cork. (Drink half the wine). Preserve the foil carefully-forgot to mention it earlier.

    You want a cork from the second bottle with the Chateaux name printed on it BUT no hole through the middle made by a corkscrew. (And the foil top). Hence the second bottle.

    Take the expensive empty bottle, re-fill with mixture of your choice, re-cork with pristine cork (the one which is printed with chateau name but has no hole through the middle) and replace foil top.

    Present expensive bottle of apparently excellent wine to your host and giggle for years afterwards, knowing what he drank.