I am a hero!.... (7-62 competition)

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by BaldricksBullet, Jul 24, 2007.

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  1. I am a hero! It’s official… I read it in black and white in the Sunday Life last night!

    So let’s get one thing straight first. I have never been a hero. I don’t have a gallantry medal. Most of the blokes I know with a gallantry medal aren’t either and the few I know who possibly are would cringe at the word. Right… that’s done.

    However… to celebrate my new found status… (please see avatar) a competition. Limerick again! Prize: Silver plated Zippo engraved with the ARRSE potatohead… your AKA and limerick.

    Now I know that once you’ve tossed yourself nearly to sleep and turned, you dream of taking that machine gun nest… get truckloads of gongs… and more women than you can carry. So let’s hear about your dream heroic act in a limerick. It could start:

    There once was a dull bint called Paris or
    There once was this little bloke from Paris or
    There once was this nest full of Argies or anything really

    Anything goes. Winner… the best (which probably means the one that makes me laugh most) by Monday 29th.

    bottleosmoke won last time (sorry about the crap photo - the engraving is, of course, sh1t hot)

    And from now on no one is to call me a cnut without first saying – with all due respect, oh heroic one… you cnut. Cheers Chris.
  2. There was a bomb doctor named chris,
    Whos defusing abilities were pish,
    He got fcuked off to the Danes,
    Who've been at great pains,
    To say how sorry they are PIRA missed.
  3. Well, this is gonna be cheap
    if no one else makes a peep
    I'll sell the damned lighter
    to a real hero fighter
    if no one else takes the leap

    PS... you bugger ex-stab... I'm so embarased that I haven't put it up on my own site yet.
  4. blue-sophist

    blue-sophist LE Good Egg (charities)

    That really appeals, B-B!
    A silver plate Zippo for me?
    Is an old Crab permitted,
    Though slow and dimwitted,
    To try and get one for free!

  5. An EOD went over the Water
    To Ulster to cut down the slaughter.
    With his work there all done
    He said "my that was fun,
    But 'Heroic?' I wouldn't have thought so!"

    Public domain matey! :D
  6. 3 entries for you.

    A bullet engraved with his name,
    Brought “Baldrick” a moment of fame
    In the land of cheap bacon
    He learned how to make ‘em
    And got in the talisman game.

    The problem is I don’t smoke
    So the lighter; I’ll have to poke
    Up my mate’s rear end
    So my flatulent friend
    Can become the first dragon arrsed bloke.

    Dale The Snail bought an old Zippo lighter
    Which she struck near the hole in her shyter
    But the resulting blast
    Knocked her into the past
    So her lighter burned shyter is tighter.
  7. B-B wanted to give away this lighter,
    to someone who proved a fighter
    but, a limerick, no one would make,
    as they thought this lighter was fake,
    But B-B only supplies stock thats alrighter!
  8. The idea was that the limeric was about your OWN dream heroic act:

    I once went out on patrol
    but wasn't sure of my role
    ended up on my own
    found the TB alone
    and slotted all ten in their hole

    crap.. I know... but someone out there must be able to do it.
  9. I achieved a personal goal,
    By taking Tim Collins in my section on patrol,
    Dripping with bullets and guns,
    He been known to moisten nuns,
    And can balance a .50 cal along his pole.
  10. Aw c'mon lads, don't be shy,
    To win this great lighter just try
    To compose something witty,
    Or even plain sh*tty,
    And give us a laugh bye and bye!
  11. An EOD Man, name of Flynn
    A master of sexual sin
    Crammed the small crease
    Twixt the legs of his niece
    With a foot of his old rollling pin.
  12. There once was an Infantry soldier
    Who endeavoured to make himself bolder
    He went out one night
    The enemy to fight
    And stabbed his own self in the shoulder
  13. Ah...sorry I see...my own heroism?

    While keeping lone watch in the night,
    Captain Cuddles felt it was alright,
    To refuse a Yank one-star:
    "Recovery of Predator?
    In a minefield at night? Not right!"
  14. There once was a student who started to go insane
    Because he wanted to play Army games in the rain
    But when he got to Leek he thought fcuk me this is bleak
    Sack this I’m off to put my d ick in some fat gingers chicks!

    There once was a squaddie in Germany
    Who after a few jars had a peculiar yearning
    He thought I may be a looker but I'll still pay for hookers
    Then had to walk the 5 miles home in the morning.