Kin hell, whit the f_ck ye dain back here? Niver thought you wid be RTUd, every fuc_er knows ur the fittest c_nt this side i the Brecon Beacons, nd the best sodjur since Bull Simmons led the raid on Son Tay (like f_ck pal, yi wur a tossr_when ye departed and yir an even bigger tosse_ thit yur back here. Thought it wis the last wid see i you yu c_nt:, n yed never be a soldier as long as yiv got a hole in yer arse) …..Anyweys big man, whit happened?… (here we fuc_in go)
Well I was doing that well, I was on the …… ( Pre para.. ten miler….log race…test week…Senior Brecon….special duties…selection…or any thing with the slights hint of T_H_E_M , in fact any thing wi fuc_in S in it, ye know the drill)…and…blah ….blah….bullshit …bullshit…rhubarb..rhubarb.. .”I had a run in with the DS” !!!. They RTUd me, can’t believe it. (bet ye fuc_in cant pal)

(Never heard that old fuc*in chestnut before; especially fi a badge collector like you ya c*nt)
Then word goes roond like a fuckin bush fire. Shock, horror from some of his tribe. Remember though, he has gained legendary status with his arse licking mates, where a good percentage of them have had similar incidents of “I had a run in with the DS” !!!- Other enemies that cant tolerate the pri_k are now pissing them selves laughing and chuffed to fu_ck to see his sorry ass dragged back into camp. However the, (“I had a run in with the DS”) !!! Groupies, are now all blowing smoke up each others arses saying they are so sorry to see him back; but silently saying, “thank fu_k toss pot’s back, cos if I cant get in that c_nt definitely cant.

Were you that soldier? or do yi ken any? I bet ye fuc_in do. Regiments are full of (I had a run in with the DS !!! Call signs) Ah ken f_ckin loads of them and the “Run in wi the DS” bullshit line just does not fu_kin wash one bit wi me, does it wi you? The fu_kin tales that these fuc_in losers come back wi after (I had a run in wi the DS) are legendary. They would make Billy Liar run for f_ckin cover. Their bullshit tales are of Olympic gold medal standard.
Have ye heard the tales when they are propped up at the bar wi thur cronies. When bladderd its fuc_in great listening to them, however to be part of that elite club you have to have (had a run in wi the DS) at some point in your career, otherwise you’re not invited to the party. Can’t have pond life like you listening in without being able to contribute. Where they can all…di ye remember camp _ blah..blah, an on 642, f_ck.. blah blah, an at T_H_E_M rhubarb. rhubarb time.. an , an Fuckin right I do. I got a bad time on that day, fuckin DS, I dropped the cu_t that’s why im back here, al be on the next course though, you fuckin watch me, starting training tomorrow. The bulls_it just pours out thick and fast.

There is a fu_kin name for these type of clowns but I just cant tie it down. It’s a cross between a Walt and a ????? help mi,help mi oot on this one.

When I first joined the Battalion I kept ma gob shut, heid doon,eyes open and was the grey man. But f_ck, there was a gaggle of failed T_H_E_Ms who would scowl and give ye that 10km paint stripping stare. Before a joined the Army a could ping an arse hole form 20kms, these guys were five star toss_rs. They built up this self appointed reputation of mystique that no cu_t would contest. Years later I uncovered a few of these pr_cks and found the real tale, but that’s another story.

Let’s hear yur tales, or theirs which are much fuc_in better, Wur yi ear wigging when the clan were on parade in the bar when some loser had just been RTUd or rather (Had a run in wi the DS) or dropped him. When their in full flight, fresh wi blisters an all the bulls_it lines are priceless and the tales get better each day.

Wur you that Jundi ? Did you voluntary RTU yur sel or di ye ken someone? A bet ye do. An a bet ye hiv a story.
T_H_E_M said:
Kin hell, whit the f_ck ye dain back here? Niver thought you wid be RTUd, every fuc_er knows ur the fittest c_nt this side i the Brecon Beacons, nd the best sodjur....

This is how far I got before giving up.


indoubitabley said:
T_H_E_M said:
Kin hell, whit the f_ck ye dain back here? Niver thought you wid be RTUd, every fuc_er knows ur the fittest c_nt this side i the Brecon Beacons, nd the best sodjur....

This is how far I got before giving up.

I never got that far...


the_matelot said:
My eyes hurt.

mine are bleeding, has anyone got a translation of the chavs mindless ramblings? :study:


I had no idea the education system north of the border had got this bad.

