Humphrey: Death of Downing Streets Only Honest Resident


A very sad day for British politics. Tears roll down C_B's face.
After years of loyal service to Margaret Thatcher and John Major Humphrey the Downing Street cat, companion and confidente, has curled up his claws for the very last time. Humphrey lived his last few years in solitude after being banished from Downing Street by evil, cat hating Mrs Blair. The demise of Humphrey, legendary rat catcher, was inevitable as soon as bigger and more uncontrollable vermin moved into Number 10 back in May 1997.
Another victim of New Labour
RIP Humphrey
R.I.P Humphrey, you did a fine job of keepin the mice at bay, shame you couldn't do the same with the rats.
Awww sad indeed, RIP little moggy. :cry:
I imagine there'll be a similar amount of emotional outpouring when the current verminous residents finally get their just deserts - jubilation instead of sorrow.


Book Reviewer
From Lord Gnome's Archive:
Humphrey... the Downing Street dossier
By David Millward
(Filed: 14/03/2005)

He was, Tony Blair admitted, responsible for the biggest political crisis the Prime Minister faced in his first year in Downing Street.

Mr Blair's nemesis came on four legs, wandered in and out of No 10 when it suited him and displayed an insouciance towards his new political masters unmatched by other civil servants.

Cat o' ten tales: Humphrey's whereabouts today are unknown
Humphrey the cat's abrupt departure from Downing Street six months after Labour won the election took the gloss off Mr Blair's landslide victory.

The spin machine insisted the ailing moggy had retired. Opponents claimed he had been exiled or even put down on the orders of the ruthless Alistair Campbell because Cherie Blair hated cats.

Thanks to the release of hitherto secret Whitehall files to The Daily Telegraph, the story of Humphrey the cat can now be told.

Where Humphrey is now - or even whether he is still with us - remains a mystery. "I am not having much luck," a Cabinet Office spokesman confessed last night. His official minder has not heard from him in seven years.

The Humphrey dossier, obtained under the Freedom of Information Act, is - at an inch and a half - impressively thick. This is hardly surprising given that his career in public service was more interesting than that of most cabinet ministers in recent decades.

Humphrey arrived in the Cabinet Office in October 1989 as a one-year-old stray. He followed a long-line of distinguished government mousers dating from the reign of Henry VIII.

In March 1992 a detailed memo was prepared on Humphrey by the accommodation officer at 70 Whitehall. "He tends to eat little and often - no doubt because he knows he can always get food whenever he wants."

Humphrey cost the taxpayer £100 a year and was rather more effective than a professional pest controller, who charged the Cabinet £4,000 a year and, according to the files, never caught a mouse.

"He is a workaholic who spends nearly all his time at the office, has no criminal record, does not socialise a great deal or go to many parties and has not been involved in any sex or drugs scandals that we know of," said the memo. In November 1993, Cabinet Office staff were told Humphrey was suffering from a minor kidney disorder.

"As well as being treated by a vet he has been placed on a controlled diet and is not to eat anything other than the prescribed food," it noted, in a memorandum for circulation in "70 Whitehall only".

"Staff are therefore asked that, for his own good, he is not fed any treats or titbits."

Then he was accused, in The Daily Telegraph's Peterborough column, of murdering a nest of baby robins.

The files show how the full might of the Whitehall machine was wheeled out to protect his reputation. "This was a libellous allegation and was completely unfounded. This was at a time when Humphrey, a gentle-natured cat, had been ill with kidney trouble and sleeping for most of the day. He could not have caught anything even if it had been roast duck with orange sauce, presented on a plate."

The Illustrated London News requested an interview but was told: "Unfortunately as Humphrey is a civil servant he is bound by civil service rules and cannot talk to the press about his position."

In June 1995, Humphrey disappeared. He returned three months later. By then the Whitehall spin machine was issuing statements, quoting Humphrey.

Speaking exclusively to a civil servant, who relayed his words of wisdom to the world's press, Humphrey said: "I have had a wonderful holiday at the Royal Army Medical College, but it is nice to be back and I am looking forward to the new parliamentary session."

But these scrapes were nothing compared to the brouhaha when the Blairs arrived, complete with the Prime Minister's guitar and three children in May 1997.

Within a week there were rumours that the new residents wanted Humphrey out.

Mrs Blair, who was reported as finding cats unhygienic, was pictured posing with Humphrey who, it appears, had been given the title Chief Mouser to the Cabinet Office.

Smiling for the cameras Mrs Blair gave a not altogether convincing display of affection. Humphrey appeared terrified.

In November 1997 Humphrey was ailing. Jonathan Rees, while working in the Prime Minister's Policy Unit, looked after the cat and was clearly devoted to him.

He wrote a memo saying it was time for Humphrey to retire to a "stable home environment where he can be looked after properly".

On Nov 12 Downing Street's press office prepared to break the news to the nation.

"Rather than let the news leak out uncontrolled, it would be best to issue a press release on Friday, after he has gone," said a memo.

"We can avoid would-be catnappers and requests from people who would like to give him a home."

A sad day......perhaps never has the term requiescat been more appropriate.... :?

Le Chevre
It was her the bitch - she murdered Humphrey. As if dodging tube fares wasn't low enough!

I can see Mrs Bliar now trying to deflect the incoming fire by giving an after dinner speech (to an audience of suitably pink and fluffy animal rights protestors) to raise funds for Cat Rescue and then 'creaming' off all the money for her fees.

And if Mrs Bliar finds cats unhygienic, she wants to look at her husband's colleagues in the Labour Party. At least cats only lick their own arrses!
Humphrey appeared terrified

It seems Humphrey was a good judge of character. I think I'd be fcuking terrified if she was holding onto me.
Country_Bumpkin said:
It was her the bitch - she murdered Humphrey.
The poor cat probably died from natural causes. Maybe heart attack? Has he asked for treatment in Moscow?
Mrs Blair, who was reported as finding cats unhygienic

It seems she doesn't mind that her husband is bordering on dirty.


Book Reviewer
mistersoft said:
Mrs Blair, who was reported as finding cats unhygienic
( bet it's a damn long time since the Great Helmsman had a decent head-job then.......unless that's what he finds so attractive about the otherwise freakazoid Ms Caplin of course... :lol: )
i agree, the rat did it.
mistersoft said:
Mrs Blair, who was reported as finding cats unhygienic

It seems she doesn't mind that her husband is bordering on dirty.
I actually find Mrs bLair rather unhygenic, she killed Humphrey....... the bitch and one day I hope somebodys cat craps in her bed!

RIP Humphrey. :cry:
Hmmmmm! So that chap in G2 I knew many years ago who said that Humphrey had been given the one way walk was lying?

Strange that the death of a (by now twenty odd year old) cat should be announced just as Princess Tony is in deep pooh! Perhaps I'm just a cynical old buffer.

Similar threads

Latest Threads