I know a bloke who....

Discussion in 'The ARRSE Hole' started by BaldricksBullet, Nov 19, 2006.

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  1. The ultimate confession thread. It's time to own up... or to walt away if you actually did know a bloke who did something you wish you'd done. Doesn't matter: everybody will suspect it's you.


    I know a bloke who had his virginity practically stolen by a girl called Womble. This poor bloke went traipsing round after her trying to get some of the same for weeks. Finally he confronted her best friend who put it plainly that Womble wasn't interested... but this bloke had one last foolish question: Why was she called Womble: Because she picks up rubbish!... Awww I nearly died... NO! sorry!.. I mean he did. :oops:
  2. As you seem to be rather lonely in this thread....

    I knew a bloke at school who could suck his own c0ck. We were at some lame ass party with people doing 'their trick' in an attempt to lure the chicks into submission. After being suitably bored by all these half wits, Andy (for twas his name), shushes the assembled gaggle of teenagers into silence drops his kecks and starts noshing down on his ole fella :eek:

    I can guarantee that every bloke who saw it went home and tried :D

    He wanted to be a Para. Wonder if he ever joined up
  3. I knew a bloke who could put pool balls up his ring and pop them out at will, highest score, 6.

    He could also stick a cocktail stick down his japs eye.
  4. I knew a bloke who scissor jumped over a a barb wire fence, and managed to tear histrousers, and nutsack.
    Testicles hanging out on their weird little veiny thread things.
  5. Just think of the splinters upon extraction 8O
  6. Alsacien

    Alsacien LE Moderator

    Seems ideally qualified.... :D
  7. Bloody hell!.... ow

    I know a bloke (actually know a bloke honest), who jumped out of a four tonner jogging backwards (we were spreading out along the road) and caught the barrel of his SLR in the tailgate, which sprang both of them into the air diving board fashion... upon which, bloke lands on barrel which goes up his arse.

    Bloke gets taken off the ex-area face down on a stretcher with four men carrying the stretcher and one man holding the SLR (unloaded :D ) which was still up his bum!
  8. I know a bloke whose wife had bad haemorrhoids (having recently dropped a sprog). She called him to pass the ‘Preparation H’. He threw the ointment up to the bathroom where she liberally applied the lotion to her grapes. Minutes later she was screaming the house down and saying her arrse was on fire. In a state of panic he called the midwife, who immediately came to the house and inspected burning ring and enflamed haemorrhoids. Sensing something was wrong she requested to see the ‘Preparation H’ and to all their horror discovered that the cream her husband had given her was in fact ‘Bazooka that Veruca’ cream! Poor old dear had to sit on a rubber ring for the next 3 months. How we laughed….
  9. There was an incident on GRANBY of a seppo (who else) sitting on his CBA to test its efficacy against a grenade (his own) explosion.

  10. I know (knew) a bloke who trying out for that fantastic display team the White Helmets !!!!

    Trailing around the wasteland Oh ex-area behind Vimmy crashed his super dooper white ship trooper bike and ended up with the foot rest up his arrse .

    Bloke gets taken off the ex-area face down on a stretcher with 4 men carrying the stretcher and 4 men holding the bike.!
  11. after a very long night out followed up by a legendary curry was staggering back and all of a sudden needed a sh1t very badly indeed.

    At that moment he & mates were walking along a pavement next to a shoulder height brick wall. So our man hops over wall to take his ease in relative comfort & privacy. And with a terrible wail plunges down a very steep railway embankment.

    His mates go down after him and find him in kneeling position near the tracks, stunned by the fall, rocking backwards and forwards moaning and wailing.

    "i've lohssst me legs! Fcuking trains!"
  12. I know a bloke who....
    Jumped off a Stalwart and got his wedding ring stuck on a cleat, which proceeded to pull his finger right off. This was in SLR days and when on parade, he was often told to "Get your ******* fingers together", how we laughed, NOT.
  13. I know a bloke who....

    As a party trick sticks safety pins thruough his foreskin then invites everyone to have a go!

    Funny old thing I never took up the challenge

    PS He is a serving Bootneck SNCO with ginger hair and in the jungle did smell of pi55 and boiled cabbage!
  14. :D but this does beg the question.... how far did the foot rest go... and did his helmet go white? wince. 10/10 for effort :wink: