i bet that hurts really.

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by shortfuse, Apr 11, 2005.

Welcome to the Army Rumour Service, ARRSE

The UK's largest and busiest UNofficial military website.

The heart of the site is the forum area, including:

  1. having recently purchased the excellent "jailbait" on DVD from the friendly neighborhood chinky who comes round our work i sat down to look at some of the more artistic moments , and thought to myself that some of these birds should get oscars for their acting ability.

    point in question.

    if you had just had the ball gag you were just wearing shoved up your wrong un , then pulled back out a bit at a time and shoved back in your gob , to be replaced with 2 fingers of each hand spreading what now looks like a piece of road kill to give the viewer an image that only a trained proctologist should see , would you.
    1. scream "i love it up my ass , yeah , harder mmmmwwwfff (gag inserted)"

    this thread is dedicated to all the young ladies who have been choked , spread , spattered , fisted , and generally maltreated for my viewing pleasure.

    any one else got any moments when they thought "oooh , that's gotta hurt , but my god she's putting a brave face on it." :D
  2. I must be turning gay.......... I haven't watched porn for what seems like ages... it was getting boring and repetitive.....

    Did I really just write that ???

    The last time I cringed was when Lexington Steele stuck his 10 inch combat pipe right up Sophie Evans claypit........ he rammed it in right to the back wheels...

    She managed a smile but you could tell her kidneys ahd packed up and her lungs were coming out of her mouth..

    She must have been quite poorly as he poured this thick medicine down her neck and even spatted some over her boat race :D
  3. MDN, good use of some of Roger's euphamisms. I too went through a period of being bored of porn. At university we attempted to watch a whole 24hrs of grot in one sitting. Got very bored; room of blokes, running out of smokes, pissing in my mates sink. I suppose I just became desensitised to the bedroom wrestling on screen.

    Thankfully I'm all cured now and love it again. The complex plots, the acting, the nerve-jangling suspense... or2 hot lezzers sticking an ash-pole sizes rubber c*ck up her mates Gary Glitter.
  4. i think in a way you're right , and this is because it's so readily available

    at school , a complete jazz mag would earn you hero status , and this was just a normal UK top shelfer a la razzle.

    in days gone by a decent hardcore grumble flick was worth it's weight in gold , and would be spoken of in hushed tones and passed from room to room like a hallowed sacred object.

    now , £5.00 each , 3 for £12.00 , and full of poor eastern europeans getting the sh*t kicked out of their back doors......

    gawd bless em.
  5. Don't get me wrong....... I'm still w@nking like its a new toy and some cnut might take it off me... :D

    Porn just doesn't flick my bean....... even the Bizarre dwarfe, amuptee, tranny stuff that you cnuts have spammed me with.

    Imagination is a far better tool and you can people you know in some awesome positions doing things you'd never dreamt of.

    For example...... In a moment I'm gonna get bollocky and Kirsty Gallagher is gonna come into my office and make sure Im stiff enough to do Girls alouds hoops for them, before they all start a fight to see who gets the money shot :D
  6. My fella has the worst porn collection ever...the worst one is some German crap where some guy seems to be commentating on the sexual acts the other two are engaging in....he walks around with a clipboard (why???) and the girl in the vid has the biggest whitehead on her chin you have ever seen. The man did have a huge co.ck though and when I mentioned this the vid was turned off pretty sharpish
  7. we had a competition on my brothers stag do in prague , to find the porn film with the worst name.

    the winning cover depicted a scene fraught with tension , a woman bent over the back of a sofa, being sorted out by an alsatian , whilst at the other end of the sofa , there was a great dane with it's paws crossed , and looking away in disgust.

    the title of this little masterpiece??

    "jealous dog" :lol:
  8. Back in the days when video porn was a somewhat novel and much to be sought after item, I remember watching a classic German offering with the subtle, and eminently descriptive, title 'Girls Who Take it Up the Arse'.

    It did exactly what it said on the tin. :D

  9. I can't tell you how many times I've done Cait in my shower. :D
  10. I remember watching some truly awful smut on a stag weekend in Vilnius recently. We were determined to get our money's worth and sat down to watch the complete grot menu on the box in the hotel using matchsticks in some cases to keep our eyes open

    In one scene the burly russian lead didn't seem too happy with the level of acting or enthusiasm of the slightly built female lead who was wincing as his large lumpy member scuttled vigorously in and out of her, by then, bleeding back doors. To encourage more participation he viciously donkey punched her in the kidneys which caused her to double up in pain while gasping for breath like a newly landed Cod on a trawler. :lol: She valiantly tried to shove the sadistic tw*t off but re remained glued in her rump and didnt even stop when the tears started rolling.It was horrible and as we had sobered up by then and we were too embarassed to continue watching :( The guy in the hotel bar had even recommended it 8O

    Suddenly watching a badly dubbed version of Mel Gibson in Braveheart seemed preferable 8O
  11. the new "gonzo" porn is steadily getting worse , the poor lass in "jailbait" as well as having a large sphere of plastic , that barely fit in her gob shoved up her ricker , was generally maltreated , slapped , spat on , plenty of arrse to mouth , and then got two full loads to gargle with and swallow.....then got her arrse kicked out of the door.

    porn ... creating role models for todays youth. :D
  12. If you can find it, try amature porn. If you can find the real thing, some of it is rather good. At least that is what I have heard..... :oops:
  13. Does anyone remember the notorious German lezza film with the live eels ? This arrived back in the UK after Exercise Lionheart and toured every TA centre in the North West. The poor eels had their mouths sown closed and then inserted into every orifice the girls possessed. At the end of the film they were chopped up and fried. It had it all - bestiality, lesbians, cruelty to fish and a recipe !
  14. for real amateur porn , you can't beat the video clip going round the phones here at the moment.

    one of the lads who does the valeting , has just started seeing a girl in the office , who sits not 4 feet away from me , and has unsuspectingly become a star in her own right , oh how i laughed as she was professing love to the new man in her life , and he was showing the lads a short clip of her sucking his c0ck :lol:
  15. It will be great though, thirty years down the line, when Magda Wankovska has the family round for Christmas and they're all reminiscing about the old days, and the old dear says: 'Hey kids, shall I show you the film I once starred in? Grandpa isn't in it, but his pet dobermann is...''