I could hardly sleep I felt so jack!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Strike, Sep 13, 2007.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. whilst shopping at asda recently i spotted some cheap alarm clocks, 97p each, haha i thought, ill have some fun with these!

    last night whilst the boys were busy on there xbox's laptops phones etc me and a mucker went in and as he gave me nessecary cover i planted the clocks around the room (4 man) in a laundry bag, top locker and on top of a locker.

    previously id set the alarms for 1am 3 am and 5 am then wrapped each one in brown tape to add to the frustration!

    picture the scene at 1am, as the lads start giving "soldier A" feck all for the alarm from his pit, he is in denial! its not my alarm!!! in the end he gets up with one of the boys and finds it. being the lad that he his he wangs it right out of the window ( and i thought he'd unwrap it to turn it off)

    3am another alarm! the lads again blame soldier A, this time he knows its not from his pit and a bed argument kicks off until someone gets up to find it.

    unfortunatly the lads then realise they have been stitched right up and not knowing how many clocks there are the are forced to turn the electrics off and listen in the dark in silence for the ticking (feckers found the 5am clock)

    meanwhile i had a nice nights sleep.

    yep i felt really bad at one point, but the buz and everyone else's pishin themselves this mornin as the 4 lads were whinging in the cookhouse out weighed it.

    so there you go, get yourself to tesco or asda and get a few for those you love!
  2. I like it. I know a couple of people who may be in for a surprise.

  3. I'm very disappointed that you only wanted to spend £2.91 on what could've been far funnier! Although a good effort was made I feel an extra couple of quid should've been spent, and you should've gone for the "on the hour, every hour" approach :)

    Good drills though on your mucka, if they idiots didn't notice you planting them!
  4. You lie like a cheap Asda clock.
  5. Speaking of supermarket tomfoolery, I am told that a good way to while away the time whilst your missus selects vegetables is to go to the bathroom stuff area and select a small packet of condoms. The packet can be kept in the palm of your hand whilst you peruse the ailses, selecting your victim.

    I usually aim for the 80-90 year old bracket, female, usually between 4'9 and 5'1" and with one of those tarten shopping trollies.

    The look of horror on their faces, and amusement on the checkout girls', when a 3-pack of "ribbed for her pleasure" is discovered in the basket is a sight to behold. If she doesn't notice and the item is scanned in, even better, as then the checkout supervisor needs to come over and delete the item.

    Laugh?, I nearly shat!

  6. Now that, I must try, Tesco here I come... :wink:
  7. Cheers I'll try that tonight! :D

    Set the missus up once - i gave her someone elses trolly while her and some other bird were looking at yoghurts. Should have seen the look on her face when the other woman said " excuse me but thats not YOUR trolley its mine"! Oh how i laughed....til no sex that night. :cry: