I need jokes ruder than this one please

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by bigdick, Oct 8, 2005.

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  1. Newly married couple. She, good catholic girl (saving herself for marraige) and he, an angler. Thinking where to go on honeymoon, they decide on the Canary's so she can sun-bathe and he can fish.

    First night there, she's on the bed, waiting, thinking "this is it, I won't be a virgin soon". He comes out of the toilet with all his fishing gear on, tackle, everything, blows her a kiss and goes fishing for the night.

    Next night, she spruces herself up a bit - sexy undies, saved her beaver neatly. he comes out of the loo, same again, fishing gear, blows a kiss and goes fishing for the night.

    Next day - her mother is on the phone "well has he consumated the marraige" - "NO, he just goes fishing !". The mother says "Ah! well he's probably a bit shy..." and gives her some advice.

    That night, she's on the bed, on all fours, buttocks parted in "come and get me fashion" - He comes out of the loo, double-takes a look at her and blows her a kiss and off he goes fishing.

    The whole 2 week honeymoon - he fishes doesn't touch her.

    3 months goes by and the new wife goes in tears to her mum "3 months now and he hasn't touched me. He can't love me....bah ha ha"

    "I'll get your dad to talk to him"

    So there he is in the local pub with his father-in-law. "Well Son. Are you happy with my daughter?" "Oh yes. I'm so glad I married her". "Well....How can I put this....you haven't.....erm.....well....the marriage isn't consumated !".

    "Oh! Is that what this chat is about ?"
    "Well yes - she's been crying to her mum" says father in law
    "Well I can't" said the hubby
    "Why not ?" said father in law
    "She's got gonneriah " says the hubby
    "Oh Jesus. Well stick it in her arrse" says the father in law
    "I can't. She has diorreah"
    "Well just shove it in her mouth" says father in law
    "I can't. She has piarreah
    "Well what the hell did you marry her for then?" says father in law
    "The worms !"
     
  2. what is worse than a dead baby in a bin?










    A dead baby in 13 bins
     
  3. What's the difference between a skip full of babies and a skip full bowling balls?
    You can't empty a skip full of bowling balls with a pitchfork!

    What do you get if you put a baby in a blender?
    An erection!
    Why do you put it in feet first?
    So you can beat off in its face!

    How many dead babies can you fit in the boot of a mini
    13

    Whats sick?
    A dead Baby.
    What's sicker than that?
    A pile of dead babies.
    What's sicker than that?
    One's alive in the middle.
    What's sicker than that?
    It eats its way out.
    What's sicker than that?
    It goes back in for its mate.
     
  4. Jokes are allowed in here? 8O

    :lol:
     
  5. How do you know your Sister's on?










    Your Dads nob tastes funny!