I Nearly Killed Someone This Morning - no really

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by Dale the snail, Jul 31, 2006.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. I travelled back from my hollibobs, where I was (albeit mistakenly) treated like a princess, to arrive back in the great City of London.

    I was refused entry to the 0820hrs train from Waterloo to Salisbury by some skinny runt with a ticket machine saying "No 'love' that will cost you another £16 to get on this train".

    Fuelled by free wine, courtesy of BA, and big feck off heavy bags, I just told him to fuck off.

    I sat for 5 mins to calm down, and told some septics that someone's life was in danger, and they said they would keep an eye out on the news - I think they were a tad scared of my violent language and behaviour.

    If I had have had a machete with me, and not all my Duty Free, I would have made a mess of his bastard ticket machine, and had a big eff off grin on my face as I walked away, covered in his blood.

    That's all I have to say about that really.
  2. ............and breath.
  3. Dale - does it feel better to have gotten that off your chest?
  4. Why not just PM it to the three people that care you semen soaked leathery headed dustbin
  5. Knocking back free booze on the 'red eye' flight? That's dedication for ya! Did you have some vodka with your breakfast then?
  6. You missed the suntanned bit out, RHM. Slacking in your old age??

    P.S. He was a right fecking jobsworth. The druggie who dodged paying for a ticket was more interesting.

    P.P.S. Full of it!!!!
  7. You obviously had an "off peak" ticket which doesnt entitle you to travel during the rush hour you dappy cow. If you check the TOCs T&Cs, you are also not entitled to sit in first class, drive the train or assault their staff. Incidentally, how many fillipino schoolboys did you manage to inculcate into "the way of the slug" ?
    Aint sex tourism great!
  8. None, she went to Dubai to see some bloke that poked her while he was still in UK.

    Poor bugger moved to get away from her, but the slugslag will travel far and wide to keep her claws into a man.

    I doubt the ticket bloke was offended, no-one in London understands scouse chav speak anyway.
  9. Fez, you scoundrel. I only saw fat birds on the train, no Filipino schoolies. Oh I did meet a druggie, and he looked like it, ewwww.

    Oh, and he wasn't willing to go to the bogs with me, the fussy bugger.
  10. Fucking hell. I missed you, you dirty scutter xxxxxxx
  11. I can't think of anything to add to this, it just made me laugh out loud.
  12. Did a little bit of wee fall out?

    You obviously know me too well.
  13. dale

    a) got any white bits?
    b) can i have a look?