I am contemplating...

#1
Now here's the deal...in my fridge is the unexpired portion of yesterday's rib of beef.

The concept of operations apparently is to braise it with carrots and celery etc and serve it on creamy mashed spuds.

Yet a small, quiet voice literally rippling with evil is calling to me and it says "eat the f**ker. No one will mind. Go on scarf it all down you, possibly with a little horse-radish."

I know that would be wrong. Yet how can something so wrong sound so...right?!

If I did give in, how would I get out of jail on this one? I could blame the dog but he's already been blamed three times today for various fart-related pranks and it might be one crime too many...he knows that I've got him in the frame for a cream cake raid later anyway.
 

Zoot

Old-Salt
#2
Finely sliced, horseradish, white bread................


................send her down the chippy later if she bleats about it :)
 

Mr_Fingerz

LE
Book Reviewer
#3
Presumably said rib was cooked yesterday, so braising it again raises the hideous issue of food poisoning... I don't know, try biffidus digestivum fcukeddupidus... so in bread with extremely strong horseradish - just to make sure - and with either a decent pint or a bottle of reasonable red; and you're doing the right thing for the family.
 
#5
Only puffs eat celery so you're obliged to eat it to prove you're a hetero-tiger!
 
#6
As you appear to be worried about the reaction from she you call 'TFB', you need to man the fcuk up and eat the chunk of lovely flesh or admit to the membership that you're totally pussy-whipped and that TFB has your balls in a vice...
 
#7
EEEEMMMMM cold roast beef with Horseradish,fresh ground black pepper, fresh buttered bread, maybe a bit of salad, and a nice pint of bitter,go on scarff it, you know you want to, you do, you really do
 
#8
tropper66 said:
EEEEMMMMM cold roast beef with Horseradish,fresh ground black pepper, fresh buttered bread, maybe a bit of salad, and a nice pint of bitter,go on scarff it, you know you want to, you do, you really do
Sounds good to me.

And celery is nature's answer to styropor. It's not to be eaten, it's fcuking packing material.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#9
I think the question you should really be asking yourself is ''why the fcuk is it still in the fridge when I could've eaten it all for breakfast?''
 
#10
Could you eat it, then say you found an injured kitten by the road that you took in. Before taking it to the RSPCA centre you gave it a good meal - who knows when it might see another one? - and the little tyke licked the bones clean. I think that would earn a saintly amount of brownie points.

Of course this won't work if you're so much of a cunt that she knows your only reaction to finding a helpless abandoned kitten, would be to reverse over it in your car and fling the carcass to your dog just to make sure.
 
#11
You could eat it then say it was stolen by an apprentice cattle rustler.
 
#12
THE DOG,its always the dog, go on blame it on the dog and eat it.
 
#13
tropper66 said:
THE DOG,its always the dog, go on blame it on the dog and eat it.
:omfg:

I don't think Cuddles will take kindly to being told to eat his dog...
 
#14
shape.when.wet said:
Could you eat it, then say you found an injured kitten by the road that you took in. Before taking it to the RSPCA centre you gave it a good meal - who knows when it might see another one? - and the little tyke licked the bones clean. I think that would earn a saintly amount of brownie points.

Of course this won't work if you're so much of a cunt that she knows your only reaction to finding a helpless abandoned kitten, would be to reverse over it in your car and fling the carcass to your dog just to make sure.
Got it in one my friend...

Found some chicken of indeterminate age - i was travelling last weekand do not know which day this was on the menu - and have eaten that with mayo, celery (Ha in your chins BB67!) seasoning du jour and a rather nice Badger Glory i had forgotten about. Peach and melon taste...odd but nice.
 
#15
Think of the cholesterol! Take the hit for the family and eat it yourself. It's not evil, you're doing it for them!
 
#16
Eat and say it was stolen by a skirmishing party from the Forest.
 
L

Lechies

Guest
#17
bigbird67 said:
Only puffs eat celery so you're obliged to eat it to prove you're a hetero-tiger!
I eat Celery because I've conned the wife into swallowing my C*ck snot by telling her I read in a womans magazine that celery makes it taste nice... the fool.
 

Ravers

LE
Kit Reviewer
Book Reviewer
#18
Lechies said:
bigbird67 said:
Only puffs eat celery so you're obliged to eat it to prove you're a hetero-tiger!
I eat Celery because I've conned the wife into swallowing my C*ck snot by telling her I read in a womans magazine that celery makes it taste nice... the fool.
Much in the same way that my missus lets me eat kebabs and drink copious amounts of beer.

It's amazing what they will believe.
 
#19
Lechies said:
bigbird67 said:
Only puffs eat celery so you're obliged to eat it to prove you're a hetero-tiger!
I eat Celery because I've conned the wife into swallowing my C*ck snot by telling her I read in a womans magazine that celery makes it taste nice... the fool.
Funny, your wife says my man fat tastes better than yours without me needing celery... :roll:
 
#20
G'wan, g'wan, g'wan.........though my Atts and Dets would be a rep from Colman's Mustard (Tongue Burner's Own). Womble up some Bishops Finger, consume and then sleep the sleep of the just. If bounced by The Handbrake, wake up and immediately announce that you have been struck by Tourettes.............

..........well, you're going down, might as well make it a good 'un.
 

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