I have never.....

Theme running in the DT today. So in the very best traditions of nicking other people's ideas, the thread runs thus:

"I have never....":

1. Watched Big Brother.
2. Poked my todger anywhere else than a woman's fanny.
3. Eaten shit. (Apart from my own cooking).
4. Seen my mother in law naked. (Eeewwww).
5. Snorted coke. (Although I did try Sprite once).
6. Met an honest politician.
7. Seen 'Deep Throat'.
8. Run a BFT quicker than 9:50.
9. Smelt anyone's fart better than my curry/carlsberg induced beauties.
10. Paid for the last round in a pub.

 

"I have never....":

Pissed or shat the bed after a night's drinking!

 

... said anything nice about the RAF.

 

I have never done an honest days work in my life

 

. . . shoved 2 lobsters up my arrse to see if they will fight.

 

..... slept on stag

 

11. You have never dug your own trench on Cappagh mountain either!!

 

Yes, but when you have a perfectly serviceable (if dwarf like) 2IC, why should you want to?

 

I sincerely hope you were not servicing your 2IC! If that's the case then your initial list needs amending!

 

......Slept with my sister in law.

 

....Slept with my sister (twice in one night)

 

... given a friction burn to a badger.

 

turned up for duty pissed

 

. . . knocked one out at work.

 

..........posted sensible comments on ARRSE