Humourous forms of Revenge wanted ..

#1
Going home in the New Year to the festering dungheap I was born in to see some relatives. Moved away in the Summer as my Ex wife and her new Gorilla saw to it I got a good hiding just for being her Ex .. Some people eh ?? Never saw a man so happy to get my sloppy seconds in my life .. Have been told by E Mail if I turn up over New Year I am going to get the same again. This pratt doesnt worry me on his own ,its him combined with the 5 other guys he took with him last time that do .. Now I can look after myself but 6 is a bit much to ask (and like i said it didnt go well last time) .. plus he has got a bit more cocky since he did not get prosecuted last time out.

Now I have moved away and got a good job etc etc .. and there is a part of me that wants to baseball bat this spineless gimp till my arms fall off but I dont want to go down that route .. looking for some humourous ways to get my own back so I can sit in the Bar and laugh my ass off at the unemployed gimp !!

Any Ideas ??
 
#4
Just out of idle curiousity, has that 'revenge' story been posted on here somewhere else. I'm asking because Im convinced I read something very similar on here, just cant bloody well remember where.
 
#5
My friend suggests that you might try some of these:

1. Any Junk Mail inducing freepost offer in the papers and supplements for anything at all, sent to his home and work addresses.
2. Buy a banger for cash and get a set of ringer plates that match his or even register it in his name. When ashore, leave vehicle parked up in a westminster residents slot .
3. 3 am phone calls.
4. Get his email and subscribe to as many newsletters as you can find.
5. Mail order some adult toys for him, at work and home.
6. Register him with a gay contact site
7. If you can get his bank details, apply for every credit card you can think of in his name. This may trigger an adverse credit rating. If he has west african posties, they might be kind enough to pinch one of the new cards for you; thus leading to a more assured credit blacklisting.
8. Identity theft. Far more difficult to arrange, but once you have got it set up, the sky is your limit.


If you have his National Insurance Number (NINO) please don't forget to claim grant-in-aid for any charity donations

9. If he is VAT registered
If you suspect VAT fraud
If you suspect that a firm is avoiding paying VAT, or of charging VAT when they aren’t VAT registered, you can report them in confidence on the Customs Confidential hotline, 0800 595 000, open 24 hours, seven days a week.
10. Enroll him for the Jehova's Witnesses.
11. Ring up a number of double glazing companies and invite them round to give him a quote for a new conservatory.
12. Same for drive tarmaced / resurfaced
13. Advertise his car for sale in local paper, you can be sure that in following weeks he will get other calls from websites guarenteeing to sell his car for him.
14. If you have his NINO, why not help him out by filing a tax return for him?
 
#7
mereminx said:
Just out of idle curiousity, has that 'revenge' story been posted on here somewhere else. I'm asking because Im convinced I read something very similar on here, just cant bloody well remember where.
It was in the naafi months ago :roll:

Try doing a search mate as its getting boring watching the same old threads pop up, a bit like watching the BBC!
 
#8
Ram a potato up his exhaust pipe late at night. After several hours, the starch adheres to the inside of the pipe. A couple of minutes after the engine's been running, pressure builds up, at worst, the spud pops out but at best, it blows the manifold and valves and generally wrecks the head etc. The newer the car, the more satisfaction to be had - especially the second time after he's had the first one repaired or replaced!
 
#9
Take a leaf from the Sons of Glyndwr (Welsh Extremists C1980's) and welcome him home to a real fire!
 
#10
Is the t0sser really worth it ?? - revenge is a dish well served cold - wait a while and then find him on his own - failing that im sure some one on this fine site can tell you how to make a car bomb
 
#11
Hire yourself the finest looking hooker you can find, and have her fawn over you like a rash. Or get a mate with a vid camera to tape your second hiding. It will be worth it because a conviction would really spoil his day. Or you could just rise above it and slide in there, see your rellys and slide back out again, put it behind you and move on
 
#12
Hire a severely pox'd and dosed hooker and get her to bed him several times!
 
#13
OSACIN said:
Is the t0sser really worth it ?? - revenge is a dish well served cold - wait a while and then find him on his own - failing that im sure some one on this fine site can tell you how to make a car bomb
Try the RLC Site, thats were the Ammo Techs are.
 
#14
Nope............revenge is the key here.
A long time ago, in a far off galaxy..........sorry..........as a snot-nosed pup, GOM had a confrontation with one of the Local Hard Men. Said LHM was 4 years older than self and, to emphasise his status, produced a knife. GOM shat himself (well, I was 15 at the time).
We move on 4 years.
GOM is serving with the colours. He has grown and filled out (and also boxing at light middleweight). LHM has been on the pish for 4 years. GOM returns to bosom of family whilst on leave. GOM and LHM hold a social event in a pub car park. 2 months later, GOM pleads guilty to ABH, pays his fine and gets the biggest bollocking (from an Old School 2IC) of what turned out to be a 29-year military career.
And I still got my LSGCM.

Bear malice in all things...........and bide your time.
 
#15
I agree with the revenge is a dish best served cold............................but in the meantime how about a couple of phone calls to his home from an anonymous woman asking for him when wifey picks up the phone...... :twisted:
 
#16
Surely, this character is worthy of a 'dead of night' visitation? Arm yourself with a tazer, a sandbag, plasticuffs, some black nasty and a small van.

I'm sure he will see the error of his ways when he wakes up naked, bleeding, the worlds largest butt-plug up his brown pipe in the middle of a trg area of your choice.

Need a hand, let me know........
 
#17
Subject his mum to a frenzied scissor attack
 
#18
some more details of said gorilla would be of more use i.e does he own a car, do you know his e-mail address, home address etc.
that way a more formulated plan could be hatched.
the e-mail stuff has been mentioned above.
if he owns a car - what about sugar in his tank, guaranteed to wreck most engines
home addres - see above
 

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