Humphrey the Hippo eats it's owner !!!!!

Discussion in 'The NAAFI Bar' started by SLUDGE, Nov 17, 2011.

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  1. Here's link

    Fat cunt looks as if he had this comming , take the first picture Humphrey looks well pissed , you would aswell if you had a fat cunt going all Deliverance on you !!! .

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  2. He has a special relationship with Humphrey now. Was he Constable Els from the Tom Sharpe books? If he was it would be understandable.
  3. Thought it was this one for a moment

  4. I used to have a hungry Hippo game, it was fucking mental.
  5. I've been eaten by a few hippos in my time...........oh not that kind
  6. George only eats cock ! Everyone knows that .

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  7. Andy_S

    Andy_S LE Book Reviewer

    Hippos kill more people than crocs*, apparently.

    But do hippopotamuses actually EAT people? I would assume not, but by George, I have been wrong before.

    After all, given that the owner was "mauled to death" rather, than, say, "trampled to death" or "sat upon to death" it suggests that hippoppotami do, indeed, have the molars necessary to dine on a chap, should they feel the urge.

    This raises a question that should concern every one of us. As every biology whizz can tell you, hippos are really not that different to cows in their habits, their overall physique and their general behaviour.

    We all know that thousands, perhaps tens of thousands, of persons disappear every year in the UK.


    Who among us can say that these poor souls are not being horribly devoured by the thousands of harmless-looking cows which roam the fields of our fair land?


    *The carnivorous amphibious reptile, not the fashionable plastic sandal.
  8. I thought Hippo's were a vegetarian species?
  9. Serves him right who the fuck has a Hippo as a pet!
  10. No they are herbivores, but bloody dangerous ones. I had to go to the result of a hippo attack on a boat on the Kafue river. The guy in it had been fishing but motored a bit too close to one and it attacked the boat biting into it & taking a chunk of the guys leg with it causing him to bleed to death! The hippo was shot later by the game dept as it had attacked other boats as well but without the fatal consequences!
  11. My god, id be buried balls deep in that,from now till the end of the day.
  12. Command_doh

    Command_doh LE Book Reviewer

    Paddling down the Zambezi a few years back we got in the middle of a pod of hippo's. They were a stones throw away on either side. Don't know if it was fart propulsion or sheer deperation that got us away from those fat monstors. I can't believe any sane person would keep one of those things as a pet, especially when you remember they kill more people than Crocodiles every year.
  13. Took the wife to weightwatchers once. Emptied a bag of Maltesers on the floor. Best game of hungry hippos I've ever seen.
    • Like Like x 1
  14. A true hippo story coming up!! In early 83 I was in the employ of Hans Joachim RAAK owner of Trade Zoo Neuwied in germany,
    Mr Raak was famous for selling animals that he did not possess!!One early february morning, a portuguese couple in a longwheel base ford transit
    to collect ababy hippo,which they were going to train as a circus act for the Circus Franke in Portugal. Long story short we didnt
    have one, the bossman was at that time in togo luckily for him! I phoned him and recieved instructions to collect a bull hippo
    from Krefeld zoo a couple of hours down the road and send them on their way.Loading a hippo is easy a couple of buckets of over ripe
    apples, hippos will follow you any where, unloading down a ramp is a different story, according to Pythagoras 2ton pissed off hippo
    bull into back of ford transit dont go!!!!!!!!!!!, under further instructions I sold them a reenforced double axle 4 horse trailer,
    but no deal of coaxing with fruit and hay, or as I later found out jabbing up the arse with a highpowered cattle prod, would budge the hippo out of the back
    of the truck, I decided to secure the trailor to the lowered ramp and leave it over night, next morning the hippo was down
    in the trailor,so we hitched up, preparing to send them on their way, Caring soul that I am I decided a tarp over the rear door
    would make the trailer draught free , gunther franke was on the tailboard securing said tarp, when up springs mr hippo
    grabs him by the left arm and bites the bugger off.I did my best to stop bleeding tied off the stump, drew the line at mouth to mouth !
    ambulance and police were there pretty quick and whipped him away to hospital, then it was suggested that yours truly
    climb in the trailer and pick up the severed arm, german policeman with gun standing by I went for it, silly me, cop sees hippo moving, opens
    fire,of course aiming at the head, kin brilliant ricochets everywhere! and a really nasty nasty 2 ton meat pudding with a gobful of tusks
    going nuts a couple of foot away from me.but along came old fritz of hatari fame with a 20 guage brennecke loaded shotgun and killed it to death!!Luckily Mr RAAK got his comeuppance afew weeks later, Poachers did him in,in togo.
    The moral of this story is if you purchasing an exotic animal DONT FUCKING CALL ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!