How would you have handled this gob shite?

After coming out in 1990 after 22 years and as a WO2, have taken on various jobs as management.
However, after having major heart surgery about 3 years ago and at the same time being made redundant, I decided that my next job would be less stressful with no management and supervisory skills in my JD. Found a great job, 7 minutes from home 8.30 to 4.30, job is a piece of cake.
Sadly, I was then given a young assistant to train up and supervise, okay to start with then found out he was a lazy little shit with a bloody big chip on his shoulder. Told my line manager, I did not want the responsiblity of supervising this little mummy's boy. So I reverted to my previous role. Okay for afew weeks then the little twat starting making smart ass comments after every conversation I had with my co-workers. After a while got pissed off with this, so last Friday I pulled his collar and told him I would "sort him out" if he did not pack the smart ass comments. The spotty face little twat has now told me he will be reporting me to management for threatening behaviour. Should I have flattened him when I had the chance or what?
If there are no witnesses then deny, deny, deny. If he's lazy & gobby hopefully others will have picked up on it and if your boss or Human Remains contact you about it feign surprise and gently drop into the conversation hints about how he must be unhappy there given his lack of enthusiasm for the job etc.


Any witnesses? No? Fack him. Get subtle. Rim his cup etc. A few laxxies in his tea.......he'll be chuffed to get away from work and you'll be chuffed to have got rid of him. Just don't get caught.

Small industrial accidents are good. Are you anywhere near a band-saw? Is it surrounded by a 'slippy' floor?.........................seriously don't get caught!!!!!

Has he got a car? Have you got a set of keys? Works everytime.


Accuse the cahnt of theft.......after having 'planted' the evidence in his car.....just before taking your keys down the side of it!

Just beat the sh&te out of him.....away from work. Get rid of anything he bleeds on. He'll not want to come back after that.
No witnesses = it never happened

Give it a week and then when he's on his own hold his head down and stick your dick in his ear.


Take a dump in a zip-lock bag and empty the contents into his desk draw when no one is looking
And being serious for a mo.
Take an employment trained solicitor with
you to any disciplinary meeting.

Believe me you might have right on you side but when it
comes down to it you can still be made to look wrong!!
Find out where he does his boozing.
Get a couple of mates who are not known to the tosser in question and get them to drink in the same pub.
When said tosser leaves get the "hit men" to follow him, batter the bone marrow out of him, male rape him, take photos.
Publish the photos on Friends Reunited. The shame of it will force him to quit work and sponge off the state, meaning that my taxes are paying for his dole dwelling lifestyle...............

Bollox, that didn't pan out as I was expecting.
1. Document, with times and dates, any incidents or conversations you have had with him. Be very clear what you said and his replies + witnesses.

2. Get hold of his job specification / roles and responsibilities and mark off any that he has been deficient in + the time period that this deficiency has occured over. Document what has been done / said to try and correct these deficiencies.

3. Do not go into any meeting without an independant witness.

On another note - any more helpful suggestions regarding doing this plonker in or smashing his property up and the thread will be deleted...
Do what I did today with exactly the same type of person - show him his cards - refer to HR and let them deal with it - and if they come dripping with complaints - tell HR - DO YOUR FU**G job and get on with it
redfox475 said:
Pleased to say this has now been resolved. I stayed, - he walked the long walk! (P45 included)

Thanks for the advice people.
Glad it worked out - what I was going to suggest was get in to the management first and get the tosser fired!

Your comment was nice and subtle:

DozyBint said:
If he's lazy & gobby hopefully others will have picked up on it and if your boss or Human Remains contact you about it feign surprise and gently drop into the conversation hints about how he must be unhappy there given his lack of enthusiasm for the job etc.
Especially the last bit. I might just get some mileage out of that, myself.

Have a sit down meeting with your boss, explain you feel he's unable to perform all the tasks on his job spec and you're putting him on monthly appraisal until he can.

Then have another closed meeting with him, which you will have assured your boss will be to reiterate the exact points to the chavver, then point out, while smiling if you have a goldfish bowl style office/meeting room that you intend stitching him up and failing him on at least 1/3 of the list each month until he either leaves, which would be a better option than being sacked, or you leave, which if hell hasn't dropped a few degrees isn't going to happen.

Smile and enjoy.

If asked questions regarding the meeting you have the other conversation with boss to refer to for what you said, make up what he said, you might like to throw in a follow up meeting report to boss stating chavver has told you he's bullet proof and told you to go stick it as he'd rather go for compensation for constructive dismissal pre-empting any action he might decide to take under the guidance of his chavver bar room lawyer mates.

Beebs :)

Similar threads

Latest Threads