I have never met a man called Tim I didnt wish to murder

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by TheIronDuke, Nov 1, 2010.

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  1. TheIronDuke

    TheIronDuke LE Book Reviewer

    People called Tim. Fops, mincers, tossers and all purpose Nancy-Boys.

    People called Clive or Nathan; well, poncy names you might say, but generally OK in my book.

    Anything ending in 'eee', Mickey, Lenny, Shorty, Mandy, Degsy is OK as a general rule.

    Anything ending in 'A', like Gazza, (with one very obvious exception), Dekka, Lisa, Tomma is sound.

    Birds called Carol usually go like a steam train and your Wendy's can get interesting.

    But people called Tim or Sebastian and complete fucking wankers.
  2. There is only one Tim I can remember having met, and that's my ex-brother-in-law. Completely agree with you TID.
  3. The name Tim isn't too bad, but all Sebastians must die.
  4. Paul is ok then? Phil? Julian?
  5. Fucking Julian, Jules. Complete cowardly cunts.
  6. jim24

    jim24 Book Reviewer

    Julian is a major in 3 RWR
    Tim was a chopper jock in the RTR
    Sabastian was the toy maker in Blade runner, now he was strange

    And my names JIMMY so i'm OK then
  7. Anything called Wayne should have things inserted into them.

    .....................and not nice things.
  8. Thats ok then, Julian is my acting name when I am in hollywood......
  9. Sorry petal, you can't kill Julian/Jules. One of my best (Blerk) mates is called Julian and he is ginger. He also owns 2 pubs in Widnes, and treats me like the Princess that I am whenever I go and visit.

    Oh, and he's fucking massive and has some very big friends as well. They have looked out for JuniorSlug, JuniorBro and I for about 25 years now and I won't hear a bad word said about him.

    This one time at Band Camp, JuniorSlug got dissed by some weasel from Widnes and Jules was right in there, with a friend (who happened to have a machete) and all ended well. The lad's parent's were happy and so was Shaun, because he got to wield his weapon of choice.

    No picking on Julian/Jules please.

    P.S. JuniorBro kicked the living shite out of the lad afterwards, but that's a different story.
  10. My big bro is a Tim, well he's Timmy to me.
    He's none too bright but he's a good lad and a plasterer aswell. Proper plasterer none of that plaster board shite.

    Now all Gabriels are wrong who would give such a poncey name to a child?
  11. Rob.

    Bobs are alright, sound as a pound and handy to know if you need your car/plumbing/electrics/sh*d sorted.

    Roberts can be a touch pompous but are harmless enough.

    Robs are wankers. They usually work in marketing or the media and believe in 'blue-sky thinking' and the validity of the latest management theory even where it's patently counter-productive bollocks. They have a circle of Hell reserved just for them and it's our duty as concerned citizens to hasten their journey at every opportunity.

    Some Tims are ok. The Leprechaun of Death will no doubt be snurgling through your credenza as we speak.
  12. rampant

    rampant LE Reviewer Book Reviewer

    Whit aboot Rabs?
  13. Living up to the term "Tim, nice but dim"?

    My neice (who lives in Italy) named her eldest son Gabrielle. At first I thought, ok, in Rome do as the Romans do and he would grow into it. Unfortunately he is turning out to be the weedy type, stick-thin, bookish and cries at the earliest opportunity. His little brother (Tommo) batters everyone who glances his way.
  14. Bad news, then, for the now retired BBC Correspondent, Tim Sebastian.

    Edited to add: he hasn't retired. I just don't watch Hardtalk, because it sounds like a load of shite on paper. Perhaps TID is right after all.
  15. Well, obviously Rabs. Just don't trust 'em with your pint.

    If you know a Rab, you can probably imagine all to well what they'll do with your unattended pint.