I hate my neighbour....

#21
Go and show him your watch, he'll think Liberace lives next door so will either try and fcuk you or move out
 
#22
My neighbour came out of Hospital on Monday and is on bed rest so I know that this Ibiza sh*t will be really p*ssing him and his wife off, my wife is out until later and I have ear defenders on....ho hum.....
 

oldbaldy

LE
Moderator
#24
I hate my neighbor. Every now & I go out with him & he gets me p!ssed.
He knows I have no willpower & can't say know when he offers to buy & knows I will get in trouble with the missus when I eventually stagger home.
Then again he gets in trouble with his missus, so I suppose we are even!
 
#25
I used to hate my neighbour................so I killed him. I've been dining out on the story for years.
 
#26
Better to just weedkiller CNUTS into their lawn...
Better still, spell the word CNUTS using lawn ferlitiser. That way even if the miscreant mows the lawn, the letters will shine out in a darker, more luxuriant, green expression of defiance.
 
#27
Next door used to have a light fixed over the back window shining into their garden so they could sit out on nice evenings. Well that was the idea but numbnuts damage it yourself hubby fucked it up when he put it up and broke the thing so it points allover the place depending on the wind. Very very annoying.

So one evening I decided it was time this light died, undid the back of it and shorted out the cables.

Next time they went to sit outside and put the light on BANG!

The switch inside the house blew up and flipped every fuse in the house, only A very small amount of smoke damage above the switch but they are now much toO scared to put a new onE in.

He also has a couple of speakers mounted on the outside wall :twisted:
 
#28
I've had enough of my neighbours and their constant attempts to triple the size of their houuse using cheap foreign labour to build a massive extension. After three weeks of 6 am starts and not knocking off until 7pm, with full weekend working and despite promising me that it wouldn't happen again every time I complained, I turned it over to environmental health.

Good idea, too. They turned up on a Sunday, witnessed the din and shite from angle grinders and promptly served an order on them. After an altercation in which there were a number of raised Polish voices, they were awarded a formal caution for disturbing the peace (the EHO called it in to the local plod), a formal caution for breaching building practices (which is a condition of all local planning permissions) and an on the spot fine for failing to put up their contact details at a construction site as well as a summons for fly tipping (their registration details had been collected by a passing vehicle a few days previously when they were dumping building cr@p in a laybay).

They never returned, leaving the supervising "builder" to pick up the cr@p they ran away from. Didn't realise the neighbour had used her own brother to run the job, cost them a bleeding fortune in fines, they had to bring in respectable builders to finish the job - at vast cost - and now they keep well clear of us, which suits us fine.
 
#29
Well, I have decent neighbours, family to one side, 5 students the other. One of the tasty young bints from the student side even comes round for a shag now and then, so it isnt all bad :)

Oh and before you ask, I will not be posting photos!!!

Opsec and all that ;)
 
#32
Woman from local council office parked outside outside our garage. SWMBO comes home, cant get car in garage so sounds horn. Woman looks out of an upstairs window and indicates 5 mins. SWMBO says NO NOW. Woman still insists 5 mins. SWMBO abandons car behind cnuts car. 10 mins later we hear horn of womans car, so of course we ignore it. Next front doorbell goes. Can you get Mrs crabnomore to shift her car, I NEED to go back to work. Pont out that Mrs neededto put the car in garage, and the sign above the garages say NO PARKING. At this I'm informed I need to attend anger management classes. SWMBO goes and shifts car, at same time ponting the sign out to the silly mare.
I boot up laptop, find councils website and put in complaint about anger management jibe and sh1tty parking.
2 Weeks later written apology from council and woman has been 'advised' about her conduct / parking skills. A notice has also been placed on board about parking in front of my garage.
 
#33
I quite like my neighbours. Last night, not only did I get to have a pleasing after dinner smoke in the back garden, but I was also able to admire the rather pleasant eastern euoropean doris having a shower.

Can't wait to get home :D
 
#34
Things OK now but last house was a semi. Old witch moved in next door who on day one came not to to say hello but complain to Mrs B about the noise the kids were making playing in the garden. Actively looked for further opportunities to complain.

Trouble is that Mrs B. was too polite. When I came back after a spell away found she and kids were creeping about and I was expected to do same in own house.

So me and boys had a very loud rough & tumble that very evening and sure enough there is soon a hammering on door. So I opened it.

Now at that point I was not at my best. In fact still a bit on the raggedy edge, more than a little scabby and had, er, taken drink. So not difficult to get into character.

She moved out a couple of months later never having said another word.
 
#35
Couldn't stand my neighbours any more, so I have just rented a place whilst I put my house on the market.

In the meantime, if there is anyone out there after a "contract" job please PM me....... I was thinking something horrible, probably involving tar, feathers, kneecapping and probably something nasty up the bum......perhaps?

PoGs

www.pocketcomms.co.uk
 
#36
Blogg said:
Things OK now but last house was a semi. Old witch moved in next door who on day one came not to to say hello but complain to Mrs B about the noise the kids were making playing in the garden. Actively looked for further opportunities to complain.

Trouble is that Mrs B. was too polite. When I came back after a spell away found she and kids were creeping about and I was expected to do same in own house.

So me and boys had a very loud rough & tumble that very evening and sure enough there is soon a hammering on door. So I opened it.

Now at that point I was not at my best. In fact still a bit on the raggedy edge, more than a little scabby and had, er, taken drink. So not difficult to get into character.

She moved out a couple of months later never having said another word.
My bold. A Mrs B is never polite. Trust me.

I'm quite lucky in my fictional Crayola village, my neighbours are mainly all over 60 and ask me if I want "any messages" if they are off to the Co-Op.

On the other hand, when I was younger and visited my Mum in Widnes by the Sea (no - she was not a woolyback), her husband used to get really anti with the lad over the way who used to fix cars in his drive and listen to shite music - it went up to 11.

Couple of yoghurts on the windscreens on a frosty night. Job's a good un! Didn't see us, can't prove a thing fella. Must have been a big boy who did it and ran away.
 
#37
POGscribbler, would parking a Mini Moke in their parking space annoy them?
Heres my number 01483 727 100 make sure you call me.

RCGJ
 
#38
in my old house new next door neighbors moved in and a lot of banging.
OK i can live with that as they have just moved in.

but 8 weeks later still a lot of banging getting very pished off by now.
so i go round rings the bell bloke opens the door.
and i say whats with all the banging fella its been going on now for 8 weeks.

him sorry mate it wont happen again.

me OK fella by the way iam not your mate.

gos back to my house about 30 minutes later more banging.
right that's it i say to the other half out the door i go rings the door bell again.

he opens the door and without sayin a word i put my fist right in his grid.
and he hits the deck.
me back to my house and not herd a thing from him since.
 
#39
I too have crappy neighbours - one side is either a mute or a social retard and the other is a spineless nosher who is too frightened to say anything other than pass complaints that his wife has bullied him into doing. Not sure why I have frightened him so much ... perhaps he thinks those who wear green to work spend their free time eating children, pillaging wives, etc. What makes it worse is that they have a little lad the same age as my youngest and who therefore has to peer through holes in the fence to try and play - you would not have thought an adult could be so cruel as to deny children the opportunity to play together. Moving away from the patch was the worst move I have ever made. I have now given up trying to speak to either of them.

But the bloke who lives opposite is a nice fella.
 
#40
Blogg I think your old witch has moved next door to me if you fart in my house the cow next door can hear it and will conplain, if i moan about her chav kids who are trying to learn to play the drums (not very well) its as if world war three has kicked off worst part is if I try to talk to her YES man of a husband i may as well talk to a brick wall its yes this and yes that ill sort it balls he could not sort a dead rat, mind you my lad pops to the pet shop to get food for his pets each week and some find there way via the letter box next door roaches u gota love them cnt count how many time ive seen the council pest man out side.
 

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