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Now I've got a lot of time for the AGC in all its forms except one:  Bloody RMPs.  Generally a bunch of poorly trained buffoons, who consider themselves to be some sort of SF.  We've all had the 'confusing your rank with my authority line', we've all found them to be entirely unhelpful (particularly when given wider roles,  eg Germany), and their shiny suits really annoy me.

Finally, there's a lot of complaining about real policemen in the press at the moment, but it is interesting to note how much more helpful, well trained, reliable etc the real police are.  There's not many branches of society where someone in the Army is less effective than his civilian counterpart.

PS We all think the RAF are a bunch of jobs-worth inefficient wasters, but even the RAFP are better than ours.
They have been reponsible for some memorable music though:
Daydream Believer
Hey Hey We're the Monkeys
On the plus side, their inability to investigate anything more complicated than a locker break-in may come in handy one day.  Should any of us ever become embroiled in a "Champagne Swilling Army Toff in Drug Bust Love Triangle Shock" type sketch all you have to do is plead not guilty and watch the prosecution collapse.
I hate a few RMPs too.  Or is it RM Peas?  I don't seem to hate the Royal Military Polices as much as you two though.

Hippys comments on training, dress and effectiveness all appear well informed.  I wonder if he is a RMPs officer by any chance?

Exemplo Ducemus

Mickey Dolenz
hey hippy/schimpher,

seems to me you pair were made for each other, slagging off the monkeys on the net is a cheap shot! When you wasters get into trouble and you want something done about it, who's the first people you come bleeting to for the book number so you can claim back on your insurance or arresting the squaddie who you gobbed off to and got a sore jaw. Everyone has a job to do, we do it well, do u do yours as professionally?

Cpl Mickey Dolenz, RMP Clarkesville.
Hippy an RMP Officer? Don't be silly!
a. He seems to know how to use a computer.
b. His spelling and punctuation seemed reasonable
c. He has formed an opinion.
d. He has made a decision (to post)
e. He seems to know a lot about the RMP.


I would be grateful for schimpfer for details of the locker break in that the RMP's allegedly successfully investigated.  A successful investigation is unheard of.   I can only assume that it was an RMP who broke into his own locker, prosecuted himself.... No, on second thoughts he would probably still screw up the investigation!!!!


Just like to point out to Cpl Mickey Dolenz that the only time I have ever got a sore jaw is breaking up fights in the OR's NAAFI while the red caps hang around outside cause it looks dangerous.

I understand they train all RMP's in self protection during training....this training obviously consists of the line "dont go anywhere u might get hurt"

That said they are good at giving out insurance numbers etc...very much like the the little girly in my local insurance agency.    lots of similarities between the two in fact.
;D To The _Tara/Hippy - Come to think of it, If Hippy can do all of those things previously stated theres no way he can be a commissioned officer in the RMP. Some of them don't know "their ARRSE from their Eblow". ;D ;D

Cpl Mickey Dolenz RMP ( on the last train to Clarkesville!!)
RMPs are indead awful.  To be fiar, they are the clearing house option for the officer corps.

The peakof terrible monkies are the SIB.  A couple of plump staff sergeants in machine washable suits turn up and begin trying to intimidate everyone, bullying soldiers and chopsing off to officers.  They cut around trying to act like Columbo, then screw it all up.

Here's an idea.  In the UK, use the real police.The monkies can then get on with putting cylumes along Bde routes.
Well aren't we well informed? Have a great many friends in the RMP and inparticular the SIB. There clear up and conviction rate is actually better than the civvy police especially with the more serious crimes. Of course they would be able to spend less time on dross if units had their own discipline in place and also took simple precautions to protect there own property.
I agree about the amount of retread officers in the RMP though; ceiling of Major in their own Corps/Regiment guaranteed Lt Col in RMP.
Cant see whats wrong with a Staffy giving a 20 year old, snotty nosed boy with 3 pips, who thinks he knows it all, a bit of lip though.
What's the problem with BedIn ??? ???

A bit of spelling and grammar might not go a miss! Come on geezer "fiar"? Fair, I think you mean. Doh!

Agree with Tara. I have loads of friends in SIB, although we all love to hate them (Yes!Even the coal face monkies!), they are a necessary evil that all have to endure.

Nothing wrong with a staffy giving a "boy" a bit of lip, I'm all for it. We do have a fair amount of dross that think they know it all. ;D ;D

And finally, Ive sen a few dodgey suits in a good few years. maybe they should be investigated by the Fashion Police ;D ;D


Cpl Dolenz M
RMP Clarkesville (Last train to- Detachment)
Maybe if the poor old Staffys got the same amount of clothing allowance as the Ruperts, they could buy their suits at Gieves too. Or perhaps Bed and the likes would prefer them to dress like girls in red cords and brown boots etc................
Its the way they keep rolling in their own poo I can't abide, terrible squealing noise at feeding time as well.

The moslems call them the white mans rat. Does anyone know the address of Mr OB Laden? I've got a job for him  :D ;D :) :D ;D :)   ;)
There seems to be a lot of debate on whether the RMPeees can actually do their job and not screw up an investigation.

If I was a billy, I would be well happy that I could get away with absolutely anything if the Monkeys can't do their job.  Therefore by daft squaddie rationale the topic should now be 'I Love RMPs'

What is hard to believe is that if RMP are so crap at their job, where do the poorly paid guests at MCTC come from?
It would appear that the RMP's are not liked. but  few people actually would want to be in the job but rely on them to do the dirty work when they have a problem so shut up winging and remember who put those signs out before you got there while you are taking the cylumes off them and turning the arrows around. and the next time you go running to them for a ccrio no for your insurance because you cant remember where you left your kit (oh bugger it must be stolen) Some of you should try the SIB course I wonder how many would slag them off then
Well said Harry. It would also be nice if people could read maps then other people (who incidentally can), wouldnt have to put out signe and cyalums!!
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