It is Scottish, isn't it? :frustrated:


War Hero
Yes, its Jockanese. I think it could be just about any of the Jocks that I've met, they all talk like that. :threaten:

Its the new serialisation of Oor Wullie the army years
Have you been reading Trainspotting recently, or do you think it's still Burns Night?


Fcuking porridge wogs.


Normally, I would use my trusty friend www.transl8it.com in order to make sense of the above post. However, even transl8it has accepted defeat, it can't even translate a sentence, didn't even try, just raised the white flag, sat in the corner and cried. :confused:
Is it too early for an Oxygen Thief tag for him\it\that and would it be a record if he\it\that got one? :pissedoff:


T_H_E_M said:
Kin hell, whit the f_ck ye dain back here? etc.

I’m in danger of losing my southern cred here, but I had an RHF bloke as battle partner on a course once so I speak fairly good Scottish (it’s not that different to Gloucestershire really, product of being on the borders, I suppose). Anyway, I’ll précis it because….

He’s right. Absolutely, 100 per cent…

You join your battalion and there is a group of slightly mystic, slightly “out there” alleged super-soldiers who may have done “a tour” somewhere with someone, maybe…”Them”. In fact, they usually did it with NISS or Special Couriers or some other quasi “special ops” organisation which actually do feck all, but are allowed to use the brew making facilities in Box 500. No problem really, but these guys are a legend in their own mind, a legend that does not fit with the observed facts…

Which is that they are sh1t. Every career course they come back from they’ve had “a run in with the DS”. No, seriously, they were fitter, better and harder than the DS in question, but they got RTU’d because they were about to get a distinction / come top of the jungle phase / be awarded an honorary degree in sniping but said DS backstabbed them.

The fact that they can’t pass a PFT does not appear to have been a factor.

They are clearly cvnts but some of them manage to get away with it again and again. They don’t seem to realise how sh1t they are, and manage to gravitate towards whichever company has the dim but well meaning OC who thinks it’s OK for these fvckers to apply for Selection or P Company or the AACC or whatever over and over again – hoovering up rare places that other people then can’t use – despite the fact that Brecon has bounced them twice for being a less fit and able soldier than Bernard Manning. Of course, it is no real drama releasing them for these courses, because the tw@ts are permanently on the sick with some injury or other picked up “on the Fan” so they’re no loss. The rest of the time they walt their way around the camp, wearing some item of “special ops” type kit like a sniper smock (“Yeah, I was in the final week, and my scores had been better than the Master Sniper’s, but CSgt X had always had it in for me and he got me RTU’d because during the kit check my pencil was only sharpened at one end…”) and tell tall tales to the dopy admirers that creep out of the stores to worship them.

We’ve all got ‘em. Let’s find a wall somewhere…


Book Reviewer
Why is everyone becoming obsessed with O2 Tags these days? Keep this up and they'll end up like ASBOs - A badge of honour amongst tw@ts.

'Tis bo11ocks though...


i'm going to have porridge for breakfast to see if i can break the code!!!

2 mouthfuls - tastes like shite and i still can't make any sense.

i think he's asking if anyone has seen the penny he dropped in the naafi?


War Hero
I read it all and now my eyes hurt.

On the plus side I think I have just learnt a new language.

Time well wasted.

On a similar track imagine what you would think of the fellow who when told, as part of a group that have just finished a fairly arduous long course, that we can all have three weeks leave before joining our new units declines the leave on the grounds that he doesn't want to lose his 'edge'

Cue stifled laughs and muffled coughs that sounded like bullsh1t. Laugh I nearly shat! Bearing in mind this was the RCT. Lunatic.
Feck me, Im scottish and I had trouble with that!! Must admit, never seen a jock write how he speaks before, he must be Glasweigan.


War Hero
buggrit said:
Feck me, Im scottish and I had trouble with that!! Must admit, never seen a jock write how he speaks before, he must be Glasweigan.

It's most definately 'train-spotting-esq' what with the old fitba etc.

I managed to get my head round it 'cos I like Irvin Welsh (Transpotting, Maribou Stalk Nightmares etc.).

Hows about a bit of 'live' scouse then? "Now, eh, cmon lad, eh, wannabyacar, gizzajob, nowaddamean, eh, now cmon, weeersdedrugs eh?, aneewayz, ah wuz in dis pub yeah, and dis fcuker sdrolls in to de bar, right? Ah seez 'im cumming, and am tinking to meself dat ee's gnna walk into der bar, and fcuk me if ee duzznt, bang, ynow, ******* near broke iis ip he did. cnut"

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