I almost ran over Boris Johnson

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by Dashing_Chap, Jul 3, 2009.

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  1. Good morning chaps!

    My current company have seen fit in a most myopic manner to invest me with my very own transport. Much to the horror of their insurance company I’ve been running around causing chaos in greater London, as well as some dashes up the M6 to Liverpool & M3 to Dorset, since late February. So far I’ve been fortunate enough not to have had any major accidents, although there’s been plenty of rough & burly men beeping at me, I mostly put that down to my good looks. I’ve also managed to remove both wing mirrors due to a close encounter with a bendy bus, but the company has even covered the M.O.T. too! :)

    My early experiences nearly came to a head yesterday as I was driving aimlessly around Islington & enjoying the fab sunshine, when all of a sudden one of those bloody cyclists got in my way. I performed the logical manoeuvre for such a situation & started driving down the wrong side of the road & onto oncoming traffic. Much to my displeasure a police car was coming up the other way, so I decided the only thing for it was to barge back onto the cyclist, after all they are only really a trivial matter when compared to the might of a company vehicle. As I barged in front of the cyclist I did the decent thing & checked my cracked wing mirror to see whether I had run over his head. It was then that I recognised that massive flop of blonde hair & realised it was none other than the Right Hon Mayor of London himself! 8O In blind panic I immediately pulled over to let him pass & almost considered saluting but it all happened rather quickly. Had I known it was him from the first instance I’d have probably stopped the traffic entirely. If you’re reading this Boris I’m sorry for the inconvenience old boy! :oops:

    Has anyone else had a run in or an awkward situation with anyone famous :?

    Your most remorseful servant, &c.

  2. Damn your eyes.
  3. Somebody is bored. No doubt Dishing_Chips will be along shortly to restore order.

    Dashing Chap - Do you smoke, snort or inject the stuff?
  4. Get back in there and finish the job. Better still, travel back in time and get that c unt Red Ken instead!
  5. Missing Boris Johnson is nothing to brag about. Then again neither is much else that you post about...carry on!
  6. I did have the opportunity to bayonet Ken during the Lord Mayors show but I don't think it would have been very sporting, it was his show after all.

  7. I stepped off the kerb into the path of a fast moving oncoming cyclist once. This caused some upset on his part but I'm sure I glimpsed a form of forgiveness in his eye when he saw my fit and manly frame, which sent a shudder down my spine. I on the other hand made the big mistake of stepping out of his way and not sticking my fist in his pastey, gaunt boat race when I realised it was Peter Tatchell.
  8. Chelsea and Westmister is quite a target-rich environment for taking out the cycling politicos. If only Gordon Brown could be encouraged to prove his green credentials!

    You can imagine the scene on The Embankment; Crowd of three hundred people, not one witness and just the quiet mutterings of the driver, "I had to swerve several times to hit him."
  9. Gordon Brown on a bike, I think you've got more chance of getting a straight answer out of him.
  10. That wouldn't be an issue. What would be however, was explaining away why you'd been chasing him for 3 miles on the pavement in your car and why you had made several attempts at ramming him.
  11. No, it wasn't. It was the Lord Mayor's show...not the Mayor of London's show...
  12. A bloke in a Hummer pulled out of a juction right in front of me, causing me to slam on and spill my brew, so the usual hand gestures and shouts of CNUT! through the open window.
    I get to the lights in Trafalgar Sq and along side the hummer, look in the window and it was Chris Eubank, I was right, the cnut!!!
  13. No excuses. He's a pretty big target.

    I almost ran down Ben Fogle, in a SII landy. Smaller quarry, less agile car.

    Up your game!
  14. I was on my way to get my hair cut the other day, and this pi$$ed up buffoon in a Skoda Fellatio (sans both sets of wing mirrors) nearly totalled a Police car AND knock me off my bike!

    He looked a bit like a cross between Sir Les Patterson and Shrek.

    Anyone know him?
  15. I thought DC was brown bread.