Christmas. you know christmas is just around the corner and I must admit that I really do love christmas time. I am being serious here.
Maybe it's the cold frosty days and nights where the branches of trees get covered in that silver coating.
Or it could be the burning embers of a warm cosy fire. The nights get darker earlier, yet that doesn't really bother me. I looked outside tonight and saw the fog, the cold dark fog of the night. Sure it means that summer is drawing to a close, yet for me it also means that winter is on the way.
That means that christmas is not too far into the future. Maybe it will snow this year, I hope so. I will take the dog for a walk and wear my sheepskin coat and leave fresh footprints behind me. Walking in the cold fresh air is always a reminder for me of nostalgic christmas days gone by. Days of new presents and excitement.
Wanting to wake up early in the morning to open my presents. This year will be especially good for me as I will be released from my ex-wife for the first time in many years. I wont bore you with the details yet I know that this year for the first time ever I will walk out into the cold dark morning air and realise that I have my freedom back again.
Ahh freedom that precious commodity of life. The freedom to make the choices that forge my own destiny. No big plan to change the world just a small plan to know that in the quiet of my mind I WILL BE FREE.
I was never bitter about my divorce I was only ever bitter about my marriage. It was all a railroad kind of event. You know the type of thing you know deep down that your choice is a mistake yet you convince yourself that you are doing the right thing.
Ah well young dumb and full of cum. That was me way back then. I will be released, I wont even tell anyone about the exhilaration of taking back my freedom. It will be my own personal secret(and yours). God my ex-wife was a bitch, she would often attack me with knives and other objects. I never hit her though not through all of our marriage.
Well the truth is that I did towards the end I just had to defend myself from the psychotic bitch. Oh I now understand why she was such a violent cow. yet I thought I could stick it out and deal with the bitch on my own. God we men are often foolish when it comes to our emotions. We don't talk as much as women. Think about it- they spend hours in the toilets at pubs and clubs together talking and generally 'chewing the fat'.
We as men would be a lot healthier if we could only talk to each other about our personal and emotional problems. It's true like it or not. Anyway my freedom is within reach and it feels so very good. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel and I have walked the path of depression and isolation and total anguish. Failure was never an option for me. Yet now I know I did not fail I did everything that I could and she did not make the same amount of effort.
I suppose I am a fixer- always trying to fix my relationships even when it is clear they are not going to work. Well now I know it takes two to tango and I know more about the dance of life than I once did. So winters calling card can arrive with pleasure. The snow the cold air the frosty nights. I am looking forward to this change in direction. No more court cases at my ex-wifes pace. No more time trapped in my past.
No more paying the piper for crimes I did not commit. She however still hates me, anger is her only calling card. Maybe she was dissapointed that she could never break me. I saw her new husband recently slumped forwards holding his head in his hands- it spoke volumes to me. I know she attacks him hitting and kicking him into submission the kids have told me- so I know it happens.
I actually felt sorry for the man. He looked broken, tired and exhausted by his new bride. Burned and battered from his short experience. I hope he can manage to stay alive into retirement. So my life is changing and I feel it is for the better. I will be free again to spread my wings. Walk left or right, choose without worrying if my wife will agree with my choices.
So roll on christmas time, I will go into the churches and sing this year. I will sing at the top of my voice. I will buy my favourite bottle of drink fill my hip flask and tipple at will. I will walk out into those cold dark mornings and know that each cold frosty morning will bring me closer to final closure. Freedom is precious and my freedom and silence of mind are close at hand. Soon my life will be my own once again. I will live on without scorn and verbal abuse.
So come on christmas time my arms are a waiting,
and you madam are beautiful.
Merry christmas to you all.